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As far as I see it there's dating spending and real life spending. When you first meet a girl then you want to impress her, you take her places, buy her things, rightly or wrongly that spending is often substantially reduced, unless you have the deepest of pockets, when you're convinced she likes you, that you don't need to overextend yourself and go to such efforts. It's a fact of many relationships. As a younger woman she might not be overly aware of that. If it's his attention she wants then it's not unreasonable to expect that, however if it's his money, as she suggests but then claims not to want, then she must come to the realisation that there are many things money must go on, there are other things in life and only so much spending to go around. It's not unreasonable to think that a man of a similar age is saving for holidays, cars or houses or paying for those already each month. He might even be getting the finances together for a wedding.
Essentially it's more complex than the initial whinge suggests, we don't have enough information to advise her other than to suggest she speaks to him about it in a non-confrontational way.
That's enough of my time wasted on the subject.
You're so witty and helpful and shit.
Anyway.
If this lad isn't doing things with you then he may well be going off you, or he may be unhappy about something else.
If this lad isn't wanting to spend money on you but is wanting to spend time with you then perhaps you need to be more realistic in your demands. If you are always flashing the cash then maybe you need to cut down on your spending, maybe you spend too much. Maybe he's just naturally frugal, and you need to decide whether you like that in a man or not.
Maybe he doesn't think you're worth the money.
Have you talked to him? Have you asked him what is going on?
As for ginner's remarks, I think it is important for partners to show they still care about each other, and gifts are one of those ways. It isn't about the cash value but it is about the thought. This lad doesn't sound like he's thinking much about this girl at all.
Being upset that she spends money and he doesn't does not make this girl a gold-digger or a whinger, it is a serious problem that befalls many relationships. If one person is doing all the running and flashing all the cash- and the other partner has plenty of time and readies but doesn't use them- then that is a serious difficulty the relationship faces.
If he's spending money on himself and his mates, rather than you, then I think you need to question whether you have a relationship or if he is just using you.
Maybe I'm old fashioned but when I'm in a relationship my girl comes first, I'll glare at her when she walks into the 15th clothes shop, and buys another dress, handbag or pair of shoes, but I'll pull out my wallet and pay for the stuff.
I never buy anything for myself, but I recognise that women need 15 handbags, so I don't begrudge her them, " I say through gritted teeth". If she wants to go out, I always take her out.
If your not his number one priority then seems like you may not be right for each other.
exactly! so why did you have to make all the comments you did?!
*Yawn* Bored now.
As for advice, kermit's probably covered it all.
well, i was working from this:
see, i read 'pay my own way for everything', not 'pay for everthing'. and i thought, well so you should. just cause your chap earns more than you doesn't mean he has to spend all the excess on you. you're an equal partner in a relationship, not a lap dog.
you can say it isn't about the money, but why, then, did every paragraph in the original post mention money?
Too right.
Speak to your boyfriend about your feelings, but I get the impression that you should be a bit more realistic about how much cash he has to spend. Maybe you're suggesting things that are stupidly expensive, or that he has no interest in?
It is boring when all you do with your boyfriend is sit in the house watching films.
It's nice occasionally but when that's ALL YOU DO, that sucks.
He sounds a bit tight to me. It's nice to treat your partner, and that goes both ways. If I have money, then I will pay for us into the cinema (for example), and the next time, if he has money, he will take me out for dinner. When you first get together with a guy, they usually want to pay for everything but after you've been together for a while you have to be realistic.
My chap has a car and I don't, and sometimes, if I know he's a bit short on money I will give him a fiver or so to contribute towards petrol if we are going somewhere far.
Maybe suggest some things you can do together that don't have to be about money. Make a picnic, take the car to somewhere pretty, play with a frisbee, feed the ducks...it doesn't all have to be expensive.
What happens on your birthday? If the guy is actually tight, and mean, maybe you need to rethink the relationship.
I think the responses by ginner in particular are absolutely disgraceful, to be quite honest. I've been warned several times for saying less about obvious trolls. I bet ginner hasn't been warned at all.
But what else would one expect from the self-confessed homophobic misogynist?
Still, he upset this girl, and that's the reaction he obviously wanted. How sad.
:wave:
erm nuff said
In Pinksoldier's case, outings should be split, until the relationship becomes longterm which I think it is here.
I agree with you. I'm not sure if I had a problem that I would post it after reading this. I've been away for while and to come back and see one little shit try and ruin a problem thread is quite sad.
pinksoldier - tell the tight fuck to take you somewhere nice!
How often do you pay for his drinks, cinema ticket or diner?
It is rather sad isn't it?
Welcome back mate. Such a shame people like you left to be replaced by the creatures you were replaced by.
To think I shared a college with this creature at university. No wonder I only went there to collect my mail.