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Bisexuality

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Before anyone yells at me, I know we've has a big discussion about this before because I've just gone and looked at it, but it really deals more with people's opinions on bisexuality and deciding if you are or not.

I don't want to offend anyone because I don't disagree with bisexuality or anything, I just don't really understand it. Since I know there are bi people on these boards hopefully someone will answer my questions for me....

A bi person fancies men and women, but at the end of the day how do they choose which sex to settle down with?
Is it quite rare for a bi person to be married or in a really long term relationship?
Because if they were, wouldn't they be either straight or gay depending on which sex they were with?
Or is it just like sex is irrelevant to them, and it's just the person they like best that they end up with?

Someone said in that thread that although people often say that bi people have the best of both worlds, really they just get a lot of stick from both sides. Is this true, and does it make it hard to start a relationship?
Do bi people go out with straight and gay people, or just other bi people?

Are there any stereotypical traits that might enable you to tell if someone is bi rather than gay (or straight)?

That's all I can think of at the moment, if anyone replies it might prompt some more questions....

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    is it just like sex is irrelevant to them, and it's just the person they like best that they end up with?
    you hit the nail on the head here.

    A bi person fancies men and women, but at the end of the day how do they choose which sex to settle down with?
    like we talked about a bit in the other post, there are scales. usually someone will lean in one direction more than the other. my boyfriend and i are both bi but both of us are attracted to the opposite sex more than the same sex. however, it all comes down to who you fall in love with.

    Is it quite rare for a bi person to be married or in a really long term relationship?
    Because if they were, wouldn't they be either straight or gay depending on which sex they were with?

    just because you're married doesn't suddenly make you not attracted to anyone else. obviously you shouldn't act upon those feelings but being married doesn't make you blind. to use me as an example again- i've been going out with my boyfriend for 7 months. we're in a straight relationship. that doesn't make us straight. when i see a really cute girl, i'm attracted to her. when my boyfriend sees a really cute guy, he's attracted too. obviously we're more attracted to eachother than anyone else, but it doesn't stop us from thinking other people are cute.

    Someone said in that thread that although people often say that bi people have the best of both worlds, really they just get a lot of stick from both sides. Is this true, and does it make it hard to start a relationship?
    it really depends on who you're around. some people are totally accepting of bi people, some people aren't. it's always hard to start a relationship, but i don't think it's any harder just because i'm bi.

    Do bi people go out with straight and gay people, or just other bi people?
    nope, bi people go out with PEOPLE. they could be straight, gay, or bi, it doesn't matter. some bi people may feel more comfortable with other bi people, some bi people may be in the closet and only date straight people, some bi people may feel more comfortable with gay people, it's all a matter of preference.

    Are there any stereotypical traits that might enable you to tell if someone is bi rather than gay (or straight)?
    both my boyfriend and i have traits which may be considered stereotypically 'gay' (he wanted to be a fashion designer and color coordinates his clothes and i wear guy's clothes and shaved my head for a long time)and both of us have traits which may be considered stereotypically 'straight' (he ended up being an electrical engineer and i love quilting and cooking), but everyone is like this... gay, straight, and bi.
    there are always stereotypes, and they are true of some people, but NEVER judge people by stereotypes. chances are you'll come to the wrong conclusion and really hurt someone or screw something up or just be plain wrong.
    for example... my boyfriend gets hit on by a lot of men because he's pretty flamboyant and effeminate (stereotypes of gay men). however, he likes women more than men, and has never been in a serious relationship with a man. so the guys who hit on him really don't have much of a chance of anything (not just because he's in a relationship).

    i'm glad you're asking questions and not jumping to conclusions, it's always great to bring things like this to open discussions. let me know if you want to know anything else <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A bi person fancies men and women, but at the end of the day how do they choose which sex to settle down with?

    Same way as you'd choose which man/woman you'd settle down with, there are different types of Bi people, some have a preference towards a certain sex, others slit it 50/50 down the middle, its all down to the person, just because they are Bi doesn't mean they have to have one of each sex at the same time... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Is it quite rare for a bi person to be married or in a really long term relationship?

    No, not always, but it can sometimes be more difficult, especially if the person being dated knows about the bisexuality, that can make things complicated.

    Because if they were, wouldn't they be either straight or gay depending on which sex they were with?

    I wouldn't say so, if a persons in a relationship they can still fancy other people, you can still look but not touch as the saying may be... its not something you loose, it'll always be there... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Or is it just like sex is irrelevant to them, and it's just the person they like best that they end up with?

    Exactly.. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"&gt;

    Someone said in that thread that although people often say that bi people have the best of both worlds, really they just get a lot of stick from both sides. Is this true, and does it make it hard to start a relationship?

    Harder.. I totally agree with this, its harder to start relationships if your being open with people, girls don't always like the idea that you've been with lads in the past and most straight people define you as gay, you can never get a happy medium.

    Do bi people go out with straight and gay people, or just other bi people?

    straight, gay, bi... doesn't matter...

    Are there any stereotypical traits that might enable you to tell if someone is bi rather than gay (or straight)?

    hmmmmm, tricky one, my friends have said that since they've been told about me they begun noticing some camp-ish features, I mean they notice all the 'camp/gay' things about me, but I'd say I'm pretty straight acting (not that I have a problem with it), I guess it'd be difficult to tell a bi person because they could be 50/50 or leaning towards one side or the other... I prefer defining me as me, not as straight/gay/bi...

    That's all I can think of at the moment, if anyone replies it might prompt some more questions....

    no problem.. feel free <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;



    [This message has been edited by Justin Credible (edited 30-05-2001).]
  • Girl-From-MarsGirl-From-Mars Posts: 2,822 Boards Guru
    Originally posted by Justin Credible:
    Are there any stereotypical traits that might enable you to tell if someone is bi rather than gay (or straight)?

    hmmmmm, tricky one, my friends have said that since they've been told about me they begun noticing some camp-ish features, I mean they notice all the 'camp/gay' things about me, but I'd say I'm pretty straight acting (not that I have a problem with it), I guess it'd be difficult to tell a bi person because they could be 50/50 or leaning towards one side or the other... I prefer defining me as me, not as straight/gay/bi...

    one of my friends is bi and he's told me and a couple other people i think, and its like, now i know, i notice all these little personality quirks about him that are slightly camp. but then, people could be slightly camp and be totally straight. i mean i prob wouldnt have noticed these things if he hadnt told us he was bi. but its just like, that's jon, thats who he is, so what?

    i dont know if im bi or not, curious i guess... and i wouldnt say that anyone who i didnt tell would know that about me. unless someone's overtly camp/butch, how would you know they're gay? its just stereotypes i think.

    right thats all i have to say for now <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
    ~ the late, great Douglas Adams
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just found this while I was looking for an old thread, I'd forgotten I'd posted it but I just wanted to say thank you very much for replying. I know the questions were quite serious and sometimes personal, so thank you for taking the time to reply. I do appreciate it and I've learnt a lot that I didn't know before <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you're welcome <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; It was nice of you to post a thank you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you guys have got it pretty right! im bisexual and amdee your spot on really! ummmm well i would personally say that its exactly the same as being straight exept you feel attracted to both sexes, it doesnt effect the length of a relationship or anything else really!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks pinkitten <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    Your cycles have bled into ones supposed to be my own
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just thought of another couple of questions suddenly:

    How do you tell people you're bi? And do you tell someone you're bi before or after you ask them out?

    If you don't mind answering them that is <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well some people don't know that I'm bi... my parents for example. I'm not going to tell them unless I get into a relationship with a girl. And some casual friends of mine don't know, and some guys I went out with before I realized I was bi....

    I don't remember how my boyfriend and I got into the discussion. My boyfriend is pretty feminine so it's not hard to figure out that he's bi. I think he was telling me how many people he'd slept with, and said that none of them had been guys but he'd made out with guys before. He said he was bi but liked the opposite sex more, I said I was the same way.

    I think it would be weird to tell someone "hey, I'm bi, I just thought you should know. Oh, and will you go out with me?".... You should tell someone whenever you feel comfortable with it, or when it just comes up. Obviously, if you think the person you like may have a problem with it, you should get it out of the way before you start dating. But if it's obvious that it won't change anything between you, tell them when the time seems right. My boyfriend and I talked about it about three months into our relationship, when we started having sex. So then we got into the whole previous partners conversation, and talking about being bi seemed like a natural progression from that.

    Your cycles have bled into ones supposed to be my own
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