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Really confused!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, we have had our fair share of ups and downs, in the last few months we have argued more than ever, and have split up for the 3rd time now.

He is very controlling, he tried to set me a curfew on monday and told me i was dumped if i didn't do as he said. he now says he didnt mean it and wants to carry on like nothing has happened. He also thought i was having an affair - which i wasnt, even though he says he trusts me!

i am keen on being single but also keen on trying to make things work between us, the only problem is that my friends say i should just let him go but im just really confused over whether i should as i dont want to hurt him.

Its a really hard situation, we can get on so well and have quite a lot in common but then if we have an arguement we end up either shouting, crying or just storming off and not talking for hours.

I really need some advice!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    from your post it appears that you are not happy with the relationship if you are considering being single...finish it. Theres no point carrying on in a relationship that you are not enjoying. thats just my opinion
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Dinted wrote:
    Hi,
    i am keen on being single

    I think the fact that you think this is a bad sign for your relationship.

    People say silly things when they argue, and things they don't mean. Plus people will argue, and you always hurt those closest to you.

    You really need to talk with your boyfriend in a relaxed and calm atmosphere where you are less likely to blow up and shout at each other. You need to discuss your issues properly without avoiding anything or trying top paper over the cracks. You may find that the arguments are based on a deeper issue between the two of you. You both need time to express your feelings, worries, annoyances etc. and to listen properly to the other. Then work on how to overcome them, compromises etc.

    You have to be as open and honest with you feelings as possible (whilst still being sensitive of course), but make sure you do concentrate on your feelings, not what he's doing wrong - eg. Say "I feel constricted when you do X and it upsets me", not "Don't do X, I hate that"

    An open and honest conversation will help. If after that you still feel like you want to leave, then perhaps it's time to go your seperate ways.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you are keen on being single then that is a big signal to end it.

    If your bf doesn't trust you then I don't think the relationship can continue.

    If your bf keeps setting you ultimatums then I don't think the relationship can continue.

    I'd say get rid. I suspect that's what you want to do anyway, you just need someone to tell you to do it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I also forgot to add the fact that we no longer really have a sex life.
    Its just so hard to imagine life without him as it is our first serious relationships. I don't want to hurt him, how would i let him go?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you just have to be honest with him and yourself. thats the only way to do it.

    it appears you have your mind set on breaking up, so just go ahead and do it.
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