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Try halls for the third time?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all 
I've just finished my first year of university. I originally stayed in the halls for the first couple of months but ended up getting so nervous and isolated from making no friends that I left and commuted. That was the second time I tried halls and failed miserably (I did another course a few years ago). I'm very shy and find it extremely difficult talking to people, let alone making friends. I seem to have lost all ability to make that transition from small talk (which I can *just* about do) to being friends. I've made no friends in my uni class...well I started to but when I left the halls I started seeing them less and barely speak to them now, my own fault. Most of my friends back at home have left and moved on. I have two friends here and that's it but I barely ever see them. I'm basicly alone at the moment and it's killing me.
Part of me wants to try for the halls again. I barely have any friends here so I'm not missing out too much if I go up there and fail again. But I really don't want to fail. I want to be like everyone else; settle in, make friends, get pissed, have a good laugh. I'm 22 at the moment (23 next March) and feel so old when I'm put in with a load of 18 year olds. I feel even more of an outcast. I just wanted ti try so hard last time and at one point felt like I was starting to fit in; I never talked much but I was always invited to any pub outings. Then I just started to isolate myself more, less people would talk to me, in the end I wouldnt be invited out. I can't bear for that to happen again. But I know I have to get over this shyness...I just don't know wether it's possible. I've been trying to get rid of it since I was like 14. Maybe I should just give up and accept I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
Anyways, I'd really appreciate any advice
I've just finished my first year of university. I originally stayed in the halls for the first couple of months but ended up getting so nervous and isolated from making no friends that I left and commuted. That was the second time I tried halls and failed miserably (I did another course a few years ago). I'm very shy and find it extremely difficult talking to people, let alone making friends. I seem to have lost all ability to make that transition from small talk (which I can *just* about do) to being friends. I've made no friends in my uni class...well I started to but when I left the halls I started seeing them less and barely speak to them now, my own fault. Most of my friends back at home have left and moved on. I have two friends here and that's it but I barely ever see them. I'm basicly alone at the moment and it's killing me.
Part of me wants to try for the halls again. I barely have any friends here so I'm not missing out too much if I go up there and fail again. But I really don't want to fail. I want to be like everyone else; settle in, make friends, get pissed, have a good laugh. I'm 22 at the moment (23 next March) and feel so old when I'm put in with a load of 18 year olds. I feel even more of an outcast. I just wanted ti try so hard last time and at one point felt like I was starting to fit in; I never talked much but I was always invited to any pub outings. Then I just started to isolate myself more, less people would talk to me, in the end I wouldnt be invited out. I can't bear for that to happen again. But I know I have to get over this shyness...I just don't know wether it's possible. I've been trying to get rid of it since I was like 14. Maybe I should just give up and accept I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
Anyways, I'd really appreciate any advice
Post edited by JustV on
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Comments
Personally I hated halls. Could you not find a shared house, look round on the noticeboards at uni? That way you would only be sharing with 2 or 3 people rather than too many, and you would have a chance to meet them rather than just being flung together.
I've just finished university and only really made friends at uni in my second and third year. It helps if you have friend out of uni, through work or school or whatever. try to get back in touch with old friends.
You don't have to force yourself to live in a situation you don't feel comfortable with. I know at uni sometimes it feels as though everyone else has loads of friends and a great social life but you would probably be surprised how many others feel the same as you. Uni can be very lonely!
As for being 22..there are lots of slightly older students at unis now for whatever reason. I myself went 2 years late, started my degree when I was 20. There are load of "mature" students now.
What degree are you on? I found I made most of my uni friends though being forced to do group work and presentations.
Hope that helped a bit.
having said that though, halls at staffs uni arn't exactly great and getting into halls in the 2nd year might be a bit difficult because proiority goes to first years. may be instead of halls you could think about uni housing (like the houses at leek rd) because being in a house with just a few other people is a lot more close knit - and so you are more likely to make close friends than being in halls?!
:yes:
You can meet friends in your classes anyway and you'll probably have more in common with them
Well that is just your opinion, to be fair if the dude wants to make friends then staying at home is counter-productive.........i'm no extrovert but i have made a lot of close friends at uni, i'd like to think it's because i'm a nice guy, but it's also down to circumstance........my experience with halls is a bit mixed, in the first year i went to campus with two mates from back home so was lucky that i had peeps to go out with, trouble was the place was so fucking boring i ended up smoking my brains out, along with half the campus.........because the place was so small it didn't take long to meet the whole stoner circle, and it just went from there........i didn't make a lot of effort socialising either but people just ended up coming round the flat..........
in the second year i found a house with 6 other mates, who i had got to know from the 1st year, when your living with people in a house you tend to get to know each other better than in halls, cos your more isolated i guess..........but moving in with randoms is risky because you might not click and then your kinda stuck.........that's why it was good to stay in halls for the first year, you can shortlist suitable potential flatmates.......
third year it all went tits up really, everyone was fed up of the area and because of our crap organisational skills we got split up, i still keep in touch with all the boys but am now living in a different halls with 8 other randoms........to be fair at the beginning i made an effort to go out and did make some friends, but maybe because i took my studies more seriously and there wasn't many places to go except the su bar, i soon got bored of the routine and stayed in more......i am amicable with all my flatmates, and have made one really close friend so don't have any regrets really, even if it has been a bit quieter this year.......
but yeah my advice would be to bite the bullet and go for halls......and soon as you get there make the effort to knock on doors and introduce yourself, you don't have to get into a lengthy conversation just a friendly hi goes a long way......good luck mate, i'm sure you'll do fine........people usually respect those with a bit more life experience, i know i do, so no reason not to fit in with the youth.........
You could always try posting on the relevent messageboards for the uni you're going to and meet people that way. You'll get to know a few people before you start and might become more friendly when you talk to them face to face.
I totally agree with this.
I lived in halls and got on alright with the people I lived with but towards the end of the first year I stopped spending so much time with those people and made friends with other people who lived elsewhere and who I actually had things in common with.
Which halls were you in? If you were in the older halls (the non ensuite) at Staffs it can be quite intimidating living with all those people. I think like Otter said, you could try thinking about living in the uni houses on Leek Road and there are quite alot of older students who live in those, so if you choose that option you wouldn't be surrounded by 18 year olds. An alternative option would be try and get into the en suite halls as they only have 5 people living on a corridor so maybe it would be easier for you? Hope you get it sorted
How you get on in halls is a matter of probability - it's definitely worth another go.