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cheating and forgiveness
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok... simple question
Would you forgive a guy/girl if he f*cked one of your friends while u were going out and then not have the balls to tell you?
Imagine this happened in a fase when u were arguing like hell
What would you do? :chin:
Would you forgive a guy/girl if he f*cked one of your friends while u were going out and then not have the balls to tell you?
Imagine this happened in a fase when u were arguing like hell
What would you do? :chin:
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But i dont think its the fact that he did it, i think its more the fact that he did it with a "friend" and above all havent told.... :chin:
yeah i think both those things make it worse, but he'd still be out if he did tell me he'd slept wi someone i didnt know
hummm, remebered smth...
what if it was the other way? :yeees:
Would you girls tell him orr even do it?
While I agree that this sort of thing should be unforgivable, I went through a very similar situation with my (still) boyfriend last September, and decided to work through it.
We've been together over 5 years, and during a period when we were living apart (Birmingham and Fife) he got very depressed. It's not an excuse for what happened, but it goes some way towards explaining the circumstances. While visiting friends in London, and after we hadn't seen each other for over a month, he ended up drunk at a party and slept with a girl he'd met. This wasn't an isolated incident - it happened a number of times over the course of a few months.
He told me about this three days before we were supposed to be moving in together in Glasgow. Over the phone.
It was terrible. I wept and wept. We were best friends as well as lovers, and I never in a million years thought he'd do this to me. He was absolutely destroyed by it too.
We agreed to try to work it out. After 5 years, you don't just walk away from something like this. I figured that if we couldn't get through it, at least we'd have given it a go. And because i knew how depressed he was, i needed to make sure he was going to be ok.
I know it sounds pathetic. But i knew if i didn't try to at least understand the whole thing, i would never have a trusting relationship again. It was important for my self-esteem.
And now, 9 months on, we're totally through it. He's cried so much and can't believe how much he's hurt me. The other day, he said "it didn't matter who she was. She could have been anyone", and that made everything suddenly ok. Because i was convinced that she was special, that he was constantly thinking 'what if....'.
I feel stronger for it.
So there are no clear cut arguments for and against forgiveness. Do what you know is right for you. But don't be walked over. Make it clear how you feel, and make sure any questions you think might come back to haunt you are answered before you move on.
Take care
That would be a deal breaker, i'd dump him.
same. in almost all situations.
even if it was a mistake and they were sorry, i don't think i'd be able to get over it. every time they tried to touch me or kiss me, i'd be thinking about that other person.
In long term relationships, it's hardly easy to split up with them there and then.
In my particular case, I'd have to break up with him, because he would have violated my trust. Trust is a big issue for me, so I really don't think I could carry on being with him without the fact that he cheated in the back of my mind.
However, I'd find it incredibly difficult to forgive. I view sex as an incredibly private and intimate act and I don't think I could ever understand why someone did that.
I dont think so, arguing is a thing that u can talk about and understand the reasons and maybe work out some way that can minimize that... cheating is impossible to do that...
I've heard that arguing is a necesary part of a relationship for you to understand how much you love the other person.