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Feel like my head wants to explode
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
For some time ive been ill with frequent pain and other symptoms however after a long time its still not been diagnosed. Some days are worse than others, with some days seeming (outwardly at least) that there is nothing wrong with me, however i am in constant pain and discomfort even with pain killers.
As a result of this i have not worked now for 17 months and its very frustrating. I want to get back to a normal life but it cant happen at the moment due to the unpredictability of the illness and the pain that i suffer making most things a struggle.
My wife is a very understanding woman, she works in a job that she is very unhappy in, (up to the point recently where ive been thinking she may be getting depression because of the stress involved). She is the bill payer but i give her all the money i get from the disability funds that i recieve and we qualify for additional benefits due to me. I do all the house work (illness permitting), cooking, cleaning, washing, etc however some days i can do nothing due to my problems.
More recently my partner has been getting increasingly frustrated with the situation and whilst she doesnt mean it, she is taking it out on me. I talk her through everything i can, tell her how much i love her and do everything that i can do for her but it doesnt seem to be enough anymore and she is deteriorating. As a result its making me feel so small and be-littled, like a terribe human being and a lousy partner to her and a complete failure. I also feel like depression is becoming an increasing factor for me and also feel like harming myself (something that i has happened but not for a long time). Does anyone have any advice?
As a result of this i have not worked now for 17 months and its very frustrating. I want to get back to a normal life but it cant happen at the moment due to the unpredictability of the illness and the pain that i suffer making most things a struggle.
My wife is a very understanding woman, she works in a job that she is very unhappy in, (up to the point recently where ive been thinking she may be getting depression because of the stress involved). She is the bill payer but i give her all the money i get from the disability funds that i recieve and we qualify for additional benefits due to me. I do all the house work (illness permitting), cooking, cleaning, washing, etc however some days i can do nothing due to my problems.
More recently my partner has been getting increasingly frustrated with the situation and whilst she doesnt mean it, she is taking it out on me. I talk her through everything i can, tell her how much i love her and do everything that i can do for her but it doesnt seem to be enough anymore and she is deteriorating. As a result its making me feel so small and be-littled, like a terribe human being and a lousy partner to her and a complete failure. I also feel like depression is becoming an increasing factor for me and also feel like harming myself (something that i has happened but not for a long time). Does anyone have any advice?
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Comments
Long term illness is obviously no barrel of laughs and I'm sorry to hear about your health problem(s).
I'm sure your wife is doing her upmost to help you etc. but it's inevitable that at some point it may get her down. I'm not saying she resents you for it or whatever, but you can understand where she is coming from.
Try your hardest not to turn to self harm. Although it will seem like a short term solution to your problems, in the long term, it'll make things worse. Have you been to the doctor about the depression? If not, maybe you should. In regards to the pain, have you tried any alternatives to painkillers? You might me quite cynical about it, but have you tried any other therapy type things?
Anyway, hope I helped...if not, sorry for wasting ya time.
It's no surprise that your illness is having an affect on your relationship - and your mental health - especially because you don't have any answers about what it is. You don't mention what the symptoms are, or how they affect your life, but I'm wondering if you and your wife can spend time out of the house doing things you enjoy together?
It might also help both of you to talk about your feelings and the impact of your illness to someone impartial - I'll post some organisations that I'd recommend at the end.
Can your wife look for another job that she enjoys more? Perhaps that's something you could help her with in the daytime - by searching through papers/websites etc for vacancies that might appeal to her.
Here are some links to articles on TheSite that you might like to read:
Self harm prevention
Understanding depression
And those organisations:
Depression Alliance
http://www.depressionalliance.org/
Depression Alliance is at 35 Westminster Bridge Road, London SE1 7JB. Send an SAE for a support pack to help beat depression.
SupportLine
Confidential and emotional support on the telephone for children, young adults and adults who are socially isolated, vulnerable, at risk and victims of any form of abuse.
Web: www.supportline.org.uk
Tel: 020 8554 9004
I hope some of this helps you
I'm sorry to say that the situation has gotten a lot worse. She recently went through what i can only describe as a mini break down, screaming and shouting and lashing out, it took a long time to calm her down. Today i feel like im walking on egg shells as the slightest thing that i say could make things a whole lot worse. She has built and built this situation up in her mind so much now that i dont think even leaving her current place of work is going to help, i think its gone beyond that.
I think she may be needing some outside help and support, something that i cant provide but she is dead set against this. I feel totally useless and helpless as i cant help her and to be honest im at the end of my tether as well i just dont know what to do, does anyone have any advice?