If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Self Confidence!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Seriously need some tips about how to get some more self confidence because it's just getting me down now!
People walk all over me like i'm a doormat at times & it hurts but i cant help being nice & people take advantage of that! But lately i'm beginning to get more & more bad thoughts about myself. I can hardly look at myself in the mirror anymore without getting upset, I'm paranoid about whether my friends actually like me & my boyfriend's gone home for easter & I swear is going to find someone who's better than me as he's out clubbing a lot with his friends. I'm in tears at the moment, and i dont know what to do! I dont want these thoughts anymore but i dont know how to start believing in myself!
People walk all over me like i'm a doormat at times & it hurts but i cant help being nice & people take advantage of that! But lately i'm beginning to get more & more bad thoughts about myself. I can hardly look at myself in the mirror anymore without getting upset, I'm paranoid about whether my friends actually like me & my boyfriend's gone home for easter & I swear is going to find someone who's better than me as he's out clubbing a lot with his friends. I'm in tears at the moment, and i dont know what to do! I dont want these thoughts anymore but i dont know how to start believing in myself!
0
Comments
Firstly something that helped me was looking back at the things that made me dislike who I am, things like abuse, things like bullying, maybe sudden changes in the environment. For example rejection from peer groups can leave you to feel inadequet, bullying can lead you to focus on an aspect of yourself and it kinda makes you end up like when a crisp packet is on the fire and it curls in to itself... Ok, that was a totally lame comparison but visualise it and apply it to your personality...
I don't really want to go in to too much detail of what happened to me (to avoid sounding self indulgent and all that), but a couple of examples...
I've been a doormat, apparently I still am, but there are things that should maybe be remembered... Firstly, there's a difference in being assertive and being an arsehole and if somebody gets all whiny because you won't, for example pay for their lunch, then maybe they're not worth being friends with in the first place. Something I've learned about people like that is that they'll move on to somebody else to leech off. It doesn't mean they're a bad person but perhaps... Like some 'doormat' person will feel they need to give give give to be liked, maybe these people associate being liked with what they can take.
Don't feel guilty for saying no and never feel like you're being a bad person for distancing yourself from 'leeches'. To be the best you can be you have to be happy within yourself (is something I've learned). If you're happy then you'll draw happy people towards you, you'll socialise better and you'll be able to love people better...
Don't feel bad if you're not happy though, it's really damned hard to get there... I think being 'Ok' is a start... Try faking confidence.
So, your friends don't like you? God I hate those thoughts. Maybe though, if Sally is short with you or Duncan doesn't want a night on the town... Well maybe it isn't you, maybe it's them. 90% of the time we're normaly consumed within our own lives, our own thoughts... Maybe Sally failed her driving test and Duncan is worried about debt he's got in to.
As for your boyfriend, again I don't know him... But try and think back to a time when you both shared something real intimate, something great he told you... Some sensual skin on skin or a time when you both laughed. I'm sure he wants to get back to that as much as you do... Maybe in his world you're a goddess... Who knows?
I'd try and focus yourself on something... I dunno what... Maybe some art, or you could go out and meet new friends, or walk the dog...
I'm waffling, probably sounding sanctimonious or patronising... But hey if a sentence in this post helps it's worth it... Hopefully....
Oh and trust me... you're totally not alone on feeling how you do.
And Kentish, thanks for the link!
So if you want to feel more confident you have to believe you are confident.
Your brain needs a workout, just like going to the gym excersise your brain.
Tell yourself everyday out loud or in your head.
I am confident
I am happy
I am beautiful
(or say something that you aspire to be) eventually you will believe it!
Check that you are not being negative with your thinking, as you can be your worst enemy.
Remember we are all born equal nobody is better or worse than you. Love yourself and others will love you for who you are.