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saying no nicely
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
*edited*
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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
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Or just tell him you're not ready for sexual aspects of your relationship and have him read this repost from another thread:
Don't rush. This isn't foreplay. That's what you do before this. Have clean hands and short nails.
Lie next to her, undo the buttons/zip on her trousers/skirt and place your hand, palm down, flat on her stomach. Always keeping in contact with part of her body, gently but deliberately, using just enough pressure so as not to tickle, move you hand past her belt to stroke her legs, first outside, then inside, moving closer and closer to her groin, kiss her as you do so.
First on the outside of her knickers, using three fingers, pointing down towards the floor, cover your hand up and down, flexing your wrist and bending your fingers to follow the contours and caress her groin, your middle finger should be positioned above her clitoris and inside of your second knuckle move to rub it in a circular motion. Do so slowly, tease, continue to kiss. On occasion trace a finger over the skin at the edge of her knickers, brushing against the sunken part between her leg and pubic bone. As she become more excited, and I'm not trying to be disgusing, you may begin to feel a dampness through her underwear.
Continue to kiss (it's important). Pick a side of her knickers, or remove the clothing hinderances, and ease your hand in, fingers still pointing downwards. Stroke again the sunken part between her groin and leg, curl your fingers to tussle the hair on her pubic mound, then with you fingers flat again move your three middle fingers down, following the contours to right between her legs where she'll hopefully be self lubricated and back up again to her clitoris (a raised, narrow, 2-3cm vertical strip between the pubic mound and vagina. Touch this very gently as it's sensitive and requires lubrication not to become painful, touch it in a circular motion with your index or middle finger tips or with inside of one of your knuckles. Run your index and middle finger either side of this structure over the outer vaginal lips, up and down, rub the clitoris with one of those fingers gently. 'Borrow' some librication from the vagina to make the movement smoother and thus allow you to increase the pressure and speed with which you can touch the clitoris. Use any of the 4 key contact points (index finger tip, inside of knuckle, middle finger tip, inside of knuckle) or a combination of them to rub and tease the clitoris with circular or figure of 8 movements. Maintain a steady rhythm and pressure. When using the knuckle very gently move over the perimeter of the vagina with your finger tip so that it becomes lubricated, don't force your finger too deeply. Allow it to become lubricated before teasing it around and inside the vaginal entrance. If you bend the finger at the first knuckle it can be quite pleasurable, or if you insert it.
You may, if you feel so inclined, change your posture to crouch over her. Kiss her ears, neck and down to her stomach. You can use a thumb to continue to circle over the clitoris with small circles along its length if you're finding it hard to be co-ordinated or feel the need to vary technique. Consider using the index finger or middle finger of your other hand, when you've lubricated it, to penetrate the vagina slowly. You need not force to the hilt, the second knuckle is a good stopping point. Palm facing up, away from her body, finger slightly curved. You may be able to feel a spongey area about 2 inches in the front wall, if so move over this with a finger tip as you penetrate. Rotate your finger slightly at the base to stimulate the vaginal perimeter. Should be pleasurable anyway. Following her guidance vary speed and pressure, gradually increasing the speed of your circles or figure eights and finger penetration until she becomes rather too excited, then leave the clitoris alone briefly, continuing to kiss and caress her legs until she encourages you to repeat indefinitely.
That's a bloody long, rather pretentious post. Essentially you'll find your own techniques, it's not always the same and there's not magic formula. You need to vary from such things because even excellent technique can be boring when it's familiar. Essentially keep clean and tidy, go slowly and gently, position yourself comfortably, follow her lead, learn to recongnise the clitoris and g-spot. Remember the importance of lubrication and patience, patience, patience, practice, practice, practice.
Unless you hurt her there'll be plenty of chances and you'll be your own man.
Good luck.