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I have feelings for my best friend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have feelings about a girl I've known in Uni for three years now. We are also house mates too but Im just to afraid to tell her how I feel in case it ruins the really good friendship we have. We are always really "huggy" towards each other and get on well. Whenever I'm out in a club with her and go after other women she always seems to come up to me and dances with me (which means I never pull). When she was out with me and another mate the other day she said there was this guy she had feelings for but when I asked who she replied "oh im not saying, i think he only sees me as just a friend".

I always saw this person as just a friend for the last few years but recently things have begun to change and I have devloped feelings towards her. On the other hand I don't want to ruin a really good friendship. What should I do please?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Depends how genuine your feelings are. Honestly a romantic relationship founded on such a solid friendship is liable to last. And if you've got such a good friendship, you should be able to approach it without ruining things completly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No definite answer to this one but heres my take on it from a similar experience. Maybe it will help your decision.

    When I was 17 I was really good friends with a girl. We met as her best mate was going out with one of our group. She had the same wierd humour as me, seemed to like the same stuff and was kinda quirky, interesting and intelligent yet still amazing looking without being at all stuck up. To begin with she was with someone else so I never made a move we just had a laugh in each others company. I never made a move as I just loved being around her and she was kinda with someone else. It messed me up as I had some chances with some stunning girls and didnt take any of them as I was hung up on this girl at the time. My mates thought I was going mad or was on the turn!! To cut a long story short she finished with her BF, we came so close to getting togeather a few times but then she went off to Uni at the other end of the country to me. We kept in touch for a while and of course she met someone there so I kinda faded out. Shes since graduated from Uni and lives and works in London and we lost touch years ago.

    The fact is I should have made my move all that time ago, I may have been lucky, maybe blown out. At least I would have known one way or another. I would'nt have lost a friend really as we lost touch after time anyway. If you find someone you feel like that about and you feel there is a real chance you at least have to try. The real deal don't happen very often.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been in this situation twice. First time I did nothing through fear, and regretted it hugely as we ended up falling out anyway.

    Second time around I said something, and we're getting married in April.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    Depends how genuine your feelings are. Honestly a romantic relationship founded on such a solid friendship is liable to last. And if you've got such a good friendship, you should be able to approach it without ruining things completly.
    What Ms. Fiend said :yes:

    And then at least you'll know instead of worrying about it and regretting not having done it afterwards...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I bow to you Ms. Chicken
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fiend_85 wrote:
    I bow to you Ms. Chicken
    Thank you madam :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm in a similar position. I'm crazy about one of my best friends but it seems you have a much better chance of achieving something than me so go for it I say, if you like her that much it won't have an effect I don't think.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's tricky. I was in the same position last year, living in a house with four guys and getting close to one in particular, and becoming really good friends. I knewI was attracted to him and would like to take it further than friendship, but I had no idea what his feelings were or how to approach the subject. In the end I went for the "actions speak louder than words" approach and kissed him! I'm not advising you should do the same, it was a gut reaction, I'd just got sick of thinking too much about it and followed my heart... Fortunately I got the response I was looking for.

    But I'd recommend talking to her, tell her you really value her as a friend and explain how you've been feeling. You sound like you have a pretty good, healthy and solid friendship that this wouldn't do anything to ruin it irrepairably. I think you'd regret it if you didn't try. I know if I hadn't have made my move when I did then I would have lost the chance and I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. Don't agonise over it too much, internally fretting and keeping things bottled up, I found, was worse than the possibility he'd not feel the same. Go for it. You'll get some answers whatever happens and move on, hopefully in the direction you want.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with everything everyone else has said - the worst feeling in the world is not knowing how you stand about something, it can really eat you up inside. Just sit her down and have a talk - either get everyone else out of the house and share a bottle of wine or take her to the pub on like a quiet night - sunday!! and tell her how you feel - dont' blurt it out - start with subtle questions so you can always back out if you think its going badly.

    I've been in this situation before and kind of what happened is we both looked at each other and knew - but thats a bit random, so i'd suggest maybe asking.

    xxx
  • ClaireBearClaireBear She cares Posts: 467 Boards Initiate
    Hiya,
    You might want to take a look at this article too. It could help...

    CB
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