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What do i say?

BillieTheBotBillieTheBot Posts: 8,721 Bot
in Sex & Relationships
Hi, I'm new to this so Im probably on in the wrong place. A few months ago I slept with my now ex gf. She dumped me with no reason soon afterwards while i was away.5 months on im with a new gf and I have been told the reason she dumped me is because she was pregnant, and had an abortion so i wouldn't get into trouble.I told my gf and she said I should speak to my ex, but what do i say??? Any help would be much appreciated.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow that is a tough one. First off do you still have contact with your ex? know where she is etc?
    You're prolly a little blown away and confused, so I'd say before you talk to her figure out how you feel about it yourself before you go confronting her? Does it bother you? Does it not? Do you want to know? etc. Secondly I'd say to ask her, but don't assume anything, it could just be a rumour, and also keep in mind that she was prolly confused and stressed at the time so although it might not be right not to have told you, there's prolly a reason why.
    Good luck <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks a lot. I'll take heed of that advice and see what happens. How I wish i could live in ignorant bliss :-)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She had an abortion so YOU wouldn't get into trouble? Wow, that goes a bit beyoned selfless, doesn't it? I think you should try and find out a bit more first, and then talk to her. Tell her you know what happened and say that she should have told you. But bear in mind that's she's already been through a lot so she'll probably want to either cry on you or slap you. It would probably mean a lot to her if you at least kept in touch, even if you weren't friends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx Chica, I know I already posted a new message asking, but where in notts are u from??? Im from Mapperley, do u know it?
    As for the gf situation, I've had 2 different explanations. The second one (which I havent told my current gf) which Im 90% sure isnt true is that she had a miscarriage but didnt want me to find out, which goes to show how crap her friends are at keeping secrets. I dont know if we could be friends again, we were very much in love and the fact she couldnt trust me hurt me very much. I know I have no idea what she was going through but i thought u were supposed to be able to trust people you love?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think that you need to talk to her rather than listen to what her friends are syaing. You dont know if any of this really happened for sure and for all you know they could just be filling your head with a load of lies.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere:
    <snip> I know I have no idea what she was going through but i thought u were supposed to be able to trust people you love?


    This is very complex & there's no simple answer. When she fell pregnant she was probably confused, maybe not ready for the comitment, but probably didn't want to lose you either. Have you ever expressed your thoughts towards fatherhood, abortion, miscarriage, etc etc?

    Then of course, there's the effect of hormones on the way the brain works! lol.

    See if you can create, in your imagination, an image of how she might have told you. Then think of what your response would have been. Not how you would respond, with hindsight, but your immediate reaction. Also, try to think of how she might have expected you to react.

    She probably went through alot of emotional turmoil and her I don't expect her decision not to tell you was easy to arrive at. Maybe she just couldn't cope & that upset her to the point of not being able to admit her failings, or maybe she truely wanted to spare you feelings?

    You will never know if you don't ask her, but tread carefully, she might still be suffering.

    j9
    ps how old is she?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just thought I should let you know, the problem is sorted. I worte to her and she told me what was on her mind and why she did what she did. She also said it would be better if we didnt talk anymore as it is just dragging up the past, which I agreed with. And in response to J9's post, I am 17 and she is 16.
    Thanx for ur help guys
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Whowhere:

    >snip>
    And in response to J9's post, I am 17 and she is 16.
    Thanx for ur help guys

    It was only b'cause I wondered why she thought it'd get you in to trouble. No need to answer, it sounds like you've got it sorted. I hope you are OK with what you've decided <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

    j9

    Ps I think it's great that you can talk to your g/f about it.
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