im going crazy

Former Member · January 2005

Hi all, im really confused on what to do, im looking for any advice at the moment.

Ive been with my boyfriend for about a year and 3 months, i never expected we would last this long, His personallity is very clingy & possesive, we had lots of fights at the start of the relationship to do with me spending time with him. and we had a range of fights just to do with me having male friends, and him getting jealous.

Unforcentaly i gave into his ways, thinking he'd give me more freedom later on in the relationship, as his last gf cheated on him, and he was probaly just scared.

Whenever i say i do want time to myself, he sulks, and acuses me of not loving him. and what should of been the best time off my life, my bf has done very strange things like stayed up till 4 in the morning punching himself, and scratching at his legs, just over something like not paying him attention on a train home. (i know very strange, i shouldent of put up with it)

anyway now im stuck in a routine of seeing him, i see him for hours after college leaving me with not enough time to do any extra work, wash, dry straighten my hair, I have to go aroud his house everyday, and stay around his 2 nights a week, + he never leaves me alone at college. i feel very stressed and like i cant breathe.

i know i dont love him, new years eve he accused me of cheating on him, saying he cant trust me, just because i hugged a old friend goodbye.

I know i want to be single again, but after all the stuff that has happened it has made me very scared of him, especially after a year and 3 months.
I'm 18 years old, and this is my 2nd serious relationship, and my longest, i feel like im practically married to him.

Ive never actually broken up with someone in this sort of situation, and im not sure how i can approach it, can somebody help me?

We dont do alot of things together like go out and drink, he dont like clubs, complains about money going to my house, or going to the cinema. so pretty much i sit at his house, watching him play xbox. We never actually seem to do anything together unless its some sexual other then that we will watch tv together.

After so long doing this, i want to go out with friends go to clubs, but i know he would not agree, and the amount of time he leaves me for myself im busy catching up with college work. im 18 and i know i want to experience more of life.

also im scared because he is friends with my friends at college, and is in the same building as me alot, im worried that as soon as i end it, rumours and lies will come out of his mouth.

i really cant stop thinking about what to do, alot of people dont see why im with him, and i relise now, im just really scared, ive been driving myself nuts about it, and ive started feeling really depressed.

please help x

Former Member · January 2005

It does sound like a really difficult situation to be in

I think the best policy would be to be honest with him. Reassure him that there is no one else and you haven't cheated on him, but you feel that both of you need some independence in your lives, that you don't want him feeling hurt and insecure every time you go out or talk to another man, and that you don't want his life to revolve entirely around you and around worries of what you may be getting up to when you're not with him. Also explain that your college work is really important to you and you just need more time and space to focus on that aspect of your life, as well as spending time with friends without having to worry that he is going to be angry at you for it.

He sounds as if he might be the kind of person who is likely to threaten to harm himself if you break up with him, really the only thing I can recommend is that you stay strong and do what you have to do, you clearly aren't happy in the relationship and you don't want to waste more years being with someone who doesn't make you happy and who you don't really love. It will be really tough, but good luck with it.

Former Member · January 2005

leave him.

Former Member · January 2005

he does sound like the sort of person who will threaten to kill himself or hurt himself when (not if) you do it. when u do do it dont let him talk u out of it or change your mind. be firm. might be best not to do it when he's alone in the house though!
u will definately be better off when u do.

Former Member · January 2005

I can understand how he feels, because I went through the same kind of experience with an ex. He seems to be really insecure about himself. He really needs time to sort his head out, forgive the past relationship with the ex, and move forward with his own insecurity.

Although my partner tries to help me with it, its something I have to try and deal with on my own and it can be a struggle at times.

You need to tell him how you feel about him and how he makes you feel (suffocating you). Everyone needs to feel 'free' in their relationships. If you keep on going the way you are, it's gonna do your head in and really wear you down. (if it hasn't already). If he dosen't listen to you, I think you should think strongly about whether you should stay with him.

See if you can plan some stragies with him in moving forward from his negative behaviour together. Give it a whirl. If you see/don't see any changes you can make your next choice from there.

Take care.

Former Member · January 2005

thanks, yeah deffentaly, months ago thats what i would be affraid off, but i know he uses it to scare me.

I know now he has got alot of new friends, that live near him, so hopefully he has them to support him once its through.

thanks for all the replys so far,

Former Member · January 2005

Thanks for your view, hes not the most easy person to talk to, talking to him, about HIM, results in an instant sulk, walks off, kick things, and he gives me the "i dont love him, or i wont be saying this".... the only time we do talk in the relationships, is because something i done wrong, like the way my personallity is, or that im not giving him enought attention when im around him 24/7.

chan-chan wrote:

I can understand how he feels, because I went through the same kind of experience with an ex. He seems to be really insecure about himself. He really needs time to sort his head out, forgive the past relationship with the ex, and move forward with his own insecurity.

Although my partner tries to help me with it, its something I have to try and deal with on my own and it can be a struggle at times.

You need to tell him how you feel about him and how he makes you feel (suffocating you). Everyone needs to feel 'free' in their relationships. If you keep on going the way you are, it's gonna do your head in and really wear you down. (if it hasn't already). If he dosen't listen to you, I think you should think strongly about whether you should stay with him.

See if you can plan some stragies with him in moving forward from his negative behaviour together. Give it a whirl. If you see/don't see any changes you can make your next choice from there.

Take care.

Former Member · January 2005

twitch wrote:

Thanks for your view, hes not the most easy person to talk to, talking to him, about HIM, results in an instant sulk, walks off, kick things, and he gives me the "i dont love him, or i wont be saying this".... the only time we do talk in the relationships, is because something i done wrong, like the way my personallity is, or that im not giving him enought attention when im around him 24/7.

I understand how he feels BUT he must understand how it makes you feel and he has to want to change his ways otherwise you will be going back in your relationship, not forwards.

he has to understand how his responces effects you.

Former Member · January 2005

but u said u dont love him, so no point pretending u do really.

im going crazy

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