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Mother To Protective
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I feel my mother is to protective...
I am not a very outgoing person, mainly as my mother wont let me and i dont have any friends down my way. but when i do get out invited by friends and "my dream date" i have to refuse as i dont think my mother would let me.
They all go out clubbing and drinking (under 18), and i cant go, i want to go but my mother would be like:-
I want you in at like 7, who with?, where you going?, how you getting there? what will you do?
Do know if she just luves me and dont want me do be killed, or just to protective.
When i get invited out shall i just go and say to my mother i am going out.?
Oh and another thing she wont let my drink, does she expect me drinking ribena on my 17th B'day? i want to be like my friends and have some drink!.
I am not a very outgoing person, mainly as my mother wont let me and i dont have any friends down my way. but when i do get out invited by friends and "my dream date" i have to refuse as i dont think my mother would let me.
They all go out clubbing and drinking (under 18), and i cant go, i want to go but my mother would be like:-
I want you in at like 7, who with?, where you going?, how you getting there? what will you do?
Do know if she just luves me and dont want me do be killed, or just to protective.
When i get invited out shall i just go and say to my mother i am going out.?
Oh and another thing she wont let my drink, does she expect me drinking ribena on my 17th B'day? i want to be like my friends and have some drink!.
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Comments
Also with the drink thing, not wanting to sound like a boring old fart here, but you're still 16 (hope I'm right there) and maybe she's worried about you getting into situations you may not be able to handle so well because of distorted judgment due to alcohol? My suggestion here would be to maybe show her that you can be sensible with alcohol - do you keep alcohol in the house? My mum would always let me have a sip of what she was having when I was a child, and when I was in my teens, I was able to prove to her that I can be sensible with the stuff. Maybe she needs a bit of convincing in that department.
An old chiche here, but sometimes, if you want to be be treated like an adult, you have to show you can act like one. Maybe if you can show her that you're being mature about things (alternative - get some friends to come over to yours instead of having to go out with them all the time) then she may start to see that you can handle taking care of yourself, and that some compromise can come into the equation.
It can be a hard one for parents to do in terms of being protective of their young. My grandfather still tells my mum to drive safely, and she's 43
show your mom you are responsable and adult enough to go out, intruduce her to your friends... she is your mother... so she wants to protect you from "evil"
and maybe there was something in her life that showed her that going out is not that good...
good luck
I was 18 in september and my parents still wont let me stay round someone else's house, which is a huge problem if i do go clubbing and leave the club at 1am, then my dad would have to come pick me up...they wont even let me get into a black cab!
Think of it this way, those of your friends who are out gettin drunk early will lose the joy of the experience of clubbing at an early, whereas you wont.
It is a huge pain in the butt how parents are over protective, but iv come to the conclusion that when i finish college they have no control over where my life is heading, and they will have to accept that university is all about socialising. Thats when they will start to accept that i am an adult.
My advice would be don't argue too much with your parents, if you argued back then your chances of being allowed out would become less and less. If there are plans to go out, tell them in advance, say how its really important to you to be at that event, and make arrangements to show that you are responsible to sort things out for yourself. But remember theres no rush to do the whole clubbing experience etc. now, Your opportunity will come!
No my mum doesnt drink, sometimes some red wine when she is finished cooking the roast. I was going ot say when we wer in Sainsburys, can i have a Alcholic drink.
I have no proper friends
I have, i have given her 2, she still dont know how to use em'
That really is ridiculous. Just out of interest, what would they do if you phoned up and said you were staying at a friend's house, would be back the next day and then hung up?
Parents only want the best for you, so appear controlling as they worry what you're getting up to. Account as much as possible for your whereabouts, saying where you're going/who with/what time and how you'll be getting home. Then they won't worry so much, and will probably let you have more freedom. Don't abuse their trust by the first time they let you out, you come home totally drunk, as it proves why they were reluctant to let you out in the first place. Gradually over time, they should relax and allow you more freedom/won't monitor your every move.
Agreed, that is stupid, how are you supposed to learn to be independent if you can't even get a cab by yourself?
Mine only said the other day not to go out in the rain.
I have never given mine cause to not trust me, but when i think about it they do care and love me very much and i respect them for that!
try showing your mum how mature you are.
Thats what i thought
Don't let parents ruin your life...
Get some balls and stand up for yourself. You're old enough to do what you want to do, even if your mother doesn't know about it.
If i were to do that they would absolutely freak out!! I understand why they are overprotective at the moment though, because there is that murderer on the loose (u know the one in Richmond Park etc.) and thats by where i live, so all the parents around here are starting to get a bit wary.
Its not like I'm not responsible, i focus on my studies, have a great group of friends around me, work hard in my job and look after my baby nephew. So I dont need to convince them on that level. Tonight's gonna be interesting though, I'm goin to a party...i wonder what time my dad would want to pick me up??!!
Look joshmeister, just think tonight could be your last new years with your mum, make it special and suggest doing something. Why make the night unhappier than it is already?? Parents have trouble letting go sometimes, if u give a bit, they also give a bit...making your relationship with them better and they will learn more what you are like and will trust you going out at night
"how can i go out with friends", i dont really have any close friends who go out, i know people who do, i just dont know how to say "can we go out or somet"/"whens the next party"
get me?.
Those can be mixed with vodka or Bacardi and make lovely drinks!
Seriously, you're too young to buy alcohol anyway, but I suppose if you are at a party, you're not really breaking any laws by drinking alcohol if it's already there, so it should be more acceptable to your mother, as long as there are RESPONSIBLE adults there, so noones coming home paraletic, or being taken to the hospital getting drugs pumped out of them.
Just try to convince your mum that you are responsible and she shouldn't have any problems with you going round a friend's house. But if I had a child your age, staying out late going to pubs and clubs and drinking alcohol would be a definite no no.
Ach come on, life is for living...responsible adults at parties? If responsible adults are at 17 year olds' parties, the occasion ceases to be a party...
Being paraletic is a good thing - it teaches you your drinking limits.
Haha, true. Btw I didn't necessarily mean for there to be a parent there, just someone who's over 18 that the mother can trust. Wanting to get drunk is a personal choice, it's just wise to make sure you're taking precautions like making sure you get home safely, and if necessary, arrange accomodation for over night.
But to be not allowed to stay at friends houses is absolutely ridiculous! Were you allowed as a kid, like sleepovers and stuff?! I think my parents have been really good through my teenage years and we never fought over it. I just used to give them a rough time as to when i'd be home and if i was staying somewhere else i'd phone and tell them. There's never been any problems, I think i'd feel a distinct lack of trustworthiness if they had made me come home and insisted on picking me up etc.
In a way, it makes you more responsible - if you're treated like an adult, you're more likely to act like an adult. Drinking has never been an issue in my house, my mum always offered my drinks and we used to make cocktails together and try new spirits. It was never a taboo thing, and I didn't feel the need to get wrecked when I was out.
Being at university, it's pretty easy to tell those people who have been wrapped up in cotton wool and are either totally inexperienced in being independent and going out, and those who are so excited by the prospect of freedom that they go crazy, and haven't had the experience to know how to handle situations. I think it's important to gain your independence BEFORE you go to university.