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Mum blames herself
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi
I've never had a fantastic relationship with my Mum theres always been a lot of arguments. She has also never treated me like an adult namely because I was born 4 months early, nearly died lots and have been left with a slight disability. Shes been really really down off late crying everyday or getting upset at the smallest thing but she never confides in me (probably either because I'm family or because she doesn't see me as an equal adult). Shes been getting on really well with my bloke and last night he told me that she had told him that she blames herself for me being disabled and really beats herself up about it. this has really thrown me as I so know its not her fault but just one of those things. I remember when I was 13 having a real go at her cos I found out she didn't stop smoking completely when she was pregnant with me and yelling at her that I hated her and it was all her fault. Thing is it was a fault at the hospital that caused me to be born early (a test gone wrong).
Its really thrown me I dont really know what to do or think and it really hurts that she is feeling this way. Last night she started crying and saying she was a failure. I told her not to be silly and she was my mum and I loved her. She just started crying harder. I dunno what to do or think
Phoenix
I've never had a fantastic relationship with my Mum theres always been a lot of arguments. She has also never treated me like an adult namely because I was born 4 months early, nearly died lots and have been left with a slight disability. Shes been really really down off late crying everyday or getting upset at the smallest thing but she never confides in me (probably either because I'm family or because she doesn't see me as an equal adult). Shes been getting on really well with my bloke and last night he told me that she had told him that she blames herself for me being disabled and really beats herself up about it. this has really thrown me as I so know its not her fault but just one of those things. I remember when I was 13 having a real go at her cos I found out she didn't stop smoking completely when she was pregnant with me and yelling at her that I hated her and it was all her fault. Thing is it was a fault at the hospital that caused me to be born early (a test gone wrong).
Its really thrown me I dont really know what to do or think and it really hurts that she is feeling this way. Last night she started crying and saying she was a failure. I told her not to be silly and she was my mum and I loved her. She just started crying harder. I dunno what to do or think
Phoenix
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I think she was asking Rainbow Phoenix cause she said she was 13 when she said certain things and I was wondering how many years have passed also since that was said
Maybe when you said all that about hating her, blaming her smoking for it etc...it stuck with her. Or maybe her guilt for not being able to make your world easier and you having a disability is something she feels she can't help with and feels like she should be accounted for. I don't know but I'm not overally close to my mama, but in times like that, I've sat my mother down before now and spoken to her maturely - said my sorrys and released some of the pressures she feels about my brother. My brother has always pushed me away from my mum so she feels guilt for the different ways in which were raised and how he now treats her like shit and for no real reason to her, I treat her real good! She needs to hear it from you and it might be time to put on a brave face, sit her down and talk to her because she's blatently never dealt with all her emotions about it properly.
Malt xxx
When you're a mother guilt comes with the territory.
I'm 26 so the convo where I had a go at her was 13 years ago.I think I'll see how things go I cant really talk to her about it because she would then know my bloke had told her and it might stop her from confiding in him in future and right now I think she needs someone she can let things out to (unfortunately my Dad is of the 'stop crying its pointless and doesn't solve anything' type)
cheers again]
Phoenix
NOT you... :eek2:
So I guess you only have to show her you are actually 26...
Are you only child? If you are, so I think things are more difficult...