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Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi there

I'm in a situation at the moment that is driving me up the wall and round the twist. Not to mention making me feel incrediably guilty.

About 18 month ago my ex split up with me as he said I didnt trust him, this was because his behaviour was odd (ie staying out really late and being very secretive with his mobile) Turned out he ended up with the girl who I suspected him of seeing behind my back so go figure.

Anyway fast forward to the present. I'm engaged to a gorgeous bloke Ive been dating for over a year, we got to gether 3 month after the split with my ex. I love him to bits and have just had a really great xmas and am about to move in with him. So I should be happy, right? wrong.

I was in touch with my ex until about April this year then he stopped contacting me. Thing is I keep thinking about him I check his web page once a day and often find myself driving padt his house on the way home from work. I dont know why I do this and I feel so guilty.

Sorry for the rant



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You either do this because you're nosy and want to know what he is up to (perhaps you're hoping he is miserable?) or you still have feelings for him? Perhaps you feel that you jumped into your current relationship too soon after the other one ended and didn't give yourself any real time to get over him?

    If you want to be with your current boyfriend and you do honestly love him then you need to make yourself stop looking at your ex boyfriend's website daily. Perhaps you could clear it from the history or simply reduce the amount of time you go on the net?

    As for driving past his house, only you can make yourself stop. The thing is, do you actually want to stop?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know why I do it. I know recently when I looked at his page and it said he was single I felt a bit smug as I guess I wanted him to feel the hurt he had caused me. and recently when it said in relationship I felt a bit odd (not sad just strange inside)

    Thing is to all extents and purposes this guys a creep he told a mutual friend of him and one of his closest mates a secret about his mate that made the mutual friend really angry and cost the friendship. He did this cos he was angry at something his closest mate had done.

    As for going on his website I've tried to stop but its almost like I look on autopiolot now as I find i t really hard to break the habit. The same for driving past his house (my heart used to skip a beat when I saw he was in but now I feel nothing yet I still do it)

    I can't imagine life without my fiance, hes kind caring loving giving (all the things I thought my ex was and it turned out he wasn't) this is why I dont understand my feelings.

    Glow monkey
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We all pour over the past, but some of us do it more than others. I do things regarding my ex (who I'm still very very good friends with) all the time. Very recently for example I stole a photograph of his female cousin who I was always really jealous of when we were together. I'm not sure why I did it, and felt ashamed, but at the time it all seemed to make sense to me!

    I think we all do irrational things. Like you said, it is almost auto-pilot for you to look at his website or drive past his house.

    Perhaps you could take another route home just a couple of times a week and gradually change your habit that way?

    I know it must be very hard for you, but at least you have something else (someone else) to focus your attention on. Good luck. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the bit that really bugs me is that over the last month or so its all intensified and I'm not sure why. Its got to the stage where my ex keeps popping into my head during sex with my bloke and it spoils things. If my bloke knew he would be really upset :(0
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hey glow monkey...
    sounds like this is really gettin ya down chick. first of all dont stress. it is totally natural to have an interest in your ex's movements.... honestly! rest assured that many of us have been in that same position " hmm i wonder what my ex is up to now, is he happy, is he with someone....?" a case of curiosity killed the cat! especially if you had a close relationship with the guy. however, you are with this first class new guy who you are now about to move in with! (congrats!) you may be thinkin its too good to be true..... you say you drive past your ex's house out of habit, and check the webpages- again -out of habit..... think of it this way, if you were to toss a coin to choose which guy you would be with. what would you think if the result was that you were destined to be with your ex......? Would it make you sad or glad? if it makes you in any way freaked out then you gotta try to bring closure to the issue. dont waste your heart's energy on something that is a lost cause. invest in your new guy. bottom line is dont worry too much about how your ex keeps poppin into your head at the most random times.....it sounds like you would just like him to see how happy you are now and make him feel some of the hurt you felt when it ended with him. thats oK! youre allowed to have that right! just dont let it spoil things with your fab new guy!
    anyway that was a very long winded response! Ive had a lot of coffee tonight so thats my excuse.....good luck with everything and just focus on your lovely new bloke. your ex is old news. *hugs*
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