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Another one of those 'I want to leave' posts...but halls related.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I absolutely love my course, the people are great and I feel like I'm settling down well.
My halls are a different thing altogether tho. I'm just not settling down at all. I'm extremely shy and so I rarely say a word to the other lads in my hall. I think they tried their best to make me feel relaxed and to help me fit in which I really appreciated. But I think they're tired of me saying nothing and I think they've just given up on me. And I honestly don't blame them. I probably come off as really rude and unsociable...after all, it's not that difficult to talk and make friends, is it? I know it shouldn't be difficult and yet somehow it is just the hardest thing for me to do; to sit down, relax, have a chat, have a good laugh.
I resort to saying nothing, looking glum and the only time I say anything is my lame attempt to make conversation every now and then which is just asking random questions. I got away with that for the first couple of weeks as everyone does that. But I just haven't gotten onto the next stage like everyone else. I can feel so much tension when I walk into the room or when I try to talk to someone.

So I'm thinking of leaving the halls and travelling from home (about 30 miles away) each day. I'd save a lot more money as well. So I'm left with two obvious choices;

1. Leave the halls and travel each day. But a) how do I tell everyone else that I'm not settling down in the halls without sounding like I'm blaming them? and b) I'll have a hugely dented pride. I left my job back at home to move to the halls (was orginally going to commune) after arguing with my mate. To come back would just get a huge 'I told you so' shoved in my face.

2. Stick it out and try and get over my shyness. But I know that I'm more likely to just get further away from the lads and just lock myself in my room all the time (which I'm doing more and more). I really want to just get along with everyone and enjoy our nights out rather than sitting in the corner saying nothing or hiding away from everyone. I'm planning on working abroad next summer (via UCAS) and I know that if I can't handle this this situation without running away then how am I going to spend 3 months in another country??

So what do I do? I think my first payment for the halls is late next week so I've not got long to decide (can't really leave after I've just paid for my halls.) I seem to change my mind every 2 minutes. I know I can take the easy way out; go back home, not confront my fears, go back to eating 'mommys' food and having my own washing done etc. Or I can just try and stick it out and I might just suprise myself and make friends with the other lads in my halls.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mate we all go through this so dont worry :) I bet your flat mates are just as nervous as you are however you've just gotta try and overcome it. next time your flatmates go out for a night out go with them have a drink and jus relax and be yourself. Thats what uni is all about...being yourself, growing as a person and learning what you are caperable of. :D;)

    Stick with it!
  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    Talk to your flats manager/senior resident/whoever to find out your options first.

    Also, you should maybe try and talk to your flatmates about it too. They may be feeling the same. it is your flat as well as theirs so any concerns you have should be brought to everyones attention.

    I know doing that is easier said than done but I do think that it may be better in the long run. Leave moving out and commuting a last resort.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    dot worr yim like that as a whole at uni - l love my course and there a couple of people i know well virtually everyone on my course though and in my halls i just couldnt talk to

    its now 2nd yr and im a virtual recluse at the back of the lecture hall
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well just to let you know I ended up moving out just over a week ago and I feel a lot happier now. Sure it's a bugger getting up at seven every day but I just feel like i can cope better now!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well just to let you know I ended up moving out just over a week ago and I feel a lot happier now. Sure it's a bugger getting up at seven every day but I just feel like i can cope better now!

    lets hope this works out better for you in the long run
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wow, that is very similar to what I experienced. In my first year I live din halls but because my home was only 10 miles away I went home several times during the week. In the second year I lived at home and commuted but it really took it out of me at the time. I was having counselling for depression at the university and suffering kidney problems that were making me ill and in the end I left.

    Hope things work out for you, its good to know that you're enjoying your course! :D
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