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can't bring myself to have sex with my boyf
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
hey guys, im starting to think i have the most flawed sex life in the world 
a couple of weeks ago i posted a thread about feeling like my bf wasnt interested in having sex with me anymore.now the tables have turned.
last weekend i went to this party, got talking to a guy and just wanted him so badly.ive never looked at another guy throughout my whole relationship so this really worried me and got me thinking about things. i realised all the lust i felt for this guy,i no longer feel for my bf.
i tried to get myself to re-fall for my boyf again sexually,listening to music that reminded me of the early days, cooking romantic meal etc, but when it came down to it i couldnt face the thought of sleeping with him. a couple of days later i let him have sex with me ( *let him* i know that sounds awful) and afterwards i just felt terrible.i dont know how my feelings have just changed so suddenly.im desperate for advice on what to do, this is breaking my heart
a couple of weeks ago i posted a thread about feeling like my bf wasnt interested in having sex with me anymore.now the tables have turned.last weekend i went to this party, got talking to a guy and just wanted him so badly.ive never looked at another guy throughout my whole relationship so this really worried me and got me thinking about things. i realised all the lust i felt for this guy,i no longer feel for my bf.
i tried to get myself to re-fall for my boyf again sexually,listening to music that reminded me of the early days, cooking romantic meal etc, but when it came down to it i couldnt face the thought of sleeping with him. a couple of days later i let him have sex with me ( *let him* i know that sounds awful) and afterwards i just felt terrible.i dont know how my feelings have just changed so suddenly.im desperate for advice on what to do, this is breaking my heart
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Comments
Have a few days apart, and see if that helps.
Really I expect that in your heart you know if the relationship is worth working at or not.
I didn't try anything, it just came back.
So stick with your boyfriend at the moment, and try taking afew days away like kermit said. I'm sure it won't be too long before you realise what you want, but don't be too hasty in throwing it away, it could just be a rut.
Honestly, don't worry to much about it yet, you'll realise in time if the relationship has actually come to an end, but the lack of lust does not mean it has at all.
Think about how you said your boyfriend was like this before, and he got it back, i'm sure you will too
When this was happening to me i just sometimes had sex, despite how much i didnt want it, to prevent him from realising anything was wrong. I'd also try to see him as minimally as possible.
You can try to explain to him, calmly, that you're not feeling much like sex lately, reassure him that it's nothing to do with him. Lie - in this case it's a good thing. Tell him you still find him really attractive but you're just really stressed with other aspects of your life and dont want to think about sex at the moment. You could tell a lie like you've read somewhere that sometimes womens hormones can cause their sex drive to deplete completely for a long while occasionally. (hey, that might even be true!)
It happens, all the time. The supposed attitude is that couples are always at it like rabbits, but things get in the way of it.
That's what you need to be thinking about: what's getting in the way of it? Is it that you don't want sex, or is it that you don't want sex with him? I don't just mean looking at other men, because for many if there are problems in the relationship, particularly sexual problems, it is easy to look to new people as the "cure" when they are irrelevant in reality.
Are you unhappy, are you stressed, are you depressed? Sex is mostly psychological.
Isn't it funny how when this happens to other way around and the person "falling out of love" is a bloke, he gets called scum and is accused of wanting to "sow his wild oats"....:D
can you point to an instance where that has actually happened, in a comparable situation, because i dont agree with you.
Good idea reminding yourself of old times to rekindle the relationship. as this hasn't worked - why not try doing something special that you dont do very often! why not take him out for a meal/or cook him one in about a weeks time. you'll have both missed each other+will be able to spend quality time together where the focus wont be on sex (unless you're gonna do it in the middle of a restaurant
All relationships go thru this hun, so dont worry. Its just happened to me, but the spark just came bk bcos i had some time to myself!!
Good luck :thumb:
SBG
Seems like when women do it, they are 'always justified'.
Yep, I'm being bitter because it happened to me. My ex started to become very immature, always attention seeking and changed very radically from the person I first met. After 6 months I could take no more, she's changed almost unrecognisably and my love for her had long since died. In the meantime I'd met a great girl at work and soon realised she was the person who then had my love.
Oh for about 18 months I was accused of only going with the new girl to have my end away, of running away from responsibility etc.
Hardly cuts both ways....
Agreed. A few days apart seems to work wonders for my parents when they're having difficult times. They've been married now for 23 years.
I expect in real life, the people who judged you didnt know the whole story.
And then she's gone.