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Is she lesbian and does she like me?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm new to this site and posted this problem on another site and nobody responded so HELP me. I met a 50 yr old woman in an exercise class that I taught last fall and we hit it off as friends. I am 26 yrs old. I have always considered myself straight and I was dating men online and every day in class she would ask me the details of the whole dating men online almost like she was very interested in trying this herself. Towards the end of class she asked me to bring in pics of the guys I was meeting and I did and she got really mad and told me that I date guys that look gay and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. She also told me on several occasions that she thought that I was beautiful and had a hard time taking her eyes off of me. When I would ask her about her dating life she would get embarrassed and one time said, "I have this friend who comes over and we eat dinner sometimes." She is very vague about her life, but seems interested in everything about mine. We still keep in touch even though I moved to a different state. I am finding that I am very attracted to her and I can't stop thinking about her.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmmmmm. Pretty hard to tell from the info you have given and given the fact that don't know either of you. Sounds to me like she is a shy person hence the lack of information. She maybe flipped out on you over the pics out of jealousy. And as you've said she maybe is a lesbian but is afraid that by telling you she'll scare you away.

    Do you have any mutual friends? That way you could maybe find out a little more about her life.

    Or invite her round for a meal and afterwards get chatting. Ask her about her life, past, plans, hopes, dreams. Don't make it like an interigation though. Drop in stuff about your life as well. Tell her you kissed a girl once in college or something and found it exciting and see what she says.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you're still in contact with her; why don't you ask her. I can only judge what you told me; and I would think there was defintely a hint of jealously when you showed her the pictures. Though did she not explain herself, why she threw the head up? (Besides the whole, looking gay part)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its a tough one, it seems to me shes jealous for some reason, it mightnt mean she fancies you. she might just feel like shes getting too old and is past it with men, your only 26 so your still young and can pick up men etc. she might be jealous of it that way or she may be infact a lesbian as you said. its hard to say with out actually coming out and asking her but im sure if you spend more time around her, you'll pick up some sort of clue.

    sorry i cant be any more helpful :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We don't really have mutual friends, except some of the people who were in my exercise class that I taught. She's still in the class and some are some of the others. There were quite a few feminist lesbians in my class. It's not that they hated men or anything, but were pro-women. I'm not going to see this older woman again until Dec. I just saw her a couple of weeks ago and she bought me an expensive dinner and it was only our 2nd time of hanging out outside the class. We had a bottle of red wine that was pretty expensive. We were there 4 hrs. and when we were leaving she asked me if I had a place to stay, which I was staying with another friend and told her that. Then I gave her a hug and thanked her for dinner and she said, "Any time." Also, a few times recently when I talked about guys I met she asked me if I slept with them or if they were still in the pic.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Does anyone who has read my situation think it's odd for a single, 50 yr old woman to express that much interest in a 26 yr olds dating life and esp. her reaction by telling me I date men that look gay? I think that she would have had that reaction if I showed her 50 yr old men pics. The more I get to know her, the more I think she's a les, but I'm obviously not bothered if she is. The thing is I'm really crazy about her. We have a lot of the same interests and connect on many levels. Also, don't you think that if she did date men that she would say something along the lines of, "I have this guy friend who comes over and..." or "This guy I'm dating...?" She's very secretive about her gender and dating preferences. She will talk to me about where she grew up, her parents (who are dead), her job, etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know this sounds incredibly silly if not obvious, but from personal experience if your interested in someone of the same sex then the only way to know for definate is just to ask.

    if you like her and are "crazy" about her then its worth the chance of a little embrassment! And honestly if she is gay and is into you then your on to a winner and everybodies happy :D

    Hope you find the answer you want
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, from what you said, it does sound a little odd. So, either you've completely read everything wrong, or as you suspect she may be a lesbian/bi, or she has a fuck buddy and doesn't want to admit it (at her age that may just seem wrong to admit).
    Make some stronger hints and see what happens.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have a fuck buddy. She is a somewhat shy person and was raised Catholic so she's liberal, but has conservative views about those kinds of things even though she's not practicing any religion. She's very educated and paranoid about certain things. When I was still figuring things out I told her a story over the phone about me going to the bar and meeting 2 guys who were smart. I went to their place and I ended up kissing both guys and they propositioned me for a 3-some. My other gfs laughed, but she didn't and it was weird. She wanted to know if I slept with them and then if they were still in the pic. It was weird for me because I felt that she was jealous again.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ah, religion. That accounts for a lot. :(

    Well, sounds like you've just got to take a chance, see her on her own one day, and be fairly direct. What's the worst that you think could happen. If you don't take the chance, you won't know. Just be prepared for it all to go wrong, and live with the consequences.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The older woman I have a crush on is not a religious person at all. She was just raised Catholic because her mom was really strict. She just has standards and she's 50 yrs old so she's not into things that are cheap and one night stands fall under that category. She's very educated and most educated people I know understand the risks of STDs and AIDS and do not things to minimize their risk for those. That's why I don't think she has a fuck buddy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I haven't decided what to do about this woman crush. At one point I told her that I didn't think that I wanted to get married or have kids and she has hinted about that several times with a questioning look, but she hasn't probed me on the issue. I think I'm just going to try to visit a lesbian bar or organization to meet other women who are les or bi and talk to them, get to be friends with them, and maybe get a kiss or two to see what I like. Then when I see my woman crush in Dec. maybe I will be ready to talk about my new sexual orientation with her and the way I feel about her. I am pretty sure that she will be open to me being bi or les (whatever I decide I am), however, I'm just not sure how she will take the whole crush thing even though I've tried to hint by saying in my emails that I miss chatting with her and I miss her laugh. I also mailed her a book a few months ago as a gift. She read it and loved it. Maybe I should send her the Kama Sutra for lesbians??!! Do you think that would be a big hint? LOL;)
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