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Question for the males...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
How would you feel if your best friend told you they had feelings for your ex girlfriend?
The scenario is this:
You were going out for a fair few years, you fell out of love, split up and are still good friends with your ex. Your best male friend tells you he's fallen for your ex. How do you feel? Would you be happy for them to go out together?
I'm asking how the blokes would feel because I know how I would feel about it but according to some sources (Shelly ;-)) blokes think differently on this subject and I want to see if its generally true!
The scenario is this:
You were going out for a fair few years, you fell out of love, split up and are still good friends with your ex. Your best male friend tells you he's fallen for your ex. How do you feel? Would you be happy for them to go out together?
I'm asking how the blokes would feel because I know how I would feel about it but according to some sources (Shelly ;-)) blokes think differently on this subject and I want to see if its generally true!
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It suggests many things. Maybe they liked the person when you were with them? That would piss me off even to think about it. I'd also get the impression that the person doesn't care much for their friends (if they didn't talk about it).
Y'see I knew that lads would agree with me! Tweety tried to convince me that blokes wouldn't be as bothered as women would be. If it was the other way around and my ex started dating my best mate I'd kill them both.
Don't you think though that if you dumped your ex it would be different? After all, you no longer want to be with her, and you're still good friends, so wouldn't you want her to be happy? Or would you want her to be happy but just not with someone you're close to?
Anyway, if he can cope with her then fair play to him. If it was an ex I was still sore over then I'd be upset but wouldn't say anything, but I've got closure on all my exes (though I still find it entertaining to laugh about said ex and her bitchiness)
But I'd make an effort to save the friendship if I could, but I'd imagine it'd be pretty hard.
if i didn't then i'd probably tell him to go for it. if i did then i'd likely be pissed off but nothing i could really do, and then i'd get over it.
been in the situation where it's been me as the the mate and now he hates me and hasn't spoken to me since *shrugs*
Despite there being over two years between the two relationships (and the fact that the first fella dumped me in a merciless fashion) he still threw a hissy fit when he found out we were seeing each other, and since then they haven't spoken.
The thing is, you can never really know how people will react, because I had expected this guy to think nothing of it really. Whereas I've seen people be shitting themselves and sneaking around behind people's backs, only for them to not be arsed anyway when it all came out.
I think often blokes can protect their friendships from their relationships and feelings, whereas if a girl went after he best mate's ex it would likely be game over. Just tread carefully is the only advice I can give (don't know if it's hypothetical or not) and make sure the bloke knows that it might all turn sour with his mate...because if he's not prepared then it can cause tension between him and the girl too. I know that happened to me, to some extent.
Hope that helped...as much as mindless rambling can
Okie dokie Just thought I'd see if there was any chance of seeing you on Trisha in the future
This is kinda what i was trying to say.
I think it would depend on how over the person I was. Generally I'd consider it a no-no but if I was totally comfortable with the friendship and stuff then I don't see why not.
the human mind is far more complex than just being passive and allowing such a thing to happen, especially for males, men like to feel powerful, that they're in control, if my best mate saw my ex i'd start to wonder if he's better in bed, if he likes this girl more than his mate etc etc, then you'd start to hate your friend and your ex.
If this were a current relationship, I'd that it is harder - but mostly because breaking up is hard; it would damage the friendships if things had been going on behind my back.
I don't see a relationship about being in control -- if anything love is about being out of control. I probably wouldn't lay down my life to save the love of my love; but I probably would think about doing it
I'd ask if it bothered me, but in general it doesn't
I am glad I grew up when people were less self obsessed.
When I finish with a computer game I give it to someone else, in the hope that they will enjoy it. Nowadays 'you' would sell it.
if the guy tells your ex he likes you before doing anything about it then your ex should respect him for that.
if it was me, and i'd ended it, i would probably still be upset and not like it at first, but i'd come round after a little while and realise that it was me who finished and that i'd want you to be happy
I'd tell him to go with his gut of course, but that wouldn't make me feel any better. And then of course I wouldn't tell him that.
If anything sparked between the two, I guess it'd be fine because it's not really my buisiness. If they asked me to go out with them to like a movie or something, I'd feel really uncomfortable and I'd probably think they were feeling sorry for me (which would probably be the case) and I'd just tell them I'm busy or something.
Shit, now I'm talking as if out of experiance. It think I'll stop there.