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Question for the males...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
How would you feel if your best friend told you they had feelings for your ex girlfriend?

The scenario is this:
You were going out for a fair few years, you fell out of love, split up and are still good friends with your ex. Your best male friend tells you he's fallen for your ex. How do you feel? Would you be happy for them to go out together?

I'm asking how the blokes would feel because I know how I would feel about it but according to some sources (Shelly ;-)) blokes think differently on this subject and I want to see if its generally true!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    hmmm id be a bit annoyed cause it just like an unwritten rule, and as long as i know both r decent people and one wont abuse the other, im fine with it-ishhhhhh :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know you shouldn't be bothered and it's got little/nothing to do with you, I also know that people will be throwing comments all over this thread about how they have no problem with it and nobody should. However, I wouldn't be super pleased. There wouldn't be much I could do or would try to do to stop them, but as placebo said - It's kind of an unwritten rule.

    It suggests many things. Maybe they liked the person when you were with them? That would piss me off even to think about it. I'd also get the impression that the person doesn't care much for their friends (if they didn't talk about it).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Capacity

    It suggests many things. Maybe they liked the person when you were with them?
    Oooh, I didn't think of that. Very good point.

    Y'see I knew that lads would agree with me! Tweety tried to convince me that blokes wouldn't be as bothered as women would be. If it was the other way around and my ex started dating my best mate I'd kill them both.

    Don't you think though that if you dumped your ex it would be different? After all, you no longer want to be with her, and you're still good friends, so wouldn't you want her to be happy? Or would you want her to be happy but just not with someone you're close to?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it would very much depend on the type of bloke who would be bothered and the type of bloke who'd be going off with the other blokes ex. Some blokes, in particular the ones who can have any girl they want, wouldn't be so bothered.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I cant stand my ex because after being seperated from her and having the odd one or two 'close friendships' (as in, getting to know a girl really well but not going out and not doing anything) I've realised that in comparison to most girls, she's a bitch. So when my best friend said he was gonna ask her out and did I mind I said 'heck no' and he did. Mind you, when I asked her what she said she started being stupid in my face so I ignored her and asked him, he said she said yes. It was just so glorious though :D

    Anyway, if he can cope with her then fair play to him. If it was an ex I was still sore over then I'd be upset but wouldn't say anything, but I've got closure on all my exes (though I still find it entertaining to laugh about said ex and her bitchiness)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd be gutted. I couldn't imagine not being bothered about it.

    But I'd make an effort to save the friendship if I could, but I'd imagine it'd be pretty hard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    as petty as it may sound i think a lot of it would depend on who broke up with who and if i still had feelings for the ex.

    if i didn't then i'd probably tell him to go for it. if i did then i'd likely be pissed off but nothing i could really do, and then i'd get over it.

    been in the situation where it's been me as the the mate and now he hates me and hasn't spoken to me since *shrugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not being male, I haven't got first hand experience of this. However, when I was 15 the boy I went out with a lad for three months and he was one of the best friends of my current boyfriend.

    Despite there being over two years between the two relationships (and the fact that the first fella dumped me in a merciless fashion) he still threw a hissy fit when he found out we were seeing each other, and since then they haven't spoken.

    The thing is, you can never really know how people will react, because I had expected this guy to think nothing of it really. Whereas I've seen people be shitting themselves and sneaking around behind people's backs, only for them to not be arsed anyway when it all came out.

    I think often blokes can protect their friendships from their relationships and feelings, whereas if a girl went after he best mate's ex it would likely be game over. Just tread carefully is the only advice I can give (don't know if it's hypothetical or not) and make sure the bloke knows that it might all turn sour with his mate...because if he's not prepared then it can cause tension between him and the girl too. I know that happened to me, to some extent.

    Hope that helped...as much as mindless rambling can :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Briggi, it is hypothetical :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by BumbleBee
    Briggi, it is hypothetical :)

    Okie dokie :) Just thought I'd see if there was any chance of seeing you on Trisha in the future :lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Maladjusted
    as petty as it may sound i think a lot of it would depend on who broke up with who and if i still had feelings for the ex.


    This is kinda what i was trying to say.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Question for the males...
    Originally posted by BumbleBee
    How would you feel if your best friend told you they had feelings for your ex girlfriend?

    The scenario is this:
    You were going out for a fair few years, you fell out of love, split up and are still good friends with your ex. Your best male friend tells you he's fallen for your ex. How do you feel? Would you be happy for them to go out together?

    I'm asking how the blokes would feel because I know how I would feel about it but according to some sources (Shelly ;-)) blokes think differently on this subject and I want to see if its generally true!

    I think it would depend on how over the person I was. Generally I'd consider it a no-no but if I was totally comfortable with the friendship and stuff then I don't see why not.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd be happy for them, they are both my friends after all. If I thought there would be problems, I would try to tell them, so they can address it early - and probably be accused of trying to stop them because I'm jealous
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Carriage Return
    I'd be happy for them, they are both my friends after all.

    the human mind is far more complex than just being passive and allowing such a thing to happen, especially for males, men like to feel powerful, that they're in control, if my best mate saw my ex i'd start to wonder if he's better in bed, if he likes this girl more than his mate etc etc, then you'd start to hate your friend and your ex.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by turlough
    the human mind is far more complex than just being passive and allowing such a thing to happen, especially for males, men like to feel powerful, that they're in control,

    If this were a current relationship, I'd that it is harder - but mostly because breaking up is hard; it would damage the friendships if things had been going on behind my back.

    I don't see a relationship about being in control -- if anything love is about being out of control. I probably wouldn't lay down my life to save the love of my love; but I probably would think about doing it
    if my best mate saw my ex i'd start to wonder if he's better in bed,
    I'd ask if it bothered me, but in general it doesn't
    then you'd start to hate your friend and your ex.
    I am glad I grew up when people were less self obsessed.

    When I finish with a computer game I give it to someone else, in the hope that they will enjoy it. Nowadays 'you' would sell it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    im not a guy but i wanted to answer.

    if the guy tells your ex he likes you before doing anything about it then your ex should respect him for that.

    if it was me, and i'd ended it, i would probably still be upset and not like it at first, but i'd come round after a little while and realise that it was me who finished and that i'd want you to be happy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know I would be a little jealous, but at the end of the day I can't tell my friends who they can and can't go out with. I think it would be more easy if I was already in a realtionship though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a pretty good question.

    I'd tell him to go with his gut of course, but that wouldn't make me feel any better. And then of course I wouldn't tell him that.

    If anything sparked between the two, I guess it'd be fine because it's not really my buisiness. If they asked me to go out with them to like a movie or something, I'd feel really uncomfortable and I'd probably think they were feeling sorry for me (which would probably be the case) and I'd just tell them I'm busy or something.

    Shit, now I'm talking as if out of experiance. It think I'll stop there.
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