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I think im being selfish
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi hope everyones ok.
Well recently me and my best girl mate were talking and she said that she would get really jealous if i liked a girl because it might interfeer with our great friendship. I understood her and tried to reassure her.
Also recently this guy has told her that he likes her and im cool with that. But today she said she thinks she likes him too and they are meeting up 2moro to hang around in college.
Now when she said this i felt a rush of jealousy and when this happened i felt like a selfish little child. Its just pissed me off loads that she says she will get really jealous if i liked another girl but she goes and does the exact same thing to me.
Yeh i know its selfish of me but i cant help feeling jealous and annoyed at the same time.
What shall i do?
Thank you
Well recently me and my best girl mate were talking and she said that she would get really jealous if i liked a girl because it might interfeer with our great friendship. I understood her and tried to reassure her.
Also recently this guy has told her that he likes her and im cool with that. But today she said she thinks she likes him too and they are meeting up 2moro to hang around in college.
Now when she said this i felt a rush of jealousy and when this happened i felt like a selfish little child. Its just pissed me off loads that she says she will get really jealous if i liked another girl but she goes and does the exact same thing to me.
Yeh i know its selfish of me but i cant help feeling jealous and annoyed at the same time.
What shall i do?
Thank you
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Comments
Personally I don't see why there should be jealousy if you're just friends... is there more to your relationship than meets the eye?
Well in the past we have fancied eachother loads but never gone out with eachother, Weve kissed and done foreplay but nothing more.
I might talk to her, just tell her how much our friendship means to me and i wouldnt wanna loose her to anyone, even her boyfriend when she has one.
I still feel selfish, typical guy i suppose lol
The reason a lot of chaps and girls become such good friends in the first place is aside from the fact that they often find it easy to 'connect' is because there's a liking between them. This often turns into an attraction on one or both of their parts.
The fact that she said she would get jealous would indicate that maybe she likes you more than a friend. The fact that she said she would get jealous because it would put your friendship in danger would indicate that she values you as a friend rather than potentially anything more. You need to use your own judgement to decide which of the two it is. From what you've said, and for reasons I will explain below, I think maybe to your disappointment that it's the latter of the two. However, I'm not you, hence I can't be sure.
The fact that she is meeting other guys could mean several things. For a start, it could mean nothing, only you don't think of this possibility because you always fear for the worst in these situations. On the other hand, it could mean (and as I suspect it does) that she is under the impression that she can have a boyfriend and still keep your friendship strong, yet you would be unable to keep your friendship strong if you had a girlfriend (and in all honesty, most guys would find it difficult considering their girlfriend wouldn't think too much of it and they wouldn't have as much time to spend with their friend anymore).
Your jealousy comes from fancying her by the sounds of it. A guy can spend ages and ages happily being good friends with someone they fancy as it's all going well. However, as soon as it's under threat we start thinking differently - jealousy is a common result.
When it's all going well and you think a lot of her you don't even consider that one day she might find someone else until it's too late. I really would consider telling her that you like her (if you do) and if not then just let things take their course as there isn't much you can do. I can understand you being worried to say anything to her incase your friendship ends up down the shitter; but and if you don't take the risk to get what will make you happy, whether she stays your friend or not when she has a new boyfriend, you will be unhappy whatever the case.
That last bit was a bit hard to word, hope I made it clear enough.
Let me know how it goes.
Tom.
In the past when she had a boyfriend we was still friends but not at as close as we are now and our friendship has got stronger since. Plus when i did have a girlfriend i done everything i could to spend time with my friend too. My gf didnt like it but she lived with it.
I probably do fancy her, but iv lived happily enough for about 2 years now not going out with her so im sure i can live longer. I dont know if i do like her like that though its weird.
If i say anything to her it wont affect us at all, we can talk about absolutely anything so i can tell her how im feeling. She will be ok with it. I just dont want her to go off and ignore me when she said that she would do anything to keep us as close as we are for as long as possible.
Thanks for the reply tom, it was nice
She aint replied to my text and never picked up the phone when i rung her, also she still aint replied to my email that she read last night.
Ohhh god
Don't try and flood her out, just temporarily 'ignore' her and let her reply when she's ready. It might seem hard and you might think that it is your job to fix things, but in all the experiences that I've seen it never works and you just end up making yourself look like a dink.
There could be a reasonable explanation for why she hasn't replied, but don't act like a nob and give her a reason not to reply at all.
Hope it goes ok. Let me know.
Also she said that when she met up with him it was really good and that they are gonna hang out more often. Then she left quite suddenly.
It seems like she wants to spend every minute with him and not me anymore even though just sundat she said im her best mate in the whole world.
Il see how things go, im seeing her 2moro (wednesday) anyway so il see how she is then.
Don't loose what might well be the best 2 things in your world. Think it through before you say anythign tho cus the next steps could either destroy or make you two now.
Me and this girl have been through so much together and i dont think anything can make us fall out with each other. Weve had moments in the past where we dont talk because were annoyed but it always gets sorted in a matter of days.
She just now seems to be transfixed on this new guy. One thing that really got to me was that we were going on a date (well not technically a date, just going out but we call them dates) this thursday night as i wont bee seeing her all weekend. Guess what she does, she makes plans with this guy and after today im not gonna see her till at least tuesday.
Maybe its just a phase shes in, i hope so.
What a **** trying to take my mate of me, and he tells that to her. He also said hes too scared to say anything to my face incase i do something. Im not like that though.
Bastard