Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Mum

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I have been having a really rough time of it with my mother. I live away from home, and a few weeks ago she told me she was diagnosed with depression. Now, I know that in the past she had been to see a psychiatrist, and she had post natal depression after my brother was born. Then, yesterday she told me she's just had a miscarriage. She had an op after my brother was born to make her sterile, but her tubes reattached after she married her new husband (mum and dad divorced when I was 7 or 8). Then today, she askes me for a loan of money, £600 to be precise, to get stuff before she goes on holiday. She also told me that she's waiting for a cheque to come through for £29000, some sort of consolidation loan, adnd that I would definitely get it back on Tuesday, but I don't know if I believe or trust her. Now, I know she's had problems with money. When she was with my dad she didn't pay rent on the house until my dad found out his wages had been arrested. It took him years to pay it up. My brother got a job recently and she's asked him for money as well, and I think she is in constant debt. I have this money saved up for a deposit on a house, but it's not much, only about £700, so I said to her that I could only give her about £300, but I still grudge this. I don't know how to feel about it all, cause surely mothers shouldn't act like this?

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oh dear. Sounds like you've got it rough. Can i just ask, does she work? I know how hard the depression thing is, my mum has it, not as bad as she did have mind. Have you tried speaking to her? Asking her whats wrong etc? Then again it'l depend on your realationship with her as to wether she will talk. Hope you make a decision and everything is ok. x
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She does work, but she's been signed off sick due to the depression et al. She won't real talk to me, saying that the depression is a physical thing rather than a mental thing (hormone levels etc) I can't really talk to her, and when money comes up, she always manages to pull the guilt trip, saying things like 'I wouldn't ask you if I could give you it back'. She gave me money last year for my holiday, but in general, I've had very little help to get through uni from either of my parents. It just feels as if she is being really manipulative, and I don't want to risk giving her the money and then not getting it back, hence the reason I'm not willing to give her the full amount she's asked for.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Parents come in all shapes and sizes.

    When I was little my parents used to tell me don't answer the door to stranger, don't pick up the phone, etc

    Now it's me telling them don't talk to strangerson the phone they're trying to sell you something, don't agree to a free house survey, etc (Last time my mum said yes some idiot double glazing guy came around and stayed for 3 hours)

    Sometimes kids become the parents.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I suppose, but I don't want to be the parent. I have been since my parents divorced, growing up too quick, and I've had all the shit to put up with uni, supporting myself, living away from home, working part-time and all the rest of it, and now, with uni finished I was looking forward to my life being a bit simpler, and it's been anything but... :(
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tough situation.

    but when it comes down to it, you're not in the greatest of financial shape yourself, i imagine, after just going through however many years of uni. it sounds harsh, but you have to put yourself first, to some extent. and also, she can afford to go on holiday, but she needs to borrow £600 off you? something's not right there.

    sit her down, and tell her that yes, you love her and you'll be there for her in this way or that way, but you just can't afford to lend her any money right now.

    suggest she see someone like a debt counsellor, maybe. the more she keeps borrowing, the more debt she'll have, even if it's just to her sons.

    do you have any other relatives you might be able to rope in to help? aunties, uncles, anything like that? just someone to chat through your concerns more than anything?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by kaffrin
    tough situation.

    but when it comes down to it, you're not in the greatest of financial shape yourself, i imagine, after just going through however many years of uni. it sounds harsh, but you have to put yourself first, to some extent. and also, she can afford to go on holiday, but she needs to borrow £600 off you? something's not right there.

    sit her down, and tell her that yes, you love her and you'll be there for her in this way or that way, but you just can't afford to lend her any money right now.

    suggest she see someone like a debt counsellor, maybe. the more she keeps borrowing, the more debt she'll have, even if it's just to her sons.

    do you have any other relatives you might be able to rope in to help? aunties, uncles, anything like that? just someone to chat through your concerns more than anything?

    I agree 110% with Kaffrin. There's more than a whiff of emotional blackmail here I think and you need to look after no. 1. First rule - quickest way to get rid of someone is to lend them money. This applies to family too as I've discovered to my cost. Second rule - never lend what you cannot afford to lose, because the chance is always there that you will.
Sign In or Register to comment.