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Can't cope...
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Since splitting with my boyfriend of five years a week and a half ago I've been a wreck. I cried for three whole days and since then I've put on a brave face to others - telling them I'm ok and trying to surround myself with friends and family.
Today however has been one of the toughest so far. I called him to chat because he said we would still be friends (we've known one another all our lives) but I could tell he was slightly annoyed I'd called him. He also has me blocked on MSN and is pretending his computer is broken to me so he doesn't have to talk to me.
I'm finding it really hard going from knowing everything about him and being in constant contact to being cut off - I feel so isolated and low. I've got this constant feeling in my stomach and chest and the longest I can forget the pain is five minutes. Every time I remember what has happened the feelings come flooding back.
I've also had some recent health problems that I am going to have to have investigated and he is the only friend I have who knows all about them and I want to talk over my worries with him.
I just want him to let me be his friend but he's shutting me out. Argh, I know this isn't really asking for advice... basically I feel so ill all of the time and I honestly don't think I can go on this way. I feel like someone has cut a limb off or something. I can't go on this way at all.
Today however has been one of the toughest so far. I called him to chat because he said we would still be friends (we've known one another all our lives) but I could tell he was slightly annoyed I'd called him. He also has me blocked on MSN and is pretending his computer is broken to me so he doesn't have to talk to me.
I'm finding it really hard going from knowing everything about him and being in constant contact to being cut off - I feel so isolated and low. I've got this constant feeling in my stomach and chest and the longest I can forget the pain is five minutes. Every time I remember what has happened the feelings come flooding back.
I've also had some recent health problems that I am going to have to have investigated and he is the only friend I have who knows all about them and I want to talk over my worries with him.
I just want him to let me be his friend but he's shutting me out. Argh, I know this isn't really asking for advice... basically I feel so ill all of the time and I honestly don't think I can go on this way. I feel like someone has cut a limb off or something. I can't go on this way at all.
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Comments
I know this is hard as the past five years echo as to how you feel you much of a connection with him, and this will really come to a head since he's not around.
However a piece of advice I read from here was from Moonrat - You managed without him before, and you will again.
You just have to adjust. You really just need to have people around you just now to occupy your mind as loneliness just emphasizes how much you want to think of the past you can't have.
Personally, your ex is being a wank. Five years and he blocks you from MSN? That's what as ex of around five months would do. He has no respect for your feelings at all, and if he did care about you, he'd know this'd affect your health and would try to make things easier for the pair of you.
However, having been in the situation where you can't let go and refuse to see sense I know that reading that will just hurt you and make you want to cry twice as hard as you know this yourself.
I'm sorry but rising above past loves is part of life, and one day you'll vouch for it.
To be perfectly honest I think he is probably coping with it the way he thinks is best. He probably knows that it's over and doesn't want to give you false hope and thinks that by keeping away from you for a while you'll be able to accept that it is over.
Did he block you immediately or only after you'd tried to talk to him a few times? Perhaps he just want's to make it clear that friends will only ever mean friends and he doesn't think you are ready yet.
I'm sure these feelings will pass and you will be able to move on and be friends with him again when the time is right for you both.
Keep talking to your friends, you have every right not to cope too well at first. You need to speak to people. talk to them about your illness and your feelings.
im sure loads of other people on here will say the same thing, so please dont ever feel alone because there will always be someone around on here who will willing chat with you.
i know how you feel, and i know how hard it is, but one day in the not to distant future, you will wake up and it will hurt just that little bit less. and you'll know you're getting over him, and you'll realise you CAN live without him
chin up xx
this is true.
but the thing is, you probably don't even remember what before as like. you've been with this guy your whole adult life, and then suddenly everything you know about him yourself and everything is gone? no wonder you're a wreck. i think anyone would be. you need to ease up on yourself a bit.
and i'm not gonna pretend that the next few weeks or even months won't be really fucking hard. cause they will. i'm sure you knew that anyway. it will be hard to adjust, and you'll find yourself wondering why you're even bothering.
but you know, it'll get better. seriously. you WILL get through it. and it'll take time, but you'll find someone else who makes you feel all the same things he did and more. and one day, maybe in a few days or a few weeks or a few months you'll wake up, and you'll think 'i feel ok'. and it's worth waiting for that.
Of course, this is how many broken up couples get back together, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you should do it.
You might need to cut him off completely for a short while whilst you adjust to things being over. *then* you can start being friends.
:yes: and its so hard to decrease the level of communication to that you would have with a friend.
i think its easier for a while to have none at all, then once u get used to it like Mist said, try building it up again
That's a coward's way out of coping with a new situation that doesn't work for anyone.
You're well rid of him. You'll see it someday.
The thing is, if he would just be my friend and allow me to contact him more than once a week like friends do, then I would be seriously happy with not ever getting back together with him! I just feel like there are things I need to know. I was close with his mum and brother and his cats (sounds silly I know!).
Thank you all for the advice. Strangely after I posted this message last night he unblocked me and was speaking to me for a little while.
The problem was he said he wasn't in love with me anymore, but still loved me as a friend. Perhaps he is beginning to see himself that life without me constantly being around as a source of company could be quite hard. I dunno, obviously just his way of dealing with stuff I suppose.
Thanks.
i think you're spot on with that.
this must all be new and strange to him too, and he's probably just trying to make sense of everything. but push him for answers now and you'll just risk pushing him further and further away.
what i would do, personally (although i don't mean to tell you what you should do - that's totally up to you), is tell him how you feel, and that you do want to be friends etc, but at the moment it's too raw and you need time on your own.
after a bit of time you'll both be clearer about what you feel and what you want, and then you can start chatting again and your chats won't be as destructive or as weird.
We've a pub quiz team that we run together on a Tuesday and we decided it would be unfair on the others in the team if we didn't attend, so I'll be seeing him tomorrow.
Also, all of our friends are mutual! His friend Kieran lives with one of my best friends Jen. My other best friend Joanne is going out with his friend James. I'll see him every time we go out so cutting him out of my life for a while isn't an option - I wish it was though!
I just want you people to know that I've never had something as bad happen to me where I've needed to seek advice like this, and you have all helped me so much that I can't stress how grateful I am.
then how about you make a rule that you will only talk about things seperate from your relationship? give it a bit of time for the dust to settle.
it is an ordeal. and everything becomes twice as scary at times like this. i know that feeling. practically having a nervous breakdown every time you burn your toast. it gets better though.
and it's good that you don't have to go through it on your own. just be careful. and you'll be ok.
Sorry it's just you said we're advising you not to see him but you are anyway, so i didn't get what the problem was! Thing is, as harsh as it sounds if he wanted you involved in thing like his nan being in hospital etc he wouldn't have you blocked etc. You just have to accept it and try and move on as hard as it is.
Try to keep your mind off him. Black Knight gave me some good advice on here ages ago, I'll find the thread if I can. He said to put a rubber band on my wrist and flick it hard every time I had an urge to phone him. So I then associated the urge with pain an gradually I didn't want to.
You will go through some shit times, all the physical stuff, but it's all a process, like grieving. You have to go through it before things start to get better. And believe me, when you are ready to start going out, you will enjoy it so much. You will feel like a new person. It just takes time.
he may be wary of this!