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Lying

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, but I'd like some advice...

I was really hurt by my mum lying to me when I was younger (I'm 16 now) and now, everytime someone lies to me, no matter how petty it is, I go mad. I can't help it, I just react really badly to people lying. I've basically lost all my close friends because they all lied to me and kept things from me for months about something very close to my heart.

I was just wondering is it normal for childhood experiences (I know I am still basically a child now) to change how you react to situations now?

I think I sound a bit weird from what I've said but I can't think of another way to write it.

Comments

  • littlemissylittlemissy knit chick Posts: 9,972
    Re: Lying
    Originally posted by **grunge gurl**
    I was just wondering is it normal for childhood experiences (I know I am still basically a child now) to change how you react to situations now?

    :yes: i cant really describe it but yes. things that have happened in the past can and will affect you today, particularly if you havent put your "demons" to rest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Re: Lying
    Originally posted by littlemissy
    :yes: i cant really describe it but yes. things that have happened in the past can and will affect you today, particularly if you havent put your "demons" to rest.

    Thanks...all my friends seem to think I'm weird because I can't stand people lying, I hate it so much. Their always having go's at me cos I always go mad when people lie to me, but with what's happened to me has ripped me apart twice and grrrr :mad:
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    I don't think you're weird for that. I'm pretty much the same way. I hate hearing (and I don't say) any lies exept when it's a joke (you tell the truth right after) or if it's obvious it's a lie (my head started flying and I had to change it). If you lie to someone you're harming them, if not physically then emotionally.
    My parents were lying to me lots when I was little too, but the lie that made me hate them so much was told to me by my "best friend" when I was 13. If someone lies to you (and don't plan to tell the truth later), they're not your friends.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Zalbor
    If someone lies to you (and don't plan to tell the truth later), they're not your friends.
    But that means that I don't have hardly any friends :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by **grunge gurl**
    But that means that I don't have hardly any friends :(

    Hmm, that's a bit worrying, I'm pretty confident that most of my friends aren't routinely lying to me.... :confused:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hang on, are you trying to say you don't lie??


    I think everyone does, its human nature. I reckon everyone cock-up and lied about to get out of trouble.

    Yeah lies hurt and its not kind. But sometime they are needed. Obviously you'll disagree because you've been hurt. But why not tackle the problem and confront your mother instead of disliking people who lie?

    You'll alienate yourself for the rest of your life if you carry on taking the moral high ground about people who lie.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Harmless
    But why not tackle the problem and confront your mother instead of disliking people who lie?

    I have confronted my mum about it, on a number if occasions and she now realises that she has hurt me alot and feels really bad about it, but I still get angry when people lie.
    Also, my friends who've lied, they all lied about why my boyfriend of a year and 2 months split up with me. I didn't have the foggiest why we split and got pretty depressed and then I find out he cheated on me with one of my best mates and every single person knew about it and no matter how many times I asked them they still lied.
    It sounds pretty petty and stupid reading it now because I am only 16 and I have the rest of my life ahead of me, BUT at the time I was hurt and I did really love all the people that lied.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You just gotta learn, that holding grudges is not going to get you anywhere. Gotta forget what your mum did. As you said, she feels bad so don't you think she suffered enough, rather having you hold it against her for the rest of her life.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know what you mean. When someone I cared about so incredibly much, lied to me, it made me change how I behaved. I don't like lieing, I can accept that I have lied before now on someone elses behalf (when she was cheating on her boyfriend) but I know lies piss me off immensely and they hurt me a lot more then whatever they used to.

    I think you need to appreciate that other people you know, do not consider the consequences of lies as much as maybe they should but be proud of the fact that you stay true and well, there's no point playing the blame game with your mama, just promise to be honest to each other in future, stay honest to yourself and your morals and try to refrain from releasing anger at being lied to in small instances,but make it clear that its not acceptable in bigger cases and you should expect more reliability and honesty within your friendship group

    Malt xx :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by malteser monkay
    its not acceptable in bigger cases and you should expect more reliability and honesty within your friendship group

    Exactly what I try telling people, but do they listen....no.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by **grunge gurl**

    I was just wondering is it normal for childhood experiences (I know I am still basically a child now) to change how you react to situations now?
    B]

    Definetely, especially if it's to do with your family and stuff.

    Even silly things like me getting badly bitten by a dog when I was little, I'm now scared shitloads of even medium sized dogs. I think a lot of stuff that happens in childhood is bound to affect you in later life.

    Even now, I have this natural guard that always seems to go up (I'm not even concious of it) and I don't let people know what I'm like deep down inside, because when I used to do that a lot, people always used to leave me or hurt me in some way.

    I've no idea how to fix it, but I know that what you're saying happens to a lot of people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to get it in perspective. Its bad if your mum lied to you about something really important, but you cant take that out on your friends for the rest of your life. As much as it might be not nice, nobody HAS to tell you stuff, and its perfectly reasonable for people to keep things from you occasionally. There are all different types of lies, and some are worse than others. Some are to prevent hurting people which is a good thing.
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