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Bdd
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Body Dysmorphic Disorder..
I had a friend mention it to me and say a friend mentioned it to her because they thought she could have it and she thought i could too, but I don't get it.. what is it exactly? Because I find it extremely hard to imagine looking different to how I think I do.. because I'm not crazy.. so how could someone look in the mirror and see a defect that isnt there?
I tend to pick up size 16s in shops and would pick up 18s if I was on my own but dont when i'm with people because they look at me funny, and really believe theyre going to fit and i dont see why they wouldnt thinking about it now. yet at the same time i know they probably wont (all of this is reminding me of "doublethink" in the book 1984..lol) and I am sure my facial expressions are all wrong, and my skin is disgusting and I could go on and on about every part of me and what's wrong with it, but is it just part of an ED or something else? Because it's appearance and weight. but i dont want to ask a friend because well.. i dont see how it's possible.. so if i go "is this true" or whatever then there's the risk of her panicking because it is true and i actually DO look as bad as i think...
I had a friend mention it to me and say a friend mentioned it to her because they thought she could have it and she thought i could too, but I don't get it.. what is it exactly? Because I find it extremely hard to imagine looking different to how I think I do.. because I'm not crazy.. so how could someone look in the mirror and see a defect that isnt there?
I tend to pick up size 16s in shops and would pick up 18s if I was on my own but dont when i'm with people because they look at me funny, and really believe theyre going to fit and i dont see why they wouldnt thinking about it now. yet at the same time i know they probably wont (all of this is reminding me of "doublethink" in the book 1984..lol) and I am sure my facial expressions are all wrong, and my skin is disgusting and I could go on and on about every part of me and what's wrong with it, but is it just part of an ED or something else? Because it's appearance and weight. but i dont want to ask a friend because well.. i dont see how it's possible.. so if i go "is this true" or whatever then there's the risk of her panicking because it is true and i actually DO look as bad as i think...
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ask any woman what they would change about themselves if they could, and i bet 8 out of 10 could reel off a list as long as their arm of all the things that don't like and want to change. i know i could.
in someone with an eating disorder, which i think you were saying you have, this kind of distorted body perception is pretty much the norm. and i do that picking up the wrong size in the shops thing too. and i am still, to this day, genuinely surprised when the bigger size falls right down around my ankles. and when i'm looking at labels, i'll pick up one in my real size, because i remeber that was what i bought last time, and think 'there's no way i'll squeeze my arse in there'.
and i understand the feeling when you're looking in the mirror, and you see this monstrosity, and you think well, i'm seeing this, it is really there, so either i'm ugly, or i'm crazy.
you're neither though. just a little insecure, and a little scared. well ok, really, really insecure, and really fucking scared. but that's only human.
but BDD is more than that. it's obsessive, and it's all consuming. it's spending your life savings on plastic surgery and then still not feeling any better. it's barricading yourself in your house and not coming out for months because you don't want people to see your face, or whatever it is you think is deformed. it's getting up at 4am every morning to apply enough makeup to feel safe enough to go out in public.
there's a pretty good link here.