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Best mate going out with ex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Well, my best mate is going out with my ex. This, I don't have a problem with directly because I'm over her (it was my ex from about a year ago) and like, aren't bothered in that respect. But I am bothered in the respect that I think she's so possesive of him, I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with him. The only time he talks to me is when she's not there - and she's there all the time. They never include me in the conversation and I feel completely alienated. I have begun hanging around with other people :) who are really cool but this ex has a thing anti-me (her nick name for me is nasty bastard, though I was never nasty to her. Not once) and has started saying how all these people are bitches or if I'm around she'll say "I can't say what I think of them because certain people (me) will be annoyed".

Hell yes I'm annoyed. Anyway, why did god put girls like this on the planet? I don't mind if she goes out with my friend, just as long as she realises she doesn't own him. Currently, there is a big split developing between all of my friends - with some of them agreeing with me and saying she is possesive, and some of them not and saying that they don't know what I'm talking about even though she's attatched to him 24/7. I know some of the time yes, but to the extent that I never get to speak to him? In lessons I sit there like a dumbass with noone to talk to because she's come over to sit next to him (on the other side) and they're rabbiting away.

Anyway, that was 1/2 rant - I just don't know why one girl can disturb me so much! I said to someone the other day "i dont get to talk to [best friends name] anymore" and she looked up from across the room and gave me this dirty smile! My mum says she likes having the power and she was like it with me as well - as we only hung out when it was good for her.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Re: Best mate going out with ex
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    Well, my best mate is going out with my ex. This, I don't have a problem with directly because I'm over her (it was my ex from about a year ago) and like, aren't bothered in that respect. But I am bothered in the respect that I think she's so possesive of him, I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with him. The only time he talks to me is when she's not there - and she's there all the time. They never include me in the conversation and I feel completely alienated. I have begun hanging around with other people :) who are really cool but this ex has a thing anti-me...

    I don't mind if she goes out with my friend, just as long as she realises she doesn't own him. Currently, there is a big split developing between all of my friends - with some of them agreeing with me and saying she is possesive, and some of them not and saying that they don't know what I'm talking about even though she's attatched to him 24/7. I know some of the time yes, but to the extent that I never get to speak to him? In lessons I sit there like a dumbass with noone to talk to because she's come over to sit next to him (on the other side) and they're rabbiting away.

    BOY do i know how you feel.... except the other way round, with my best mate being a girl and going out with.... well, not an ex, but a complete git of an individual
    i've selectively deleted those bits that don't apply to me.... which isn't much, so you get an idea how similar my situation is
    i remember days when me and her used to be able to spend time together practically all the time.... now i doubt if i've had 5 minutes of private one-to-one face-to-face conversation with her all month
    she is always round his house, or he's always round her house, or they're doing something together. i joke about them being like siamese twins, but at heart it saddens me to thing me and her have been separated like this
    i wouldn't mind if i had time to just talk to her when it was just me, but he's there ALL THE TIME like a bad smell....
    and he annoys me so much, he treats me with such disdain and she just laughs at it.... if anyone else treated me the way he did she'd slap them, i've seen it happen... but with him 'hes just playing, he likes you really'
    i really don't like him AT ALL and she knows this, but i do not have a problem with the relationship per se, as long as she's happy. what i do object to is a friendship being sacrificed for the sake of a relationship what will be over by september anyway
    so you're not in the boat alone, fortunately (or unfortunately for the both of us depending on how you look at it)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What's a shame is I'm going Spain soon and then that's it we'll only contact long distance. It feels like she's trying to re-assert the power in my friendship group already. My best mate is already acting differently, like we used to joke about and I would slap his arse pretending to be gay :p (yes I'm weird) and he would just fake scream and all our mates would laugh - now he's suddenly super homophobic and me even grabbing his arm he pulls it away. Also, when I go to talk to him physically she moves around him, puts her arm over his tummy and kind of pulls him away into her so I can't speak to him.

    Anyway he'll come to his senses and realise that this girl is pulling him away from his friends. It'll be too late, mind you. Oh well. (one of the things that fucking sickens me the most is her telling me how to treat him when I've known him tonnes longer than her, grrrr)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    like we used to joke about and I would slap his arse pretending to be gay

    my god, i thought i was the only fella in the world who did that with guys....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by dr_carter
    my god, i thought i was the only fella in the world who did that with guys....

    nope, its a joke thing we have from ages ago. in yrs 8+9 i think everyone was really homophobic so I decided to tease my mates about it :p and then it just developed. Now he's happy and would just pretend to scream or something but since this girlfriend he goes all serious and she tells you off. But she's not his property!

    Gah. There is no solution!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    nope, its a joke thing we have from ages ago. in yrs 8+9 i think everyone was really homophobic so I decided to tease my mates about it :p and then it just developed. Now he's happy and would just pretend to scream or something but since this girlfriend he goes all serious and she tells you off. But she's not his property!

    Gah. There is no solution!

    i'd slap her personally.... :p

    if only that approach would work...

    i actually tried something with my friend today, i basically asked her how well we know each other, and how good friends we are, in her opinion.... and she's basically been texting me and chatting to me all evening, and arranging to do loadsa stuff... which makes me wonder whether
    a) i've made her think about the fact she's not giving possibly her closest mate enough attention
    b) she's actually trying to hit on me cos she's realised how much she loves me.... ooh, i wish.... lol
    c) her boyfriend is being a cock and she's basically talking cos she doesn't wanna talk to him
    any thoughts on that one?
    and if it's the first one, maybe you could try it, although it might not work too well with a guy, i dunno....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you don't need your so called mate or that BITCH, who if i ever see will have the shit ripped out of her. you don't need stupid people like that around you, they are time wasters and you are worth so much better..............honest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, if she's all posessive over him, isn't that their problem?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lucifer devil
    well, if she's all posessive over him, isn't that their problem?

    He's my mate!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just a thought...would it be so much of a problem if this girl wasn't your ex? I'm in a similar position, my sister is going out with my ex...it's all a bit weird!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by Joolyknockers
    Just a thought...would it be so much of a problem if this girl wasn't your ex? I'm in a similar position, my sister is going out with my ex...it's all a bit weird!

    Possibly because I don't think very much of my ex, so don't talk to her much and she doesn't speak to me much. This results in me being left out of conversations; though I'm sure bf and gf would prefer to have private conversations anyway. I'm kind of dealing with it in that I'm hanging out with different people now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    pshaw dont worry about it odds are it will end and your mate will come back so don't have a barny with his missus because you'll fall out and all you need to be is on speaking terms when they break up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    phone him up and ask him over to your house, or for a lads night out kinda thing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    He's my mate!!!

    yeh, i understand that..but it's for him to find out what she's like or whatever.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lucifer devil
    yeh, i understand that..but it's for him to find out what she's like or whatever.

    'sfunny you mention it, because he knows her from when I went out with her. He knows her just as well as I do I suppose but then again I don't know. After exams I'll have moved though and like, that's the end of that.

    I would invite him over but currently I don't have much time so it's only at school and such - the problem being there that she's glued to him.

    I'm going out with him tomorrow but she's going to be there and god it's awful because you don't get to talk to him at all!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by TheShyBoyInTheCorner
    'sfunny you mention it, because he knows her from when I went out with her. He knows her just as well as I do I suppose but then again I don't know. After exams I'll have moved though and like, that's the end of that.

    one of my best mates started going out with this lad i had a thing for about 2 years for. i'd seen him a few times and he'd liked me too but then well, he didn't treat me very nice. thing is, when she started going out with him, i was pretty gutted cos i still had a thing for him. but there was nothing i could do about them, i wouldnt want to. she had to learn for herself. your mate might even be happy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lucifer devil
    one of my best mates started going out with this lad i had a thing for about 2 years for. i'd seen him a few times and he'd liked me too but then well, he didn't treat me very nice. thing is, when she started going out with him, i was pretty gutted cos i still had a thing for him. but there was nothing i could do about them, i wouldnt want to. she had to learn for herself. your mate might even be happy.

    yeh he is which im glad for. I aint though cos im going away soon and like, I feel like I've lost my best mate to her. Surely you can see where I'm coming from? Imagine trying to go up to your best friend and talk to them and their boyfriend cutting in the middle of the conversation with little 'jokey' insults at you and making little remarks. It's worst of all when I want to have a serious conversation with him she won't go away!!
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