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trouble gettin it in?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all,

I’m having a little problem with sex well intercourse and was hoping someone could give advice….

Me and my boyfriend will have been together for 1 year in May, and we haven’t had sex yet, now my boyfriend is very calm and understanding when it comes to this matter as he is a virgin too and isn’t missing out on something he has never experienced.
But I still feel this is starting to affect us.

Well I have been to the doctors and they have told me the same as everyone else, that I need to relax, but I AM very relaxed around my boyfriend, this may not mean much to any of you, but I can fart infront of him!?! >That means so much to me!

I mean come on… you can’t get more relaxed than that!

When we try to have sex, it hurts and its not just any kind of hurt, it feels like a knife is slitting me in half… im talking serious pain. It really upsets me and I don’t know what else to do…

Please help…. Has anyone else experienced this or knows of someone who has?

Any info will help x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My friend had similar experience with his gf. It was painful the first time for her but is getting better. so im guessing time is the best cure. just take things slowly and good luck:)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Being relaxed enough around your b/f in that you fart does not neccessarily mean your relaxed enough during sex. You say that the actual penetration is sore so this will naturally make you tense up. And since everytime you have tried causes you pain you will probably tense up a little without realising it.

    Spend loads of time on foreplay and the build up. Try it over a few days to really get you going. You know just words on day one. Then some light touching on day two. Heavier stuff on day three. By day four you'll be really worked up and dying for it. Spend heaps of time on day four with foreplay and oral to get you well relaxed and try again. If it's still sore or uncomfortable then stop or slow down and try again.

    Good luck.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I remember when i lost my virginity, it really hurt me for a bit. You have to make sure you're wet, i found that using a condom helped aswel as it helped lubricate.
    Fearne x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yea use lubrication. And its obvious you are not relaxed because you are getting frustrated.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You are relaxed about your boyfriend, but you are not relaxed about penetrative sex. There's a difference.

    If it hurts once, then you will expect the pain again and again, and you will worry about the pain so you will tighten up and not relax. If you expect it to hurt then it will, simple as.

    I don't know how advanced you are in sex, but concentrate on the foreplay and enjoying each others' bodies instead of focusing on penetration and how much it will hurt. Lots of lubrication will help, but perhaps it might be worth forgetting about penetration for a while and just concentrate on oral sex or mutual masturbation. If he gently pushes his fingers inside you it might help you to stretch and to relax, and if you come several times through foreplay it will certainly help your vaginal walls relax and lubricate.

    Vaginismus, where the vagina won't stretch and lubricate, is a mental condition far more than a physical one. Relax, think of other things, and it will happen. But take it slowly.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thankyou for all your advice and i have actually read up on Vaginismus,
    but im not so sure id fit into that category!

    I make a lot of self lubricant and his 'finger' not finger's' arent a problem and neither are mine, its just painful when he goes to put it in, at the enterance, its as if it wont go.

    I get really turned on when we go other stuff and really love the fact that he's in me ( fingers) so i get the feeling that i want him in me but when we try it fails, i am frustrated with it, as its depressing knowing it cant happen, and i have lost faith in it all but i dont know how to re-build any of that confidence.

    x Aimz x
  • ClaireBearClaireBear Deactivated Posts: 467 Listening Ear
    Hiya aimz,
    There's already been lots of sensible advice given by people here and there's an article here and another one here that may also help give you some pointers and put your mind at rest.

    Hope this helps,
    CB
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't know if this is any help, but I had the same problem when I lost my virginity. It hurt so much when my then b/f tried to go inside, that I bled! :eek:

    But anyway, we just took it really easy for a bit..try to have sex, and then stop. Then one night, it just happened and then it didn't hurt at all! :D

    Try fingering yourself, that might help... other than that, just keep trying with your bf, relax, and enjoy!! :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It does make matters much easier if you're wet to start with so I'd go with the lots of foreplay idea!

    If its both of your first times its going to take a bit of practise anyway to get the angle right and whatever but keep persevering!

    If it hurts you that much, try going on top so you can control things more. If it feels like its not going to go in, try rocking very gently on him til it does. If you're in the right area to begin with, that usually does the trick! Hope this helps! x
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