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Arranged Marriages.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I dont know how people can go through with arranged marriages. To me you marry someone because you love them, not your parents. I have often wondered what it must be like to have your parents say this is your future husband and you are expected to marry him then live happily ever after 
Do we still have arranged marriages or are they on the decline? Do arranged marriages last ?
If anyone has any stories about this subject Id like to know a bit more, so any info you may have then fire away.
What are your views on arranged marriage ? and what would you do if you had to get married to a stranger, because in arranged marriages they are two total strangers.
Do we still have arranged marriages or are they on the decline? Do arranged marriages last ?
If anyone has any stories about this subject Id like to know a bit more, so any info you may have then fire away.
What are your views on arranged marriage ? and what would you do if you had to get married to a stranger, because in arranged marriages they are two total strangers.
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Comments
With an arranged marriage if they did not get on and just for arguments sake say the husband was violent towards the wife would the girls parents allow her to leave him, or would she be made to live like that ?
i'm having to unarange my youngest daughters marriage!
As for "honour" killings, I have never heard of any case in this country when someone got a reduced sentence...are there any cases?
Like M. Roll says our modern version has not always been the most obvious version.
For a lot of history marriage has been an economic prospect. A man needs to get married to have someone to look after the house and the kids, the woman needs to get married to have someone to support her and the kids and both need kids to look after them in old age.
It is only the enormous wealth of modern society and the protection afforded by the welfare state etc that allows most people to ignore these factors entirely and marry purely as a public commitment to a loving relationship.
Having said that though it would be foolish to discount economic reasons for modern marriage. Young women marrying their sugar daddies? Pre-nuptials? Pension schemes? Tax breaks? Immigration? Theres loads of it.....................
It's easy to say that there should never be an excuse for killing somebody because they displease you, but have you been in a situation of domestic violence? I mean I'm not an expert on it, but I assume that's what you men... right? I can't see why somebody would kill another person, but at the same time I hope to never be in the position where I will feel what it's like to be pushed to those measures.
Indeed, people used to marry for money and prestige, not through love. Further more whilst I disagree on the concept of arranged marriage there's also the debate that different cultures should have the right to practice their religion and culture... and that's somewhere in the human rights act too.
I personally disagree on the concept of marriage and the nuclear family anyway, but that's me.
It is easy for us to say they are wrong, but in Asian cultures they, along with arranged marriages, having been happening for a very long time. It is all they know. This is why it has taken time for racist and homophobic attitudes to change. If you hate someone, or a certain type of person, you can't just change your opinion. I blame the PC government for not teaching young British Asians about the clash of culture, for fear of being accused of repressing cultural beliefs.
She meant honor killings as in familys who kill a member because they've hurt their honor by acting to western.
but out of deep respect for their families and they way they were brought up and ...the fact that the families spent as much time together as possible for a few years once the fathers had agreed upon the arrangement meant all went well. she says they love each other deeply ...which took time and effort and comittment.
she did say though that as in all aspects of life there are arranged marriages that would better be described as forced marriages. those are the ones that make for a bad press. her and her husband are considering an arranged martriage for their eldest duaghter.
The only cases I can think of, recently the young Kurdish girl killed by her father, and Sadia Bibi in Birmingham, killed by her cousins who didn't approve of her fiance. In both of these cases the perpetrator was found guilty of murder and given life sentences.
I am glad I am not having an arranged marriage myself, but don't think it's necessarily such a bad thing. I think love can grow, and if your parents love you they will choose carefully.
My experience is that it has been up to the parties themselves whether everything goes ahead, but is this always the case?
I have not seen any studies but I have read a few articles by female Muslim journalists who all seem to say that the 'forced' marriage is in a minority. Arranging seemed to be an extended dating service where, people were introduced if thought suitable but by and large, the couple had a choice.
BTW aren't Royal marriages arranged? as I do remember several cases where Royalty have had to give up certain rights because they went against Royal protocol.
Ooh I understand. I was confuzzled with mercy killings.
That's because it's easier to get divorced these days... I think.
I don't think information for such a topic would be easy to come by. Think about it, looking at statistics how would we be able to define what a 'forced marriage' is and even on the grounds of interviews, families from different parts of the world have different views on honour and privacy. They may not confide in the interviewer on the topic or perhaps might lie for fear of trust. I couldn't imagine it being easy to analyse.
Gosh, that was patronising.