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Social services

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I dont really know if im posting this in the right place but here goes.

Im wondering if anyone can help me. My brother is 12 yrs old and lives with his mum. However, my mum has gone off the rails in a really bad way (drinking, taking drugs, attempting suicide, etc) and I dont deem her fit to look after my brother.

I'm thinking of contacting social services and asking them to give him to me. Im 19 and at university. My main concern tho is that they take him away from my mum, but don't place him with me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if this happens.

Does anyone know the kind of procedure il be faced with if i contact them? Do you think im doing the right thing?

Thanks

Comments

  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi Jordy,
    First off I really do think you're doing the right thing in considering this option. Obviously your brother would probably much rather be able to stay with your Mum, but if she isn't well enough to care for him then living with you is bound to be a postitive option and it would be essential for you to contact social services about such a step.

    I have actually spoken to a social worker about this (don't worry completely hypothetically) to make sure I would be telling you the right kind of thing, and they said that a social worker would completely be on your side and would much prefer for a child to live with a family member then any other option. Even someone younger than you (18) could be considered suitable to care for a minor.

    What's important is if you're serious about this then you need to have a clear, feasible, plan about how you could look after your brother. Think about where would you live, where would he go to school etc. You would need to contact the local authority of where you live to find out the details of these kinds of things. You would then need to present this information to a social worker when you contacted them. Contacting them without doing research is bound to just slow the process down.

    It's also worth bearing in mind that if your proposal is taken seriously that you will probably get financial support from your local authority.

    Hope this helps. :)

    P.S it's not clear cut, but think relationships is probably best place for this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've never had to deal with anything like that, but good luck sweetie Im rooting for you :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You have had some tough times of late.

    Really hope things get better for you soon. We are all with you :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you everyone.

    Helen, that was really really useful. I have began to look into that kinda thing (as in schools etc), and im going to speak with my accommodation agency to see if they can help me out there.

    Does anyone know if universities have any help and advice for this kind of thing. Im thinking that for phone numbers and suchlike they may be able to help? Thanks again everyone, really nice for you to have got back so quick x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello,

    I dont' have any real advice to offer you except - my ex boyfriend and his brother were thrown out by thier mum when he was 15 - or rather she moved to another part of the country and didnt' take them with her. As far as I know they were prioritised by Social Services were sent to the top of the list for council housing and were allowed to stay togeather with out a parent as his brother was 18.

    Social services will nearly always as a first point of call try and find a family member to look after any child who comes their way - so if you approach them showing willingness to look after your brother they will probably be delighted. However you also have to be prepared that they could want your brother to stay with your mum and then provide support to him and her togeather in their current home.

    Its worth remembering that they will be on your side and any suggestions they make will be in what they percieve to be your best interests - but be prepared to argue your case if you don't like the suggestions they make.

    I would also as Helen suggests do some research not only for them but also to look at weather you would be able to cope with looking after your brother and doing your course at the same time - as he is at senior school now I think that this is not too much of a problem for you - but you do need to address things like - where will he go to school, what will I do about after school care whilst i'm at university if I can't pick him up. Do you have a part time job and will he need looking after then? etc etc I would bear in mind that whilst your housemates are being great and supportive at the moment - but you cant' rely upon them for free babysitting in the long run.

    In terms of your university - normally they will have a welfare officer who should be able to point you in the right direction. If not I would also try your tutor as i'm sure that most universities should be able to offer you some kind of help and at least moral support - you might also be able to apply for hardship funds as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Wyetry:

    Wow. That was really informative. Thank you so much. I think i do understand all of the implications of what i am up against. I know its going to be hard and i may not get the result i want, but i think im going to go for it. I just want what is best for my brother, and living with me, is in my opinion, the best way.

    Thank you all so much
    x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I admire your determination and your concern for your brother.

    Use your tutor to work through the implications of becoming the carer for your brother whilst at uni, the financial, the practical and the social side of things. I know it sounds flippant but it will have a huge implication on your social life and hobbies as you will basically be a single parent. You won't be able to lead the standard student life.

    You deserve your student time, but your brother also needs his time as a child/teenager, he can't live a student type life at 12.

    There are lots of childrens advocacy services, which mainly work with children in care but some also advise and work with other young people too, so it would be worth trying to find one in your area.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I admire your determination and your concern for your brother.

    Use your tutor to work through the implications of becoming the carer for your brother whilst at uni, the financial, the practical and the social side of things. I know it sounds flippant but it will have a huge implication on your social life and hobbies as you will basically be a single parent. You won't be able to lead the standard student life.

    You deserve your student time, but your brother also needs his time as a child/teenager, he can't live a student type life at 12.

    There are lots of childrens advocacy services, which mainly work with children in care but some also advise and work with other young people too, so it would be worth trying to find one in your area.


    Thanks scary monster. I understand that my social life will take a huge dive, but i think that it is way more important for my brother to spend his time being a kid whilst he has the chance. I understand this implication, and it is a price worth paying for his happiness.

    I think im going to speak to my personal tutor tommorrow about this.

    Thanks
    x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    make sure that you do tell the uni about your new situation though, because i believe that you can get extra money in grants if you have dependents
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    make sure that you do tell the uni about your new situation though, because i believe that you can get extra money in grants if you have dependents

    :yes: Because you support a child, isn't there some sort of benefit (unrelated to uni) that you can apply for?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    :yes: Because you support a child, isn't there some sort of benefit (unrelated to uni) that you can apply for?

    Yes, Child Benefit..
    http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/YourMoney/DG_10016699
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but there should also be a one off (or yearly) grant from the uni...but double check i could be wrong...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Twisted_Trinity - I think I know what you're on about now. I can't remember what it's called, though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks people.

    Il check all those things out with my tutor tommorrow, and see what she has to say.

    You've all been really helpful
    x x x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't quote me on it, but I expect you would be able to receive the same financial support as if you were a single parent, so if your student income were low enough you would qualify for Child Benefit, Income Support and Child Tax Credit, and if it were too high you would get Child Benefit and Child Tax Credits- I think. You should also speak to your council about housing (assuming your student accomadation isn't suitable), and in my local area there is at least one charity that helps provide the bond if you needed to rent privately- Shelter might be the best people to ask. Not just for parents, your university probably has a hardship fund grant you can apply to every year for extra financial help too.

    I wish you the best of luck with it, whatever you decide to do- your mother and brother are very lucky to have such a loving, concerned relative as you.

    x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All the best for tomorrow and talking to your tutor. If they're no use then you can always try someone elses tutor or someone from the welfare team.

    I wasn't trying to say that you are doing the wrong thing for a moment, just throwing in some more ideas for you to think about and questions to ask.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All the best for tomorrow and talking to your tutor. If they're no use then you can always try someone elses tutor or someone from the welfare team.

    I wasn't trying to say that you are doing the wrong thing for a moment, just throwing in some more ideas for you to think about and questions to ask.

    Thanks scary. Im sorry, i didnt mean for my reply to sound like it did, reading it back it sounds like i was being critical of the ideas you were giving me. It wasnt meant in that way at all. You have been really really helpful, and i appreciate you respondin to my post. Thanks a lot, it is much appreciated.

    And to erveryone else... thanks too. Its hard at the minute, and its nice to find support and advice
    x x x
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