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Should lone parents be forced to work?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blagsta wrote: »
    What about an 11 year old kid?

    It depends on the family and individual.

    Most 11 year olds are capable of going home from school without a parent, I certainly was. There may be older siblings around, they can go to a friends house, maybe the parent works part-time or flexitime so they leave work early.

    Do you think an 11 year old requires constant supervision?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not necessarily. However I do think they need someone to be at home in the morning and at home in the afternoon, when they get back from school. Not many jobs have hours that suit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blagsta wrote: »
    Not necessarily. However I do think they need someone to be at home in the morning and at home in the afternoon, when they get back from school. Not many jobs have hours that suit.

    In an ideal world yeah. But I don't think children need their parents there all that much. I dunno maybe just cos I'm not from one of those cosy types of families.

    It depends where the parent works, they probably would be there in the morning as long as they didn't work miles away.

    What's wrong with a secondary school age child having an hour or so on their own? They don't have to sit at home by themselves, they can do stuff like go to the library, go to the park with their friends, go to guides/clubs, whatever it is teenagers do nowadays.

    Some companies do offer flexible working time. A woman in my office leaves work around 3pm every day to collect her 5 year old from school. Birmingham city council offers all workers flexitime so they can basically work the hours they choose as long as they complete their required hours each week. More places should have that sort of scheme.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My parents have always worked, my brother and i would often be picked up by grandparents and sometimes other relatives. Obviously not everyone can do that but at the end of the day - the benefits system wasn't designed to be a lifestyle choice. My mum is now a single parent and works hard, i often have a 1/2 hour ride on the bus to/from school and when i was in year 11, i had to get up at 6.30 in order to get to school on time when i took the bus - when my friends were often in bed till after 7. With younger children who aren't capable of looking after themselves i can understand, but when the children start getting more independant then they should be encouraged to work. However i do understand that it's hard to get flexible hours.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blagsta wrote: »
    Doesn't looking after children count then?

    If you look after other people's children, it's work. Look after your own, and it's scrounging.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not in a lot of cases. Very few families now get much support from their extended family. We only have one set of grandparents who are in another country so are neither use nor ornament when it comes to my parents working, and I'm pretty sure that applies to a lot of people.

    What should be a more feasible option for single parents is being able to work in a reasonable part time job without disqualifying themselves from all support.
    I was going to bring this up too. When it was just my dad and me i had one grandmother 150miles away siblings in higher education not living at home and no other relatives within 100miles. I was also "lucky" because my dad's company were very flexible letting him off early while I was finishing primary school and I had friends who I could go home with until he could get back to pick me up. I would have said that was unusual and I am very grateful. When I was in secondary school he would have to start work late because he had to drop me off, and if I were sick he'd have to work from home. Until I was old enough to look after myself.

    I would expect that it is the exception rather than the rule where you have extended family to rely on long term and on a regular basis.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    go_away wrote: »
    If you look after other people's children, it's work. Look after your own, and it's scrounging.

    Thats what it seems to boil down to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    In an ideal world yeah. But I don't think children need their parents there all that much. I dunno maybe just cos I'm not from one of those cosy types of families.

    You don't think an 11 year old needs their family? :eek:
    katchika wrote: »
    It depends where the parent works, they probably would be there in the morning as long as they didn't work miles away.

    What's wrong with a secondary school age child having an hour or so on their own? They don't have to sit at home by themselves, they can do stuff like go to the library, go to the park with their friends, go to guides/clubs, whatever it is teenagers do nowadays.

    Some companies do offer flexible working time. A woman in my office leaves work around 3pm every day to collect her 5 year old from school. Birmingham city council offers all workers flexitime so they can basically work the hours they choose as long as they complete their required hours each week. More places should have that sort of scheme.


    Meanwhile, back in the real world...jobs that allow someone to be there in the morning and in the afternoon, that also pay enough to survive on are few and far between.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You've got that right blagsta, at 13 i was probably ok, but 11 definitely not. My dad has worked for the same company for 35 years, it's that kind of employment, and that it was a computer consultancy company so working from home was not a problem, and had been set up while my mum was sick. I doubt that kind of flexibility is common.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not saying 11 year olds don't need their families. But do they need their Mum/Dad to be there to dress them in the morning and pour their milk onto their cereal every day?

    What is wrong with a kid being on their own for a short time before their parent comes back from work? As I've already said it doesn't even have to involve them being alone, they can do after school activities and go to friends houses, etc.

    I've obviously been brought up differently to other people but I would much rather parents went out to work even if does mean a kid has to learn to be independent. I don't believe in babying children.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Part of this debate is about the welfare system. There is an increasing acceptance that the bloated welfare state that has been built up over the years by Labour and Tory governments, and which has exploded under New Labour, is becoming too expensive and unsustainable to maintain. It's an argument to which I have my sympathies, although I'm not yet decided on how much weight this view holds.

    My view is similar to that of most members. I don't think that compulsion is necessarily the answer. If single parents wish to work, then allow them to do so. However, the benefits system should not punish them for doing so. Very few people begrudge single parents. Indeed, I saw at first hand the admirable way in which one single mother brought up her son, so I hold much admiration for single parents. They do an incredibly difficult job under strenuous circumstances. Whether they wish to work or not should be an individual matter, and not something to which a dead-duck government should be interfering in.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katchika wrote: »
    I'm not saying 11 year olds don't need their families. But do they need their Mum/Dad to be there to dress them in the morning and pour their milk onto their cereal every day?

    Of course they don't need to have someone pour their cereal, don't be so absurd. What they do need is for a carer to be there. Kids need emotional containment and boundaries. Not being there when they get up and when they come home is not emotionally containing.
    katchika wrote: »
    What is wrong with a kid being on their own for a short time before their parent comes back from work? As I've already said it doesn't even have to involve them being alone, they can do after school activities and go to friends houses, etc.

    There's nothing wrong with it. Where it becomes a problem is when they have no choice in the matter.
    katchika wrote: »
    I've obviously been brought up differently to other people but I would much rather parents went out to work even if does mean a kid has to learn to be independent. I don't believe in babying children.

    Who said anything about babying children? However, an 11 year old is a child. They are not an adult and should not be treated as such.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blagsta wrote: »
    Not necessarily. However I do think they need someone to be at home in the morning and at home in the afternoon, when they get back from school. Not many jobs have hours that suit.

    Rubbish. When I was 11, my parents weren't always up in the mornng and afternoon when I got back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry, I'm not sure what you're disagreeing with.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think what you said (the post I quoted) was a load of rubbish.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Which bit? That 11 year old kids need carers or that its hard to find jobs with hours to suit?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That 11 year olds need their parents to be there to do everything for them in the morning before school & after school.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I didn't say that 11 year olds need their parents to be there to do everything for them.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think its hard enough to find jobs with school friendly hours, and there is enough discrepency in the maturity of different children of the same age, that it would be damaging to far too many to force their sole carer back into the workplace, even if some were emotionally capable of handling it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote: »
    That 11 year olds need their parents to be there to do everything for them in the morning before school & after school.

    Are you wilfully missing the point?

    Nobody is saying that 11 or 12-year-old children need to be mollycoddled or mothered- they don't need someone to be there to pour their cereal or wipe their backside or whatever. But they do need someone to be there, they need a carer, and they need the emotional containment and security that comes from having someone there.

    I don't think mum getting home at 4pm every afternoon instead of 3pm will destroy them mentally. But latch-key parenting has been proven time and time again to contribute to childhood depression and anti-social behaviour. It isn't good for a child to get themselves up and leave an empty house to go to school, it isn't good for a child to be at school from 8am to 6pm every day.

    Why is being a parent considered to be "scrounging"? The same attitude comes across on here time and time again- last time this was discussed, parenting was described as a "hobby" and that attitude stinks. Parents who stay at home and look after their children are "scroungers", but if the children end up tagging the bus shelter because mum's never home then she's a bad parent who should be put in prison. It's either one or the other- either parenting is regarded as the important job that it is, or you shut the hell up when society disintegrates because everyone is a latch-key kid.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I bow to you sir.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why is being a parent considered to be "scrounging"? The same attitude comes across on here time and time again- last time this was discussed, parenting was described as a "hobby" and that attitude stinks. Parents who stay at home and look after their children are "scroungers", but if the children end up tagging the bus shelter because mum's never home then she's a bad parent who should be put in prison

    :yes:

    Sadly, you can never really do anything right as far as children/work is concerned. If you go back to work, you're a bad neglectful parent whose children will end up calling someone else 'mummy'. If you stay home to look after the children, you're a bad parent not contributing to the workforce and probably sat on your arse all morning watching daytime tv...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote: »
    Are you wilfully missing the point?

    Nobody is saying that 11 or 12-year-old children need to be mollycoddled or mothered- they don't need someone to be there to pour their cereal or wipe their backside or whatever. But they do need someone to be there, they need a carer, and they need the emotional containment and security that comes from having someone there.

    I don't think mum getting home at 4pm every afternoon instead of 3pm will destroy them mentally. But latch-key parenting has been proven time and time again to contribute to childhood depression and anti-social behaviour. It isn't good for a child to get themselves up and leave an empty house to go to school, it isn't good for a child to be at school from 8am to 6pm every day.

    Why is being a parent considered to be "scrounging"? The same attitude comes across on here time and time again- last time this was discussed, parenting was described as a "hobby" and that attitude stinks. Parents who stay at home and look after their children are "scroungers", but if the children end up tagging the bus shelter because mum's never home then she's a bad parent who should be put in prison. It's either one or the other- either parenting is regarded as the important job that it is, or you shut the hell up when society disintegrates because everyone is a latch-key kid.

    *claps hands*
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well said Kermit.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't see why couples should have to support single mothers when they can't even afford to have a kid of their own, that's how twisted the system is these days. i'm not saying single mothers are scroungers, but what we have now is whack and it does encourage certain members of society to be totally unproductive and just pop out a few sprogs so they can have an easy life. this is wrong.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Who does that then?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't see why couples should have to support single mothers when they can't even afford to have a kid of their own, that's how twisted the system is these days.

    How much do you think it costs to have a kid?
    i'm not saying single mothers are scroungers, but what we have now is whack and it does encourage certain members of society to be totally unproductive and just pop out a few sprogs so they can have an easy life. this is wrong.

    Do you think that parenting is "an easy life"?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    why do you assume single mothers were never with the childs father? I became a single mother after being dumped by my ex husband after 9 years. My mum became a single mother after having to flee domestic violence. There are a multitude of reasons someone might find themselves in that unfortunate situation. It really ISNT an easy life. Quite the opposite, and if you think it is, you are SERIOUSLY deluded.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't see why couples should have to support single mothers when they can't even afford to have a kid of their own, that's how twisted the system is these days. i'm not saying single mothers are scroungers, but what we have now is whack and it does encourage certain members of society to be totally unproductive and just pop out a few sprogs so they can have an easy life. this is wrong.

    this is the first bit of Sense i have seen on the P&D boards,
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :eek2:

    oh boy...
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