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Completely unfanciable. I'm going to top myself.
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Just out of interest, did you achieve that goal and if so, how?
What are your passions, your interests (apart from looking for a woman!)? People like to hear others talk about what they are passionate about.
YES, Jomery, please take note of this. My boyfriend was nearly 22 when I met him, had seen a few girls briefly (his longest relationship was 2 months) and hadn't slept with anyone before me, but I don't think this was ever a big issue for him because he was doing exactly as StrubbleS describes here: having fun, getting pissed and stoned and taking life as it came. And then, God help him, he met me :razz:
I met some girls last night at a gig, didn't see them as potential partners and ended up enjoying their company, having a great time, chatting loads and walked away with two new friends looking forward to the next time we all meet up
I'm very happy right now just meeting new people - the more the merrier and one day I'll meet someone else I can share my life with - but theres no rush
nothing wrong with that - enjoy life, enjoy being single and then when it happens you'll enjoy being with a partner so much more cos it won't feel like you've forced it
79
Also, truth is, most guys and girls are wankers. They will go on about how the other sex are bastards but still end up with them, they aren't the people you need to be chasing in the first place.
Your time will come, just get a bit of confidence, even if the first isn't all that great looking you'll still have that initial experience to build on. Chin up mate.
That's the right attitude here, jomery. I always was better off when I did not go out with the intention to pull. In my opinion it works pretty quick for a man to fall for a woman, but in much (most?) cases very slower in the opposite direction. A girl needs to make her mind up first
So if you are out with your friends and you get to know a girl it's just so much more easier to spend an superb and funny evening, being yourself, being a cool, modest(!) [what you seem not to be], witty, charismatic guy, instead the
Like I already stated. It's hard to tell someone in your position to kick back and relax, instead behaving like a hunter, but I found - at least for me - it works better.
That's not to say we're ungrateful of advice, we are but, well, I at least can't accept that sex isn't a vital part of life because I crave the experience of it so much.
Being in this position destroys self esteem which puts you further back in the pursuit of a solution.
Having zero confidence isn't exactly going to help is it but if no-one will touch you with a 10 foot barge pole, you start wondering if its gonna be that way forever.
I dont get it ?? :no:
Am I the only single person on here who honestly doesn't care that she's not with someone or something? Some of you seen to go on like it's the end of the world...
:yes:
Matt - I assume you're talking more about personality and lifestyle rather than looks?
Yes, the problem is with us but how do you improve confidence in yourself when no-one will go near you?
To me, it seems like the chicken and the egg story so to speak.
If anyone has a cure to help with self confidence then I'd be extremely grateful to hear it.
I do see what you're saying though Matt and agree. I just don't know how to solve it.
Look, I don't want to sound Master Yoda-like, talking to his padawans and I totally empathise with your 'curiosity' of how sex is like. But let me tell you that I lost it fairly early, followed by a long dryspell of nothing and I never look back and say "boooy, I'm so glad I was so young when I made the experience.", because it really does not matter at all (what seems like everyone tries to tell you, to soothe you!). I wished it was later, if it would have happened more regularly then. After my first girlfriend, a few weeks down the line and I felt so virgin-like again.
I really was anxious before the next time, but suddenly everything felt so familiar, as if it was riding a bike, something you never unlearn, but it was never OH MY GOD, IT'S THE SEX.
It's good, but you'd - for example - regret it deeply when you exchange, financial and social security, friends, wealth, health or status for sex.
Like I said, take it easy. Not until I nearly gave up, said "fuck it..." and did not bother much more, it wend upwards again, because then a sucess was a bonus and not a standard. Like telling your mum you want a car for x-mas. If you really think you are getting it, you'll be deeply frustrated, because you did not.
It's up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start
/geekmode
(except your cheat is for another game/console) ^^
for everyone who is/was clueless. It's a cheat for Konami games on supernintendo to have infinite lives.
When nobody goes near you, you need to go near somebody.
The 1on1 approaching is something I don't like much either. Try to go out with friends, like 2 dudes, and ask 3 single lookind ladies on a table if the reamaining seats are free, or better, let you introduce to a girl by a friend.
It just hurts if you do it with the one intention, you will always be hurt if it does not work out. Do it for the fun and the getting-to-know-people. Fuck, I met a girl at a club lately and when I ran out of cash she kept spending for me. Best reason to meet her again and get even with the drinks. 30 times it goes wrong, but if you are not expecting anything those don't bother you the slightest. It was a kickass evening, even tho nothing (much) happened! (yet)! don't be so impatient.
About the self-confidence: Nobody can infuse that to you. That's like bungee jumping. Everyone can give you nice words, but in the end you have to fucking jump. Pull up your pants, roll up your sleeves, swallow down the butterflies nearly coming up your esophagus and dare something you pansy!
Are you kidding me??????
seriously???
jeez man, I'd love to have that finacial security.
Man if you have that much in the bank, quit the job coz it sound slike you could walk into a job if you wanted anytime.
Take the time out for social. Go travelling, rough it or go in style - you can afford it.
Go on nights out, hang out in town and see if you can catch a girls eye.
see you mates, stay with them, join them on nights out.
Hell, do an OC and launch a charity and have big fancy parites for all the rich and upper calls socalities. You'll meet tons of people there and good chance you will find someone.
If you just want sex, hire a high class escourt, you could get the best of the best with that money - thats if losing your v is that important.
dude, you are so well off I wonder if your for real.
hey and if you discover that all that money isn't for you - donate it my way. I am sure it would go a long way to making me happy.
:yes:
The other thread is here
I've always seen losing virginity as some inevitable compulsory rite of passage otherwise you're just going to suffer with people until then.
This is entirely your problem.
Whilst you continue to see a relationship with a girl as a "target" so that you can get a notch on your bedpost, it's most likely never going to happen.
You need to completely re-evaluate how you look at yourself and how you look at women.
Also you need to consider the wider issues around what you wrote in your opening post. Although I seriously doubt that you are about to kill yourself any time soon, the fact that you wrote that shows that at least in some way you are looking at yourself as being worthless. The simple fact is that if you think yourself worthless, why should anyone else (IE a female) think that you're the best thing since sliced bread? It's your attitude and your perception of yourself that needs to change.
Lastly, and we said all this in the other thread, nowhere in the world is anyone as sex-obsessed as you make out that your "friends" are. At the very least you are building up what should be inocuous comments into something bigger than they are because of your perception as yourself as "virgin" (which noone can tell from looking, by the way.)
Read the how to be cooler website again.
:yes:
Lastly, and we said all this in the other thread, nowhere in the world is anyone as sex-obsessed as you make out that your "friends" are. At the very least you are building up what should be inocuous comments into something bigger than they are because of your perception as yourself as "virgin" (which noone can tell from looking, by the way.)[/QUOTE]
Which I pointed out earlier in the thread. (when I said something about how there are certain people out there who will boast about their sex life but most of it is probably them lying)
I use to have serious confidence issues, when I first came to college I would be too shy to speak and so my best mate used to kinda speak for me. Barwork helped me with that, at least with speaking to people... Ohh and getting really wasted and going up to people randomly.
Then I went to uni and I guess volunteering was what helped. Again, when I first came I was too shy even to speak in front of a group. I learnt to deal with fear by pushing myself in to scary situations (for example, recently I went to a poetry reading and performed some prose and poetry... I'm working on my public speaking fear).
You can't expect people to talk to you if you don't make an effort to look friendly and to talk to them too.
Jomery, you know that you can be successful and you can achieve goals. That alone should tell you something. You can actually accomplish things. You can progress. You can visibly see it. You can numerically see it.
So many people can't say they've achieved anything, let alone what you've done. That's both admirable and commendable. I would personally be proud of that because I would know I can progress. That's pretty ballsy. That's like a General saying "we're just going to keep pushing through" and he does.
This "virgin" fear is simply an insecurity. A mere gnat that stings every now and then, something that can be taken care of, but it's not totally necessary. It's like when you're 14 and someone makes a joke about Mister "Rumpled Foreskin" the ugly trouser snake, and you're the only one uncircumcised. Tends to make one feel a bit self conscious; maybe even a little tense. That's about it.
Lol i'd like to think i have the line between arrogant and self confident pretty much accurate (many others would differ
I'd say your analysing this too much. The minute you stop thinking so much it'll become much clearer.
don't you realize everyone is telling you the same, just in different font and colour? As long as you studying our words by heart and trying to mimic them, it will always com across as artificial.
lacy said, if you stop thinking about it, it becomes clearer, namaste said, just be you. I told you in at least 5 posts about how everything worked out for itself as soon as I did not bother much anymore with that issue and just went out with my friends, had fun, and behaved as I could not care less what others think about me. loosen up and discover and appreciate your life singleton and learn to deal with it, and so suddenly, without your expectation, yea actually because of the lack of your expectations, BAM, there she is... and if you go on counting the seconds and times you did not score you make yourself frustrated.
man, nobody can teach you that, it seems you just pic out the words you want to hear, whereas I couldn't really disagree with a single of the regular posters here.