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What would you do?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
If you were dating a guy...
Who had be chronically unfaithful in his last relationship.

Would you...

Be worried?
Give him a pre-emptive benefit of the doubt?

Or just hope and pray you were woman enough to keep him happy?
To keep him true?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id either be very worried or just wouldnt be dating him in the first place (which is more likely)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Someone who has cheated once has maybe just made a mistake and could well change but someone who has done it repeatedly has no sense of morals and doesnt deserve to be with anyone.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What about WHY he cheated?

    Evidently he was patently unhappy.

    I could never condone the fact that he cheated,
    but I understand why...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's a difficult one.

    you wana trust him and give him the benifit of the doubt.

    but then, trusting him will make it hurt more should he go and cheat one you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

    Although,

    I went out with someone and unbeknown to me at the time he had cheated on every single one of all his ex-girlfriends. When I found out I was a bit unsure but thought you know what, I'll just go along with it.

    Errr in the end he ended up cheating on me too.

    BUT. That relationship had its good points and its bad points, and i never would have got to experience the good points if i hadnt given him the benefit of the doubt...

    Sorry thats not the most positive story. haha.

    If its just once i would definitely give him a chance.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    LOL...yah, not particularly positive...

    But I hope you're ok.
    Did you manage to salvage what was left of your trust?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Anomie wrote: »
    What about WHY he cheated?

    Evidently he was patently unhappy.

    I could never condone the fact that he cheated,
    but I understand why...
    So if he decides hes unhappy with you then you're happy for him to go behind your back as well?
    Theres no condoning it at all, if he wanted to go off with someone else he should have broken up with the person he was with
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id be pretty worried tbh i dont think id be able to trust him any more
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Anomie wrote: »
    If you were dating a guy...
    What had be chronically unfaithful in his last relationship.

    Would you...

    Be worried?
    Give him a pre emptive benefit of the doubt?

    Or just hope and pray you were woman enough to keep him happy?
    To keep him true?

    I wouldn't worry about it. That definately gets you nowhere.
    I'd give him benefit of the doubt.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Anomie wrote: »
    What about WHY he cheated?

    Evidently he was patently unhappy.

    I could never condone the fact that he cheated,
    but I understand why...

    I wouldnt want to be with someone that cheated just because they were unhappy either. Crap excuse.
    If youre unhappy with someone you try and sort out problems or leave the person thats making you unhappy, not repeatedly cheat on your partner.
    I value fidelity and trust a lot, and whilst i could probably overlook someone having an indiscretion or two in their past, depending on the circumstances at the time. Repeatedly cheating on an ex would send HUGE alarm bells ringing, because the chances are they would do it to you too as soon as the going got tough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tbh it sounds like you're seeking validation to go out with him. If you want to, then go for it. Depends if it's been with lots of past girlfriends and if he did it repeatedly with his last because he was 'unhappy' then i'd be weary. If you do go for it, don't expect to be a miracle worker. Too many people think ''oh they won't do it to me....'' then it does and they end up in a mess.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    was he chronically unfaithful in his last relationship with you? i mean, were you the one he cheated on her with? or someone else?

    as for my trust errr. well i can probably say its not been restored no. but this is your thread not mine :thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was the one he cheated on her with.
    But in my defense, I didn't know he had a girlfriend.
    Had I known, nothing would have eventuated.
    I could never knowingly pursue a man in a relationship.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he'll cheat. I know the type of guy very well...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been the other girl before, unknowingly and knowingly. It's easy to listen to him say how he's unhappy in his other/previous relationship and that's why he cheats. At the end of the day though, it's down to you. I thought that I could get past it but I couldn't. I ended up cheating on him. I justified this to myself by saying that I wanted him to know what it felt like and that I wanted to hurt him before he hurt me. If I'm honest, I'm not sure why I did it but I know that, despite all his promises to move in with me, including telling all of his family and giving up his job, I was completely unable to get past the fact that he'd always been a cheat and that I didn't trust him. Without trust, what kind of relationship can you have?

    Good luck. If you go ahead with seeing him, you really need to make sure that it's the right thing. You can't hold past mistakes over one another.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For me personally, it would depend on why he'd cheated.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How do you know he's cheated on he's partners so many times?

    Did he tell you? in that case it shows he's at least trying to be honest and surely that's a positive start?

    If you found out through gfs, bloke mates etc then its likely he can't be trusted and it'll take lot to keep him on the straight and narrow.

    But look its life and its something to be enjoyed, if he can bring happiness into your life without bringing more hurt then I say go for it!! You can't stop yourself getting hurt in life but if your prepared for the worse then you'll be laughing soon enough! :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He did front up and tell me.
    He could have easily just kept it to himself and I'd be none the wiser.
    It's such a paradox though.
    As much as I value and appreciate his decison to tell me,
    I can't help but think how blissful I was in my ignorance before I knew.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, and that's how things work. but i'd rather know and be wiser and weary than ignorant and happy. it's better to hit the wall at 10 than 60 (mph that is).
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