So, My Son is 11 and 150 pounds

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
He always stresses about his weight, and has 0% self esteem. He was diagnosed 2 years ago with Anxiety, like me.. and it made him depressed, like me.

He doesn't go to school much, but a year ago he lost 30 pounds and grew 6 inches :thumb:

A cpl weeks ago he got really sick, and after that he got constipated and he gained 11 pounds, before that his stomach looked like it was going flat and his( this is embarressing for me, and him) "Man-boobs" were gone.

He also is not very social, hes in the house all day, he doesn't go out with friends, he said he hates the kids at school, and doesn't want to be friends with them, hes very intelligent though. Hes constantly stressed 24/7, even more than me, I don't think an 11 year olds life should be this hard :mad:

He agreed to go to a residence for a month, hes hoping to feel better after, and lose some weight because they will be doing things 24/7

Thats a couple weeks from now, and 3 days ago he began going for hour walks, and doing errands for us like walking to the store. Hes also starting to pile up a bunch of blankets on the hard floor, and doing some situps.. His stomach looks like its getting smaller, but I don't know if this is enough

I just wish he didn't have to do through so much stress :(

Any ideas on how to help him? :impissed:

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sounds like your son is really lucky to have a supporting and understanding dad like you!
    the main thing i have to say is thatdoing sit-ups wont reduce his stomach size, they will tone all the muscles. the increase in muscle tone wont be visible below fatty tissue though, so the best way for him to lose weight is by doing aerobic exercises like jogging, walking (which i see he's already doing), football, running and maybe take up a sport? maybe the two of you could put away 1 time a week to play footy/go swimming, whatever u both enjoy!!
    also, keep complimenting him when he does well! it will encourage him,help him loose more weight and hopefully reduce his stress levels!
    L+C
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi John.

    What a pickle. So many issues to deal with.

    Every time I try to answer this, what I'm saying seems to pose more questions than it answers, so I hope you don't mind if I ask you a few of them.

    Are you asking for ideas to help with his weight, or his other issues, or both?

    Does your son live with you full time?

    In your opinion, why is he overweight? Is it because he eats too much of the wrong things or because he isn't active enough, or a bit of both? Only there's no point giving you advice on diet or exercise that you don't need....

    Is his lack of self esteem just because of his weight, or do you think there are other reasons?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A lot of people find that doing a martial art increases thier fitness and confidence, perhaps he'd like to try karate or similar as an extra activety?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the residence course is an excellent idea, as he will be taught about food and exercise, and will be able to socialise people who won't bully him for his weight.

    I'm not sure what else to advise on, really, but I hope it works out well for you all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    katralla wrote: »
    A lot of people find that doing a martial art increases thier fitness and confidence, perhaps he'd like to try karate or similar as an extra activety?

    Judo is excellent for this. When kids start, they obviously have poor technique, so you will find that he will likely be able to use his weight to his advantage, which might help his confidence, since he should be winning quite often. And the more confident he gets, the more he enjoys it, the more he improves his fitness. And he might just learn some important social skills along the way. Because it's based mainly as one on one competition, there's not quite the same level of intimidation you'd get from joining an established football or rugby team.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd recommend as a future thing that he does take up a team sport though, or start doing martial arts seriously, as the social element may really help to bring him out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I reccommend getting him taught about nutrition. So many people think that eating is just to fill a hole and they stop there.

    By teaching people about what different foods do, what they contain, what the different vitamins and minerals do, and what consequences malnutrition can have, i think people can learn a lot more respect for their bodies and what they put inside it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the previous responses about becoming involved with a sport are really good ideas. I think something like boxing could be a really good direction as he can expell somes of the strains and stresses he appears to be carrying around with him but it's also a very physically demanding sport and involves eating well, doing regular aerobic exercise and using physical strength.

    I get the impression that your son feels like his weight is the root of all his problems. I'm guessing that it probably isn't and instead the weight is there because of an actual problem, whether it be low self esteem, problems with intergrating with other young people etc.

    School for me was a fairly scary place, although I had a good group of mates, I felt nervous everyday because of the general pressures put on me as a pupil, ie speaking out loud, reading to a class, fear of being laughed at, not wanting to eat in front of people, the list goes on and on. But I had my friends which made it partly fun, obviously school or your son, is a bad experience and perhaps the way he feels about school makes him reluctant to make friends.

    The point I am trying to make is that if your son had some more positive interaction with young people then he might come out of himself a bit more and become more confident and gain raised esteem and an added bonus of some good friends. Perhaps he would enjoy an acting class or youth club. Perhaps together you and him could take up some sort of hobby that would involve achievements and targets to meet such as races, go-karting, quad biking, learn to sail!

    I think the most important thing is to raise your sons self esteem and the bad feelings about his weight will become less magnified in my opinion.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miffy wrote: »
    Hi John.

    What a pickle. So many issues to deal with.

    Every time I try to answer this, what I'm saying seems to pose more questions than it answers, so I hope you don't mind if I ask you a few of them.

    Are you asking for ideas to help with his weight, or his other issues, or both?

    Does your son live with you full time?

    In your opinion, why is he overweight? Is it because he eats too much of the wrong things or because he isn't active enough, or a bit of both? Only there's no point giving you advice on diet or exercise that you don't need....

    Is his lack of self esteem just because of his weight, or do you think there are other reasons?

    I'm asking help for his weight mostly, as for the major anxiety(which basicly made him totally depressed) I'm working on, hes getting alot of help for that :)

    Yes he does live with me full time

    Hes overweight cause hes not active enough, he eats very healthy.. and he bugs me not to buy him any chocolate / chips anything, I went to the doctor about this, he said its his activity.

    I think his self - esteem is mostly on his weight, his anxiety doesn't help with that either :no:
    sounds like your son is really lucky to have a supporting and understanding dad like you!
    the main thing i have to say is thatdoing sit-ups wont reduce his stomach size, they will tone all the muscles. the increase in muscle tone wont be visible below fatty tissue though, so the best way for him to lose weight is by doing aerobic exercises like jogging, walking (which i see he's already doing), football, running and maybe take up a sport? maybe the two of you could put away 1 time a week to play footy/go swimming, whatever u both enjoy!!
    also, keep complimenting him when he does well! it will encourage him,help him loose more weight and hopefully reduce his stress levels!
    L+C

    Problem is with taking up a sport, is he just wont do it. Not only does he hates sports, he hates socializing with his peers, but I think I might go with his walks, and maybe take him to some places to do some activity.
    Blah wrote: »
    I reccommend getting him taught about nutrition. So many people think that eating is just to fill a hole and they stop there.

    By teaching people about what different foods do, what they contain, what the different vitamins and minerals do, and what consequences malnutrition can have, i think people can learn a lot more respect for their bodies and what they put inside it.

    Trust me, hes like a nutritionist ;)

    Thanks for all the replies, and giving me a few ideas on to help him, He knows his main problem isn't his weight, its his anxiety and depression.. but the weight problem doesn't help, and only makes it worst. He agrees 100% to go to the residence, and I hope he gets help and feels normal afterwards :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Get him interested in a solo sport then. Long distance running or cycling.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Great stuff. I think you've answered your own question really; if you could find some activities to do together I reckon it'd be a great incentive to him to take more exercise.

    Try not to worry TOO much about the depression in the meantime (easier said than done I know), at the same age as him I was off school for 10 months solid with clinical depression. I was a bit of a loner and not really interested in socialising with my peers too, and I'm pretty sure I've turned out OK in the end.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What about swimming? Thats really good for you, and its great fun! Cycling, canoeing, horse riding, or just take him for a kickabout every afternoon?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What about getting him a pet? (only if you can afford it obviously)

    Maybe having a dog, for example, would give him something to care for (tho' admittedly you'll need to be prepared to do most of the work just in case it doesn't work out) and focus on, and a reason to exercise by taking it for a walk.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What about getting him a pet? (only if you can afford it obviously)

    Maybe having a dog, for example, would give him something to care for (tho' admittedly you'll need to be prepared to do most of the work just in case it doesn't work out) and focus on, and a reason to exercise by taking it for a walk.

    He'd probably get bored of it after a while and then his father will end up looking after it. Usually the case with children and pets, but not all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    He'd probably get bored of it after a while and then his father will end up looking after it. Usually the case with children and pets, but not all.

    That's why I said "be prepared to do most of the work"...

    Maybe there is someone close who has a pet that he can "look after" - a neighbour's dog to walk, maybe - as a trail run..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well just eat healthy, and do daily stuff with him, residence is a good idea too.. it will get build his social life
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talia wrote: »
    What about swimming? Thats really good for you, and its great fun! Cycling, canoeing, horse riding, or just take him for a kickabout every afternoon?

    We can't afford anything to go out anywhere right now.. my wife was layed off, and I don't work :(

    He complains about our lack of money alot.Hes never been out of his city. The part we live of Oshawa is a pretty.. ugly place too

    We have a bicycles though :P, but its winter right now, but I just cant afford to take him horse riding or canoeing
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,329 The Mix Honorary Guru
    talia wrote: »
    What about swimming? Thats really good for you, and its great fun!

    It's only fun if you don't have serious body issues that are exacerbated by having to walk around with hardly any clothes on.
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