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23, never kissed a girl

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Warning: This is a bitter rant.

I am 23 and have never kissed a girl on the lips, nevermind 'pulled', had a girlfriend, or had sex. I have, however, spent thousands of pounds on girls, treating them well on dates, parties and balls, only for them to pull another guy in my face and end up going home with them that night.

The number of times I've taken a girl out say dinner first then to a club, or got them to be my date for a ball, and another guy comes onto them and they instantly pull I've lost count, and I'm just standing there looking sheepish and embarrassed. Whereas if I've ever tried to kiss a girl they turn their cheek or give the "we're too good friends I don't want to mess that up" shpeel.

I don't get it. I'm not unattractive - all my female friends say I'm good looking and say they can't believe that I'm single or never pulled. This just adds insult to injury - then why won't they ever want to be with me?! Less attractive, less charming guys with less prospects all have no problems.

If I can't even randomly pull what chance do I have of ever having a girlfriend? Here exactly the same thing has happened to me at least 5 times now - if I ask a girl out they say they're not looking for a boyfriend right now, and a month later they have a boyfriend. And if it's the same social circle I have to put up with them pulling all night at a party.

Woe is me.
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Happened to me once, met a girl in a club, swapped numbers, were dancing, then she started snogging another guy in front of me! I walked off, but to this day she texts me asking how I am :confused: and if we ever want to meet up. How bizarre.

    I think the best you can do is just keep trying, sometimes you get lucky and other times not. People can be fickle sometimes, they might like you but if a guy who looks nice comes onto them they might go for it. Whilst it's rude in my opinion - especially if you're on a date - that's what some people are like I guess...

    ...you're better off without those. But how to get the 'good' ones is all down to luck, because usually it happens when you least expect it, you'll meet a nice person as a friend and you won't think anything of it, then you're talking one night and you'll end up kissing and wondering what the hell's happening. Life's kinda crazy like that.

    Sorry if I wasn't much advice, all I can say is don't worry and keep meeting people :) because when you meet the right one you will know and you won't worry about all this time when weirdos who you went on dates with went off with other guys.

    edited to add: unless of course you're falling into the trap of treating them like a 'mate' and then they don't see it as a date but more going on the pull... Like I said, people can be fickle!
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    Go out get pissed, buy a drink for some random pissed up bird in a club and chat her up, buy her a drink. If she knocks you back, move on to the next.
    You get told to fuck off more times than you pull but it it works in the end.

    That way you don't have to take em out and spend loads of vonga only to realise what's on your mind isn't on hers and you don't run the 'we're mates' risk.

    If you pull, get their number and meet up later if they're up for it. Only then is it worth doing the wining and dining bit.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    edited to add: unless of course you're falling into the trap of treating them like a 'mate' and then they don't see it as a date but more going on the pull... Like I said, people can be fickle!
    Yes I think this is the problem, I say the word 'date' as in guy and girl going out somewhere together, but from their perspective they may well see it as just friends from the offset. But even if I've only just met someone they treat me like their new guy friend who they'll want to discuss their relationship issues with but never see me as potential material :banghead:
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    :no:

    That's the best way to guarantee to 'pull' when your out on the town.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can I be honest?

    You say you've spent thousands of pounds, so be careful these comen ain't taking you for a ride. I think it may be your social skills? How are you with flirting?

    What do you want from a woman?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    Go out get pissed, buy a drink for some random pissed up bird in a club and chat her up, buy her a drink. If she knocks you back, move on to the next.
    You get told to fuck off more times than you pull but it it works in the end.

    That way you don't have to take em out and spend loads of vonga only to realise what's on your mind isn't on hers and you don't run the 'we're mates' risk.

    If you pull, get their number and meet up later if they're up for it. Only then is it worth doing the wining and dining bit.

    Nail on the head :thumb:

    I'd guess that the girls you've encountered in the past have been happy to spend time with you while you were the only option for socialising and a bit of the high life, then someone with a bit more about them comes along and they're off like a shot. As a general rule of thumb, any lass worth bothering and who had a genuine interest in pursuing something with you would probably be pretty uncomfortable with a bloke who wasn't her boyfriend (and had no chance of becoming a boyfriend) splashing the cash from the word go. I can only really speak from personal experience, but I do know that that certainly wouldn't be a situation I'd be comfortable in. A girl who is just take-take-taking with no sign of interest in YOU is either out for what she can get, or is genuinely clueless to the fact that you're interested in being more than just friends. Though the latter is pretty unlikely.

    Go out and have a bit of fun. Don't dwell on women who show the minimum of interest (if any at all!) and just move on until you find someone who has a bit of patter and see what happens from there. It probably won't turn out to be the earth-shattering love of your life - though it might - but it will boost your esteem a bit. Confidence breeds confidence breeds success, most definitely :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Skive wrote: »
    Go out get pissed, buy a drink for some random pissed up bird in a club and chat her up, buy her a drink. If she knocks you back, move on to the next.
    You get told to fuck off more times than you pull but it it works in the end.

    All except the "buy her a drink" bit. In fact it's usually better to make a joke about it like, "What's a guy gotta do to get a pretty girl to buy him a drink round here?" But yeah, I think that approach does rely somewhat on being charming and outgoing, so it's not always the best option if you're quite a shy bloke.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    Happened to me once, met a girl in a club, swapped numbers, were dancing, then she started snogging another guy in front of me! I walked off, but to this day she texts me asking how I am :confused: and if we ever want to meet up. How bizarre.

    I've kinda had that before, but afterwards the girl said that she was trying to make me jealous. I could see it coming all night. We'd only pulled once before, and she came out with me and my friends, and I didn't make any moves on her at all. And I could see her getting closer and closer to one of my friends, all the while blatantly looking at me, but unfortunately, I decided to take this as a challenge, and refused to show her any attention. I met another girl I knew and started talking to her. After a few minutes she was kissing my friend, so I decided to bring this other girl to the bar instead. Came back, my friend went to the toilet, and the first girl was all over me. Haha. 1-0 :D

    Erm, but yeah, that's a really bad example. You shouldn't use people like that kids.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm, but yeah, that's a really bad example. You shouldn't use people like that kids.

    bwahaha...

    Well, @OP, I can only agree with what has been already said. If you take a girl out for a date, you probably knew her/befriended her before. Those are USUALLY a no-no, it just does not work (so so rarely)

    I recently met a really nice girl, through a friend. (he knows her from 5 minutes talking in a whole semester of studying). Random pulling ishard for me too, try to get to know new people through friends, collegues etc. They can introduce you to her and it's a pretty swell kickstart. You always meet girls and dudes through friends, friend's friends, collegues, collegue's friends, friend's collegues and so on!

    Don't try to be a doormat with buying them a lot of things. Basically I rather have split bill on the first tryst, but she paid for the tablefootie match, so I paid for 2 shots later.

    Never dwell on mishaps, they will - probably - always outnumber the successes (or whatever the plural of success is). You seem to be on the right path, maybe the last portion of confidence is missing tho!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I agree with the general sentiments of the thread. I think the key is to chill out a bit. It sounds like you come on quite strong. If you go in for the kiss and a girl is turning away, it means you're going in too soon, without any invitation. Things like spending money on girls can make her feel uncomfortable, as if she owes you something, and any girl that expects you to spend money on her that soon is probably taking you for a ride. Coming on too strong means you're putting too much pressure on a girl to decide whether she likes you, whether she want's to see you again, whether she want's to kiss you. Having a more chilled out attitude to it will give her the same feeling, and she might be more willing to open up a bit more, and ultimately have more fun.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In fact it's usually better to make a joke about it like, "What's a guy gotta do to get a pretty girl to buy him a drink round here?"

    if a guy said that to me i would NOT be impressed :p

    but you are right. a guy doesn't need to buy a girl a drink - she either likes him or she doesn't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :no:
    and whats your method of pulling then? :razz:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    if a guy said that to me i would NOT be impressed :p
    It's all about delivery (and how good looking he is).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's all about... how good looking he is.

    How true :p

    Unfortunately the only blokes who have tried a similar tactic with me have been enormous, beer-bellied 50 year olds who come up and slap you on the back full-force and ask when you're getting the drinks in :lol: Talk about charming your way into a girl's pants...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you're just aiming too high? That sounds a bit rude cos I don't know you or anything.. but maybe you AREN'T as good looking as you think.

    It's been said already but it does sound like you come on really strong. Thousands of pounds? That's crazy! If a guy ever pays more than half for me it makes me feel like I owe him something and I don't like that at all.

    Just chill out a bit, be yourself and stop trying so hard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe you're just aiming too high? That sounds a bit rude cos I don't know you or anything.. but maybe you AREN'T as good looking as you think.

    True, but harsh.
    Just chill out a bit, be yourself and stop trying so hard.

    Indeed. And it happens when you least expect it to.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd be very suspicious of a guy who spent any sort of money on me, if we weren't already an item or partners.

    Also,
    Less attractive, less charming guys with less prospects all have no problems
    .... this to me (and I may be wrong, I don't know) sounds like you hold yourself in quite high regard, as if the girls you know are lucky to be friends with you. I'm not saying you do this, just that from what you've said here, sounds like you think you're better than the guys the girls are choosing.
    If I knew someone who talked about guys who were 'less attractive' and had 'less prospects' I'd personally think they're a bit of a prat. (no offence, I'm not judging you...)

    I dunno, it all sounds a bit like you're trying too hard trying to impress girls with your money and prospects. Sometimes, people just wanna have a random snog/shag.....
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I do like a man with money, and i have been known to manipulate people into spending money on me in the past, however i have never done this with someone that i wanted to be with. If i wanna be with someone then i tend to refuse gifts and expensive things at the beginning cos it's makes me uncomfortable. To me, some girl that is getting all this is just taking advantage of your good nature and having a laugh at your expense.

    I'm all for the pulling a girl in a club thing. As for the bloke asking a girl for a drink, like someone said if it's done right it works. I go all jelly like and usually buy it them :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's just the image of a pissed guy going from girl to girl randomly smells a bit desperate, :razz:


    It's called having a laugh. I never understand these people that are so intense when it comes to romance. It's not all about chocolates and flowers you know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's just the image of a pissed guy going from girl to girl randomly smells a bit desperate, but I'm being very literal in the sense of the word "random" i.e. no prior consideration involved, and I'm also thinking one after the other in quick succession. I guess that's some people's bag, but not mine :razz:

    I'm a romantic, I can't help it!

    It's not going from girl to girl, it's about just chatting to different people. Talk to the girl at the bar when you're waiting. Chat to the girl that you're stood near when you go and find your friends. Chat with the girl on the way to the toilet. Working the room darling, working the room. *Insert camp smilie here*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's just the image of a pissed guy going from girl to girl randomly smells a bit desperate, but I'm being very literal in the sense of the word "random" i.e. no prior consideration involved, and I'm also thinking one after the other in quick succession. I guess that's some people's bag, but not mine :razz:

    well thats what me and my mates used to do when we were younger! get a bit drunk and get off with anyone who came onto us haha. it was all part of growing up and getting experience. something which this guy severely lacks.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote: »
    well thats what me and my mates used to do when we were younger! get a bit drunk and get off with anyone who came onto us haha. it was all part of growing up and getting experience. something which this guy severely lacks.

    There you go Bungle. Just go up to 16-18 year old girls who've just started clubbing and don't realise how hot they are yet. Oh God, I'm just full of the disgraceful advice today.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Jomery wrote: »
    Warning: This is a bitter rant.

    I am 23 and have never kissed a girl on the lips, nevermind 'pulled', had a girlfriend, or had sex. I have, however, spent thousands of pounds on girls, treating them well on dates, parties and balls, only for them to pull another guy in my face and end up going home with them that night.

    The number of times I've taken a girl out say dinner first then to a club, or got them to be my date for a ball, and another guy comes onto them and they instantly pull I've lost count, and I'm just standing there looking sheepish and embarrassed. Whereas if I've ever tried to kiss a girl they turn their cheek or give the "we're too good friends I don't want to mess that up" shpeel.

    I don't get it. I'm not unattractive - all my female friends say I'm good looking and say they can't believe that I'm single or never pulled. This just adds insult to injury - then why won't they ever want to be with me?! Less attractive, less charming guys with less prospects all have no problems.

    If I can't even randomly pull what chance do I have of ever having a girlfriend? Here exactly the same thing has happened to me at least 5 times now - if I ask a girl out they say they're not looking for a boyfriend right now, and a month later they have a boyfriend. And if it's the same social circle I have to put up with them pulling all night at a party.

    Woe is me.


    I've felt exactly the same mate only without the spending thousands of pounds on dates etc. I can't even get them! Oh and I'm 23 in October before you ask my age.

    It's a real shitter when you can't pull but my situation is down to a huge lack of self confidence steming from when I was very overweight (19stone nearly) and although I've got down to 12stone (I'm 6 foot 1), my self confidence has improved but not to the point where I'm comfortable in pursuing women. Having a small cock doesn't help either, lol. I'm constantly worrying about what would happen if I DID pull.
  • SkiveSkive Posts: 15,282 Skive's The Limit
    It's just the image of a pissed guy going from girl to girl randomly smells a bit desperate, but I'm being very literal in the sense of the word "random" i.e. no prior consideration involved, and I'm also thinking one after the other in quick succession.

    You pick a girl that catches your eye, and you approach her. Get chatting, maybe offer to buy her a drink, spend a bit of time with her, make some subtle compliments and see what happens.
    If nothing happens move on.

    It's not desperate, it's just simple fun and good experience.
    Weekender Offender 
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like I said earlier, that's not bad at all, just the way I read it from your original reply was "get off your face blind drunk and go from girl to girl indiscriminately" :)

    What's wrong with that? If the girls pissed too she's not going to give a fuck. I'd say 95% of my experience pulling girls have been on nights out, pissed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OP: I think you need to stop concentrating on trying to pull and just concentrate on having a laugh and a good time with your mates.
    When i used to be out on the lookout i used to pull some of the fittest birds when i wasn't even paying attention. I'd just be singing along and having a dance about with my mates and all of a sudden, blam! fitty grinding on me.
    You should try going to a nightclub (meatmarket) sober, stand at the side of the dancefloor and just watch all the desperados using all their 'best moves' to pull anything in a skirt.
    Its actually quite funny to see how sad and low some of them will go.
    You probably need practice at how to pull firstly but a good style me and my friends used to use was the rescue technique - you look out for a girl being hassled by some loser trying to pull her then just sort of drag her away to dance with you... kinda hard to explain but it seemed to work pretty well
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Was the "loser" also one of your friends? ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Was the "loser" also one of your friends? ;)
    Your comment may be in jest but we did actually do that tbh, it became a bit of a competition..:lol:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you should just relax a bit more and let them come to you, if you're as good looking as you say you are then it'll happen no bother.

    Don't spend loads of money on girls before you're a couple though. First step should be about getting to know each other rather than trying to impress her by splashing the cash, because that's a sure fire way to attract the wrong type of girl. Only when you're actually a couple then start treating them like a princess :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You sound like the sort of sad desperate man that thinks that splashing the cash and "treating her like a princess" is all you need to do to get her into bed. If every single girl you date runs a mile you really must be that transparent- either that, or the world's biggest bore. You're not a geography teacher are you?
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