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She loves him, yet likes me?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been talking to someone for a few weeks now. It has been fantastic to move on and forget about the problems in my life! We went on an offical date on Friday, things were really lovely and we got on well. I didn't want the evening to end and neither did she.

However, there's a bit of a problem with this girl. I think she's not over someone else and I've listen to her call him the love of her life (but not recently). This guy has rejected her advances a number of times. It has been something that has worried me but I hadn't thought too much about it.

Yesterday, this guy contacted her. She seemed dead happy to have talked to him. It made me feel a bit shit and slightly insecure. It makes me angry too, because I feel that if he decided he wanted her then she would drop me in a heartbeat! He has something big to tell her and is waiting till they meet in person, WTF!

I feel like I'm just helplessly watching these events unfold. What should I ideally do? Is it unreasonable to ask for her to reassure me? I've got a bad feeling about this. I even think that this might have been the reason why her other boyfriends have dumped her.


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you need to let her sort things out with his other bloke, if something is gonna happen between you two then she needs to get over him.

    Pretty cheeky to start going on about “the love of her life” when she’s on a date though.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shes probably trying to make the 'love of her life' jealous by using you tbh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ideally you shouldn't invest too much emotionally into this relationship, until you're totally reassured.

    I personally wouldn't ask for reassurance, judge by the way she interacts with you...

    There are ways to make her totally forget about her boyfriend, even using NLP but let's not get into that! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ive been through this a hundred times.

    whats more than likely going down is that the girl is confused. its possible for a person to hold feelings, but not love, for two people, or more. what youre best off doing is not talkig to her about it yet. let your relationship unfurl, but be very very cautious. because theres another man, this can get real tricky real fast. and things are gunna get rather emotional if you fall for her.

    then, theres hundreds of possibilities. for example, it may not have been an "official date". or, the big news may not be good for her, maybe hes telling her hes moving. only in a perfect world though, eh?

    id say just take it easy, and if worse comes to worst, if you must, ask her whats going on. but more importantly, dont beat yourself up over it.

    as cliche as this can possibly sound, theres plenty of other fish in the sea. cliches havent failed me yet.

    just stay cool, keep lvel headed, and be prepared for an interesting ride.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies

    If anything, this whole situation has taught me that I'm probably getting a little too emotional attached (too quickly) to this girl. She is open about this guy, maybe a little too open!

    What annoys me is that he blantly has no real interest in her. I don't think he has still told her his news, he was meant to call her after going out one night but never did. From the perspective of an outsider it seems he really doesn't give a shit for her. He doesn't contact her for weeks, and yet she justifies it to herself ("he is busy", "it's expensive for him to call", etc). I would love to make her understand but in my experience persuading people is near impossible!

    He has left it open for himself though, saying something like "maybe there will be something for us in another year or so". This could be just a nice way of him letting her down gently.

    I think I am just going to enjoy her time, not let it spoil our enjoyment and fun. Give us both a chance for the feelings to grow naturally.
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