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combatting loneliness

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
just wondering if you guys can give me any tips...

I stay in halls at uni, so my basic living quarters are a 4 walled room and a kitchen, no seperate space to hang out in, which i'm not too keen on but i can usually deal with. I'm a very very social person, got lots of things planned etc, and lots of work, so i should be pretty busy and not be worrying about things like this.

However, most recently, I absolutely can't stand being in my room on my own, even if i have to do work, I'm still distracting myself. There's been a few problems recently: my nan died, which meant that i spent a lot more time at home surrounded by my family- and i always feel more spiritually whole whilst i'm there anyway. Also had a problem with a housemate recently, which made me feel a bit hounded n not wanting to be in this place.

So despite the fact that i badly need to do work (and i am getting it done, just) I also feel like i really need to surround myself with people. For example, just had a lovely afternoon out with my friends, but as soon as i've got back in and sat down to my work, i'm after more people to talk to etc. n i just feel kind of "bad".

I'm not really sure what im after here. i've got plenty of things planned to do and plenty of work to be getting on with... i just want to stop the bad "lonely" feeling when im sat in here. Cos i got no reason to be feeling it...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know the feeling. Have the same problem in my little box of a room in halls. Its all well and good watching films/tv/listening to music etc but sometimes it grates on you. Do you have any friends in other rooms you can go to sometimes? Thats the thing I have found to relieve it. Otherwise I just do crazy stuff like jumping on my bed to entertain myself.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, got one upstairs but shes often pretty busy with her boyf n stuff. the problem with this house is its not a freshers house, nor is it people who know each other (there#s only 8 of us in all) so its not really got the friendly atmosphere. normally im fine with dealing with it all, just need a kick at the mo!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, got one upstairs but shes often pretty busy with her boyf n stuff. the problem with this house is its not a freshers house, nor is it people who know each other (there#s only 8 of us in all) so its not really got the friendly atmosphere. normally im fine with dealing with it all, just need a kick at the mo!!

    Yeah mines not particularly friendly either. Each flat is incredibly separate in a block. I hardly see people from the other rooms. Generally only do when the fire alarm goes off then I don't see them again for ages. It is like cell blocks. I just go on walks as well even if its just to the petrol station to buy a chocolate bar.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aye! I'll be alreet next year, im gonna get a house with one of my mates so that'll be better! it's just at the point where its doing my head in atm!

    yeah i get out of the house quite a lot, just doesnt help with my procrastination cos i'm also quite bad at that!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not sure if this is valid advice, but i find i feel better going into uni and doing work in the computer cluster..for some strange reason i feel less lonely and find there are less distractions.
    Not that ive been good at implimenting it myself recently though..!!
    Sitting here just makes me waste time and long for company...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    problem is the work im doing at the mo i cant do on the computer- the bane of languages!!

    but yep, that's the same, longing for company even though im socially incredibly active!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Will just have to focus on the following year when you move out, something to look forward to. Thats what I am trying to do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tbh, I'm comfortable by myself and around people and you can still feel lonely in a room with 30 individuals.

    Maybe people are a distraction from things that are bugging you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, being around people is certainly distracting me, i'm normally comfortable both ways. the main thing is that i want to be at home and obviously can't be- as a family we're quite close so nanny's death was quite a shock and has hit us all hard.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sometimes the most popular ones feel the lonliest. Even if you're constantly surrounded by lovely people, it can still be there. I think there's a reason for your loneliness, were you close to your nan?

    Other than that, I'm not any great help, being a victim myself. As it's affecting your work, if it gets too serious, you might want to consider seeing a professional. I know the feeling, it sucks majorly, when you're sitting there and you can feel that lancinating sensation, as if your stomach is a host for vicious butterflies.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    We should have met up when I was in Leeds...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I prop my door open with a wedge, and that feels less shut away than when I have it closed, even if I'm still on my own and there's no-one else around.

    I'm like nelly_bar, sometimes prefer to work in the library just because it doesn't feel so alone. Even though it's not like I talk to anyone there, it's somehow nice to be surrounded by other people all working away like me. I don't know what your library is like, but surely there are tables or desks or something you could work at? It also helps with procrastination because there aren't any distractions!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    were u in leeds for an ultimate game last weekend? i was in the gym sports centre thinking ooh wonder if fiend is doing this!

    i love having my door open but unfortunately i have a pain of a housemate who despite the fact that if i stand outside the door i cant hear my tv, claims that im too noisy etc etc.

    yeah i do like going to the library, just cant get into it-- ill have to try it though!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah... In my new flat things ae better, tho one flatmate does seem down a fair bit and we never see her because her bf near enough lives here.

    My other flatmate is awesome (they both are) and very sociable... So she comes down and goes on my laptop or we listen to music. It's good because I'm a pretty social person, I mean I'll talk to most people and love company.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    were u in leeds for an ultimate game last weekend? i was in the gym sports centre thinking ooh wonder if fiend is doing this!

    i love having my door open but unfortunately i have a pain of a housemate who despite the fact that if i stand outside the door i cant hear my tv, claims that im too noisy etc etc.

    yeah i do like going to the library, just cant get into it-- ill have to try it though!
    I was, you should have come by
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, but it doesnt sound like loneliness is the main issue, you say yourself that you are socialy active. It seems that your nans death is the issue, and that's why you dont like to be alone, just being with people all the time isnt really going to help with that.
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