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Ex/Friend lying to you! (RANT)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, so here is the situation, my closest friend who i trusted no matter what is a girl who is also my Ex. Now, when we broke up, she ended it because she wasn't in love with me in that way and after a while, she only loved me as a friend and living a distance apart made it difficult anyway. I was happy just being friends after a while by the way, i dealt with it and got used to us just being friends.

So, this weekend her parents were going away to visit her brother and sister who moved away and leaving her alone, so she invited me up to see her as she was having a party at her house with her friends. We hadn't seen each other since before xmas and her birthday is coming up so i figured, cool idea, kill two birds with one stone as it was perfect time to give her the xmas and birthday presents i got her.

Then on Thursday, just as i bought her birthday present she tells me her mum isn't going away anymore so, there is no party and there is no point driving up in the morning only to have to drive back a few hours later. So i thought fair play, no worries, see you in a few weeks after your birthday like we planned, she said cool, no worries.

Then this morning i am on internet and a friend of hers that i know mentions what a wicked time she had hanging out at her house. So i asked my best friend about it (already having worked out the truth) and she basically told me that she lied to me. Her parents did both go away, she didnt go to her friends house but had them all over at hers like planned and it was a wicked time and she lied to me because she didnt want to disappoint me by telling me she didnt want to see me incase it led to her falling for me again, and she didnt want to fall for me again or get back together.

The fact she was worried about her feelings for me and maybe even my feelings for her doesnt bother me, its the fact she lied. Like i even txted her on the night to try and give her some one to talk to, because she made out she was stuck with her mum and it just made me feel like a total idiot. Especially when she rang me at night, late on drunk to tell me what a good time she had over at her friends house, no party just a small gathering, how she got some birthday presents off her friends and she kept slipping up like talking about her parents in plural not singular implying they were together.

I just don't get why she had to lie instead of be straight and say she was worried if we saw each other again, we would end up back together. Because i feel so much more hurt about her blatently lying to me and then keeping this lie up and trying to keep it sounding real to "spare my feelings".


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lol mate she just didn't want you there, forgot all this trying to spare your feelings shit. Take the hint is what shes trying to say.

    Just move on. Being best mates with your ex is usually not a good idea.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well, it was real bullshit to lie. if shes gunna lie, shes obviously not for you. and theres two sides to the "spare your feelings" thing. it really could be the truth, and she didnt anticipate you finding out. or, that can be a lie too, just to protect herself.

    my advice, dont worry about it. it sucks that she lied, but people lie. just dont waste your life talking to her if she isnt gunna be staright up and honest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't judge her on what she tells you but more on her actions. She's given you some nice excuse for not inviting you along, but like LucyMay said she didn't want you being there.

    In my experience, if she was excited about seeing you then she would have invited you along. Maybe there is another reason like she doesn't want her friends thinking you are together or spoiling her chances with another bloke.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She doesn't seem to genuinely care about you anymore, why would you care about her? She clearly doesn't give a crap, give her what she deserves and leave her be, for she doesn't deserve your attention. She would have been honest otherwise.

    Know how you feel though ...
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hi Bullseye,

    It's completely understandable that you would feel hurt that your ex lied to you, especially since you have been so close in the past.

    It sounds like she's using actions to communicate, rather than having the courage to be open and honest with you about how she feels, and although she's opened up a bit when she admitted the lie, it doesn't sound like she has really explained where she wants things to go. The problem is that she might not even really know herself and is just hoping the situation will disappear.

    So at this point, I think you have two main options (although there are bound to be several others) firstly you could be as open as you can be about how you feel to try and encourage her to be completely honest about what kind of friendship, if any, she wants with you. Secondly, you could do your best to make a clean break (although I know it's easier said than done!), explain that you feel you deserve better (which you do) and don't go to any effort to contact her.

    You might find the following to articles on friendship with exes useful:

    Staying friends

    Mates with your ex

    Take care :)
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