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inviting yourself to a party.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Is it acceptible, or shall i just leave it because if they wanted me there they would have invited me?

I feel totally forgotton about right now.

Im back at my family home for another week post-chrismas, all the friends that ive known since i was really young, live here. I always keep in touch with them when im away and i always remember their birthdays.

Yet when i come back, i never get invited to their nights out. When i last saw them i told them that i will be totally bored over the next couple of weeks and to let me know whenever they're out. But so far i havent heard anything when i know very well they've been going out.

Theres a houseparty tonight, and another on NYE. I ask them if they are going to be out this weekend to meet up and they just say no. Why not tell me about/invite me to the party?!

I arranged a christmas meal last week, and they all came and we had a great time. If they didnt like me they wouldnt have come, and they certainly wouldnt have bought me christmas and birthday presents! so i dont get why they aren't inviting me to anything :(

Im not happy about the idea of inviting myself to the NYE party, but i really want to see all my friends and not stay in.

Would it be wrong for me to ask if i can go? Or shall i just leave it and accept that they are crap, and be thankful i moved away in the first place?

:(
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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Give one of them you know well a ring and ask what they are up to... then hopefully they will say and invite you round...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tried that.

    I asked a couple of them what they are doing this weekend and they told me about the houseparties tonight and friday. That was all they said. No "oh would you like to join", just a clear statement of what they are doing :(

    I dont get what i did wrong. Could it be because i moved away and they've all moved on without me? If so then why do they agree to do things when i ask, and why buy me expensive presents on my birthday!

    Im so confused. And i feel completely left out, like an outsider. Ive known them all since i was 5 and under.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If you have known them that long, surely you can just ask them outright?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah I would just ask them because it's better then carrying on feeling shit and like your friends are dumping you when it could just be mixed signels. I doubt they even realise they are doing it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Rachael wrote:
    Yeah I would just ask them because it's better then carrying on feeling shit and like your friends are dumping you when it could just be mixed signels. I doubt they even realise they are doing it.

    Yeh i guess so. It just feels so wrong that i should have to ask when i should have been invited in the first place.

    At least i'll know where i stand if i ask, and i'll be leaving again in a week anyway so if they get arsey with me i can just say fuck them and make new friends elsewhere!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    did they ask where you are going?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote:
    did they ask where you are going?

    Nope!

    I even tried to hint by saying im really bored in the evenings at home with my family!

    Cant understant it to be hoenst.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blah wrote:
    Nope!

    I even tried to hint by saying im really bored in the evenings at home with my family!

    Cant understant it to be hoenst.
    what happened last NY?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote:
    what happened last NY?

    They had the same party. I wasnt invited and did something with one of my other friends not of the same friendship group. Who's not around any more.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i may be totally on the wrong line of thinking here... but maybe they don't want to invite you to their parties because they think you won't have a good time.. maybe they do drugs or something?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is it you actual friends' party or have they all been invited? They may think it rude to invite someone to someone else's party.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In response to lipsy- none of my friends from home do drugs

    Vicky- the party is at the house of a friend ive known since i was 5. She was my best friend for about 10 years then we grew apart a little when i went to college and uni but we're still good friends and socialise on the rare occasion that i get invited for things.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wellit looks like we've exhausted most things.....the last thing, do they think you are boring? I'd suggest asking ASAP. Bit late now, everyone's probably out and pissed. Do it tomorrow.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think they think i am boring, they have no reason too. Im always up for doing things and having fun with them. They always talk to me and have a laugh.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeh i think the same as vicky.. you need to talk to them about it. they probably don't think you want to go for whatever reason. we have a friend who just seems to prefer to sit at home and i certainly wont invite her out to anything anymore because she won't drink or have fun and it brings everyone down.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Blah wrote:

    I dont get what i did wrong. Could it be because i moved away and they've all moved on without me? If so then why do they agree to do things when i ask, and why buy me expensive presents on my birthday!

    Do they buy you expensive gifts for your birthday on their own accord, or do they buy the gifts after being invited to a party by you?

    Seems strange that they wouldn't invite you. When you're on the phone do they not like ask you what you're going to be doing, after you've asked them? Everytime I ask someone what they're doing for NYE they'll always ask me what I'm doing back. Surely if they asked that, you could say you haven't received any offers and don't know what to do. And if they want you to come, they should almost definitely ask you, no?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well i dont see how they would get the impression that i would prefer to sit at home, im always trying to organise stuff for everyone to do, always asking if people are free to meet up, i have fun when i go out, and i even asked one of my friends to let me know when they're out and i'll join. They know that i get bored staying in, too.

    So i doubt its that they think im boring or would prefer to stay in.

    The reasoning behind it all is beyond me. Maybe they just dont like me? Surely they would have invited me if they did. But then surely if they didnt like me they wouldnt be pleased to see me when we meet up, they wouldnt bother with presents and stuff, and they'd make excuses when i invite them to do stuff.

    *shrug* i dont get it.

    Shall i just ask if i can go to the NYE party? Or shall i take all this as some huge confusing hint, not bother and stay in by myself with a packet of crisps in front of the tv :impissed:

    It makes me think that maybe they dont want me socialising with them when im home, because i dont live here full time. I can only be a part time friend in person, but im always at the end of the phone/email/msn/txt message. Could that be it?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Addict wrote:
    Do they buy you expensive gifts for your birthday on their own accord, or do they buy the gifts after being invited to a party by you?

    no because they gave me gifts before i had invited them to the christmas meal, and before i had given them presents myself. eta: they even send me birthday cards to my "away" address.

    And no they never return the question when i ask what they're doing. I thought that maybe they just get into the habit of not inviting me because im rarely here, so i hinted that i have nothing to do for NYE and i still didnt get invited.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd just outright ask if you can come to the party. The only way you'll know. If they say no, ask why. Be prepared for the answer though, you may not like it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    VinylVicky wrote:
    I'd just outright ask if you can come to the party. The only way you'll know. If they say no, ask why. Be prepared for the answer though, you may not like it.

    Yeh i guess so. Theres got to be some reason behind it hasnt there. And maybe I can put them right if they have some problem with me, because ive done nothing but make an effort to keep in contact and be a good friend to all of them.

    And if they're just being like it for no reason then i will just have to accept that i dont have real friends here and move on. I dont *have* to stay in contact with them now ive moved away.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, you might have to bite the bullet and just ask but do it in a round about kind of way. Just say you wouldn't mind spending new years with them, as you don't get to see them that much etc etc. If you get a bad response then you know where you stand.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Addict wrote:
    Yeah, you might have to bite the bullet and just ask but do it in a round about kind of way. Just say you wouldn't mind spending new years with them, as you don't get to see them that much etc etc. If you get a bad response then you know where you stand.

    :yes: thanks for all your help everyone. I'll ask tomorrow and i'll let you know what happens! im scared :nervous:, nobody should have to invite themselves to a party.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    good luck and let us know:thumb:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you got a friend who can ask the host/ess 'is blah coming (dont know your real name) and they can say yes or no and they can say well do you mind if she comes. Then it don't look like you're inviting yourself.

    To be honest you've been mates with this girl until you went to uni and they buy you presents - seems a bit weird that they didn't invite you, especially when you asked. I'd want to know what was going on and just ask why I wasn't invited if it was me
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think addict's is the best way of finding out where you stand.

    Do you have a good time when you do go out, or do they all talk amongst themselves and leave you sat to one side? To be honest if people don't invite you it is usually because a) they forget or b) they don't really want you there, and either way its not a good sign.

    Personally I'd hate to go to a party where you've had to invite yourself and that its quite clear that you're only there because they didn't know how to say no. But on NYE it is marginally better than staying at home with the parents watching Jools Holland and eating a catering sized pack of Twiglets.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    I think addict's is the best way of finding out where you stand.

    Do you have a good time when you do go out, or do they all talk amongst themselves and leave you sat to one side? To be honest if people don't invite you it is usually because a) they forget or b) they don't really want you there, and either way its not a good sign.

    Personally I'd hate to go to a party where you've had to invite yourself and that its quite clear that you're only there because they didn't know how to say no. But on NYE it is marginally better than staying at home with the parents watching Jools Holland and eating a catering sized pack of Twiglets.

    :lol: even my parents will be out! If i stay home i will be alone in front of the tv then to bed. How depressing.

    I agree, in a way i dont want to ask, because i cant see them saying no, and then i would feel uncomfortable all evening and feel like i shouldnt be there.

    I want to be there because they want me to be there, not because i invited myself, thats just horrible.

    To answer your question, yeh i have a great time with them when we do go out. They never ignore me and always involve me in stuff. Which is why it makes no sense, when you dont want somebody there you dont make an effort with them and have a good time!

    Im torn about what to do. I might ask to see what they say, to see if i can find out why i was not invited in the first place. But if they say i can go then im not going to, its not very nice, asking for permission to see my friends.

    Im beginning to think that the reason they didnt invite me is because they have something against me, something to do with going to college then uni then starting a life elsewhere. All the friends im talking about didnt go to uni, they all went straight into work after school. Maybe they have something against me for that. I just wish i knew. If that was the case then i doubt they would be so friendly with me. They're really good friends to me when i do see them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Talk to them as others have said. I kind of did the neglecting my friends thing for pretty much the first year of my current relationship so when i started going back out i didnt really get invited to much. i stayed good mates with a couple of people the whole time so they always invited me places and when i was there all my other friends seemed to enjoy my company. I think people just get so used to you not going out that they dont bother to ring you anymore. Thats what happened with me and yes it sucks, not a great deal you can do about it really though - people become set in their ways pretty easy.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    icey wrote:
    Talk to them as others have said. I kind of did the neglecting my friends thing for pretty much the first year of my current relationship so when i started going back out i didnt really get invited to much. i stayed good mates with a couple of people the whole time so they always invited me places and when i was there all my other friends seemed to enjoy my company. I think people just get so used to you not going out that they dont bother to ring you anymore. Thats what happened with me and yes it sucks, not a great deal you can do about it really though - people become set in their ways pretty easy.

    Too right people get set in their ways. They are like a bunch of old pensioners at times. Like they do the same thing every weekend with the same people in the same pub, same drinks and same seats! you get my drift. But its nice to spend time with them still and i enjoy having a chat with them even if its not a very exciting evening.

    I would completely understand not getting invited if i had neglected them at some point. But i havent. Ive always returned home every few weeks to catch up with them, and ive always written to them and kept in touch in one way or another, as i said i always remember their birthdays etc.

    Maybe they're just so used to not seeing me that they dont think. But if that was the case i would have reminded them when i said i have nothing to do on NYE.

    *Shrug* im so confused :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    kangoo wrote:
    To be honest you've been mates with this girl until you went to uni and they buy you presents - seems a bit weird that they didn't invite you, especially when you asked. I'd want to know what was going on and just ask why I wasn't invited if it was me

    ITA. It's obviously something that's bothering you a lot (and rightly so I think!) and if it were me, I'd ask straight out what was going on and why they weren't inviting me to things when I'd tried to hint I wanted to be invited. I'm not so sure trying to invite yourself to the party is a good idea because even if they say yes you're not going to know if they really mean it or if they just didn't want to say no. And it's not solving the problem for the future either - you don't want to set a trend where they assume you'll ask if you want to be invited anywhere.
    Blah wrote:
    But if they say i can go then im not going to

    This also doesn't strike me as a great idea - could end up with them continuing not to invite you places "because you didn't bother coming to New Year's". Obviously that's not why you wouldn't turn up, but it could end up getting twisted that way.

    Maybe your friends don't realise what you're thinking. It doesn't make much sense but I think the best thing you can do in this situation is lay all your cards out and tell them straight out how you're feeling. If you know for sure that they know, you can trust their reaction, but if you do it in a roundabout way you're still going to have that little bit of doubt in the back of your mind. If they know how you feel and don't make an effort to invite you places next time you're home, you've got the answer that you're better off moving on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thats a whole lot of new sense you've brought to me!

    Aargh everyone has offered good advice, but from different perspectives and i dont know which to go with.

    I shouldnt have to be in this situation in the first place.
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