Politeness.

Former Member

Having been brought up to say please and thank you. i usually do. If someone has been a little extra helpful to me then i'll say something like 'Thank You for you help today', and this is usually met by a stunned silence from the person, usually sales asistant.

I'll give you an example. We went to Sainsburys' the other day, at the till i had a bit of a panicky attack thing so Leigh sat down with me to calm me down, while the woman on the checkout scanned our stuff and another two women packed it for us. Leigh paid and i said to these three women, 'Thank you for you help today, it was really kind of you and i hope you all have a nice Christmas.'

All 3 stood there gobsmacked as i've i'd just called them all sluts !

Do we live in such a crappy society, where people expect no thanks, or even abuse for being helpful ( like you do on here sometimes :rolleyes: ), that when you earnestly give someone your thanks and best wishes it surprises them ?

Former Member

Manners were something Ihave been brought up with. I automatically use them but it is shocking how many people don't. Usually strangers.
I hate it if you stand and hold a door for someone when you could have gone and they don't say thanks. I usually shout "thanks!" in a loud voice and they scuttle off muttering.
Same for people jumping bus queues, if they needed to get on the bus quicker and asked if they could jump, I'd say yes. But when people take liberties I usually have to say something.
I like wandering around busy areas stoned, as then I couldn't care less if people say please or thanks. I always say it though. I even say sorry if someone bumps into me!

Former Member

I've always been polite to people, especially shop assistants. I used to work for the Co-Op Food store during my student days and trust me i had my fair share of very rude customers. I can see it from their point of view, they may have been shocked, but i bet it made their day!

Former Member

Sentiment's mutual. Not many, albeit a few, really have a genuine inclination to be polite. Nobody cares anymore.

I wanna live in a picturesque village in Switzerland, where you, on the way to the bakery, meet and greet loads of people. Here? It's like we're living in depressed city live.

Former Member

Generally if I'm shopping or something, the person on the counter and I start chatting anyway, so they're not surprised if I say thank you for something.
I'd say I get the most surprise from people if they are mothers needing help up the stairs with their buggies. Probably because they wouldn't expect to see someone like me (aka short, weak-looking) wanting to help

My boyfriend always offers to help people with their luggage, he gets the, "What a well bought up young man!" spiel. I'd be proud of it, but he gets his kicks out of farting on me, so I can't share their happiness, especially when he's grinning like a cheshire cat at me.

I generally don't get much thanks at work, but I don't really expect it to be honest. If I do, or get a thank you card or something, it's very nice to have.

Bunnie

I know what you mean...when i used to work, you were greeted with the hugest amount of arrogance. People just seem to be rude in general round my way.

In fact, what rattles my cage the most is when you drive down the road, and you let someone out, and you get no thanks at all. i didnt have to let you out you big tosser, i was just being nice. it takes thirty seconds to wave, pop your hazards on, flash your lights.

I now make a huge effort of waving, flashing my lights etc when they were supposed to do it to me. Even today i drove past someone on the motorway, who didnt say thanks, so i gave him the biggest false grin and a thumbs up!! he looked rather bemused mwahahaha!

Former Member

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Former Member

aye i was brought up with good manners and i'd like to think it hasn't completely worn off, i've noticed people are very quick to say sorry (even if they're not really sorry, it's just an instinctive response), but thank you's just not in our vocabulary......then you go somewhere like switzerland and you have to make a conscious effort otherwise you just come across as rude lol, i don't think we're inherently bad mannered it's just the british way....

Former Member

sophia wrote:

So who exactly the rude people are is a bit of a mystery.

The rude folks are too busy slamming doors in peoples faces and kicking puppies to reply to this thread. Although I get what you mean - maybe thesite.org village would be a utopia where everyone is uber polite and old ladies are always helped across the road?

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

and hold a door for someone when you could have gone and they don't say thanks. I usually shout "thanks!" in a loud voice and they scuttle off muttering.

I was moaning about this one time and someone did tell me to shout 'thanks'.

I was brought saying please and thank you - I even say it for small things like being let on the bus by someone all the time. But it does seem that hardly anyone says thanks for anything anymore.

Former Member

sophia wrote:

Interesting that whenever you have conversations about this, it turns out that everyone values politeness and thinks it's important, everyone is polite to everyone they meet and can't understand why everyone else is so rude. So who exactly the rude people are is a bit of a mystery.

Nobody likes violence either, but that doesn't stop certain people being twats on a saturday night. What people say they want, and what they actually do to contribute it are two different things. I think there are a lot of self-centred people who believe that their needs are greater than others, and so they won't wait for them to go through doors or stop to say thank you. I think most people are like this occasionally, but there are some people who don't care who they put out if they get what they want.

Oh, the other thing I was going to say, but pressed post by accident, was that I think language plays a huge part, especially in the whole perception of people being increasingly rude. If I'm having a fairly heated argument with someone and I think they're being a twat, I won't hesitate to tell them to fuck off. Now to an older person, that might come across as extremely aggressive, when in fact the only difference is that the language used is more harsh in comparison than an argument would've been 50 years ago (but probably equally in intent).

Former Member

I've always said please and thankyou and was brought up to do so.

I'm back at college and it's amazing how many looks I get when I say thankyou. A lot of guys will open the door for me, yet the girls usually just let the door go - that's when I'm most likely to shout thankyou in a sarcastic tone.

I always say 'thanks for your help' to sales assistants, because I know how frustrating it is to be one. (Although, most of them nowadays haven't got a clue about what they're meant to be selling, and just say 'sorry, erm, I'm not sure' when they're asked a question grrr.)

I often find it's the older generations not holding doors and saying please and thankyou... :chin:

Former Member

Ilora-Danon wrote:

I often find it's the older generations not holding doors and saying please and thankyou... :chin:

I find this as well. I have to work with children (0-4) 2 days a week and some of the 3 year olds even say please and thank you (they try to get the younger ones to say 'ta') - which is more than what can be said for some of the older generation.

Former Member

I wouldn't agree that young people are more polite than old en masse... not by a long shot, not at all! Anyway why does this have to become a young/old issue, I'd say it was more of a rude cunt/polite cunt issue myself.

I personally am the epitome of politeness and charm at any given time; and especially to people who are rude and impolite themselves as I do truly enjoy blowing smoke up people's shitters.

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

I hate it if you stand and hold a door for someone when you could have gone and they don't say thanks. I usually shout "thanks!" in a loud voice and they scuttle off muttering.

So do I!

I speak to members of the public everyday and I am often really pleased when someone takes the time to thank me for my help, because people rarely do. Even when I go above and beyond what is expected some people can't be bothered to say thank you. If people are nice I don't meet it with stunned silence however, I will usually say "you're very welcome" and wish them a nice day / Christmas if they have done that. I make a point of being nice to sale assistants / call centre staff because they're only doing a job, and one which involves dealing with several million morons!

Former Member

I know it should be about the sentiment, but I much prefer the "and one for yourself" form of thankyou myself.

Former Member

briggi wrote:

I'd say it was more of a rude cunt/polite cunt issue myself.

I personally am the epitome of politeness and charm at any given time; and especially to people who are rude and impolite themselves as I do truly enjoy blowing smoke up people's shitters.

I`d have to agree but are you not neglecting rude dicks/polite dicks ?

(Once a feminist, always a feminist )

Former Member

I used to work behind a sports bar and have never encountered such abuse (I got called a "cu-nt" for asking the boss if a dodgy looking pound coin was really dodgy). I think if you work in the service industry you always have to expect that you'll meet some rude people. However, you also meet some wonderful people...

I think we are so up our own arses about being perfect that we forget we are human and sometimes can be unpleasent. Sometimes we have bad days, sometimes we feel threatened or want to look good in front of others. Other days we can be generous, we can go out of our way to make people smile, we can tell somebody we love them.

I don't mind admitting that I can have a temper too and be a bitch, I'm sure we can all be unpleasent. But maybe we should think of the nice things people do instead. If you hold a door open and expect a "thankyou" then is it even a selfless act?

Former Member

"If you're going to kill a man, it doesn't hurt to be polite." Winston Churchill

Former Member

This is one of my pet hates, thanks costs nothing. Working in a supermarket you meet the most rude arrogant people there are to meet.
Wheres the harm in just saying hi and thanks. Or even just replying yes please or no thanks when i ask if you would like help with your packing. To those rude tossers, piss off and do it yourself then!

Indrid Cold

I try to be polite all the time, though sometimes I forget to actually... But usually "thank you" and "sorry" come automatically. "Please" isn't generally told here as often as there.

But the point I have to make about "Thanks" is this: When someone does something that they're required to do, they don't deserve thanks IMHO. Thanking is for when someone does something that they don't have to do but they do it anyway because it helps someone else.
An example: It's the job of a bus driver to let people in and out at bus stops. You can thank the driver for letting you in or out, but you don't have to because it's his/her job.
But say that you missed your stop because you were distracted, and the next one is too far, so you ask the driver to let you out at a point where there's no stop. Supposing the driver does that, (s)he deserves thanks. But if (s)he doesn't, you can't be mad at them either.

So, sorry, but I don't think a till worker deserves thanks just for letting you pay for the things you want to buy, nor a bartender for giving you drinks. Thanks should be welcome of course, and I always try to say it, but in case I didn't I'd consider it very rude of the other person to think of me as rude.

And about the original post: For the good of me I can't imagine why being thanked would leave anyone surprised.

Former Member

Being polite is all puppies and flowers, but think about it. Being polite is not about eliciting response or making yourself feel better. Being polite shouldn't come with a premise that you will always generate a friendly or any response. Just because someone doesn't say thanks or whatever, it doesn't put less value on what you've done. You should feel good about being yourself and knowing that you were polite and that should be enough.

Talking about politeness, the worst thing I see every day on the tube is when a mum is with a buggy and has to go up the stairs, ten or so people pass her before someone offers to help with the buggy. And I have to say that 8 out of 10 times it's women that offer to help, and not the men.
Shameful!

Former Member

Indrid Cold wrote:

So, sorry, but I don't think a till worker deserves thanks just for letting you pay for the things you want to buy

Oh i totally agree with you, some of the people at my work don't deserve a thanks.
I however am always polite and friendly and expect at least a responce when i talk to them.

Former Member

Most people are polite some of the time and most people are rude some of the time.

Normally i'm the epitome of politeness (oi, no laughing at the back) but when the bank rang me up to harrass me (the useless cunts have lost my credit card payment) I'd told him he was a fucking cunt and a waste of oxygen. *shrug*

Former Member

I always thank the bus driver, I know it's their job, but so is my hairdresser and I thank her.

Think it's a regional thing, most people here say thank you when they get off the bus.

Former Member

I always used to, but they're all sour pricks on my route so I don't bother, except with the lovely Asian man who is always polite and helpful and on time.

Former Member

PussyKatty wrote:

Think it's a regional thing, most people here say thank you when they get off the bus.

Yeah, I noticed that when I lived in Birmingham, loads of people say thank you when they get off the bus

Former Member

Tweety wrote:

Oh i totally agree with you, some of the people at my work don't deserve a thanks.
I however am always polite and friendly and expect at least a responce when i talk to them.

Exactly. I don't mind if customers don't say thank you to me, it's when I get customers that just walk over, throw a GiftCard at me, and then shove their card in the card reader before I've even done the sale. I *nicely, I think anyway* ask them how much do they want on the giftcard, I get looked at as though I'm stupid and they say "£10 of course". I ask if they have a Boots card - 9 times out of 10 if they havent they just don't look me in the eye and wont say anything. Or they look at me as though I'm mad and say "No!" really astounded.

I think customers get a bit less patient at Christmas as well though.Fair enough.

I did however have one lad asking me about a foot spa. I answered his questions and once I'd finished scanning it for him and he'd paid he said "You have a good Christmas now, you hear? Don't work too hard, have fun!" Was really nice, he didn't have to,but it made my day

Former Member

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Former Member

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Former Member

sophia wrote:

if the responses to this thread are anything to go by :razz:

:chin:

I have my days, but I'm never outright rude tbh. However, I am brusque when it's necessary and that could very well be interpreted in many ways, and I usually have a founded reason behind being angry at people.

Note: usually. :rolleyes: