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Domestic abuse.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Sorry if this isn't meant for this forum but, a few nights ago my aunt's husband beat her up in their kitchen, knocked her head against the stove several times, kicked her, strangled her, dragged her into a room, locked the room and took her car keys. They've been married for just over a year and their relationship has always been rocky. My aunt had to break the window with her hands and run out, at about 1 in the morning. She had to run for a further 5 hours as they live on a farm in Wiltshire in the middle of nowhere and her closest friend lived 3 hours away. Noone else was at the house at the time but my aunt did go to the doctors the next day, had a some stitches and told she had trauma to her jaw. What sort of a punishment will her husband get, if at all, if she does report the case to the police?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She doesn't have to be the one who reports it to the police- you could do it, and the police have to investigate and prosecute if they deem there's a case, even if she refuses to press charges.

    The punishment he receives will depend on many factors, least of all what her testimony is and whether she actually dares go to court against him. Assuming she presses charges, and assuming that she testifies against him that he did all this, I would expect the husband to receive a significant custodial sentence.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just to add, there are many areas of support you and your aunt can use if you are too scared to initially go straight to the police.

    The BBC lists many contact numbers and websites here.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There are many ways that this can be dealt with, nicx provided a good list!

    Convince her to talk to the police about it , with investigation he can be dealt with, if she doesnt want to say anything because shes worried, go with her OR tell them yourself, she will be kept safe and her husband will be investigated
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck it, give me his address and I'll pop round for a "chat"...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fuck it, give me his address and I'll pop round for a "chat"...

    I don't really advocate violence, but can i come ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can I come too? I'll hold your coat if you won't let me "talk"
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I want to go there too and give him a piece of my mind but he lives about 3 hours away in the middle of nowhere. My aunt's gone to Spain for a break and I don't really want to make a police report on her behalf in case that's not what she wants. I think apart from thinking about what he's capable off, my aunt is also a bit worried on losing out. She's been paying his monthly mortgage, she bought him his daughter's car, he kicked her children (my cousins) out of 'his' house although I say its my aunt's considering she's been paying for the mortgage. He's the prickest of the prick, the weirdest of the weird; my aunt has caught him several times half naked lying with his daughter on her bed, she is 18 yeards old. Apparently, according to his mum, everything a daughter wants to do with another boy she must do on her father first:no: Thanks for all the comments anyway, I'm going to try and persuade my aunt into bringing the prick to justice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so she is justfying stayin in an abusive relationship with someone who possibly sexual assaults his own daughter and threw HER OWN children out, because she will "lose out"? or is there another reason?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    crystalx2 wrote:
    I don't really want to make a police report on her behalf in case that's not what she wants..

    whether it's what she wants or not, if she decides against reporting it to the police, you really should, even against her will. I'm sure she would thank you for it later.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Replicant wrote:
    whether it's what she wants or not, if she decides against reporting it to the police, you really should, even against her will. I'm sure she would thank you for it later.

    :yes: But this could be seen as interfering.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sofie wrote:
    :yes: But this could be seen as interfering.
    i`d be willing to take the risk of being called an interfering witch though in all honesty!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote:
    i`d be willing to take the risk of being called an interfering witch though in all honesty!


    that's what I had assumed :yes:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote:
    so she is justfying stayin in an abusive relationship with someone who possibly sexual assaults his own daughter and threw HER OWN children out, because she will "lose out"? or is there another reason?

    Well, that's the way she sees it. In the space of 1 1/2 - 2 years she's spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on him and while most people might believe that they'd much rather the justice than the money, I guess she just doesn't see it that way. Its all very complicated, it was her 4th marriage, her relationship with her chlidren is rather shitty (when she had cancer they said 'whatever. everyone gets that'), its all long winded. I just wanted to know if there was a case in what her 'husband' did to her, to help convince her.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    crystalx2 wrote:
    Well, that's the way she sees it. In the space of 1 1/2 - 2 years she's spent hundreds of thousands of pounds on him and while most people might believe that they'd much rather the justice than the money, I guess she just doesn't see it that way. Its all very complicated, it was her 4th marriage, her relationship with her chlidren is rather shitty (when she had cancer they said 'whatever. everyone gets that'), its all long winded. I just wanted to know if there was a case in what her 'husband' did to her, to help convince her.
    well i`m sorry but the sympathy i had for her has gone, harsh i know, i understand that it`s one of those where you cant say how you`d react until you`re in that situation BUT...

    if her reasons for staying were fear, insecurity etc i could understand, but to put up with that kind of life for the sake of money is awful

    dont get me wrong, there is no excuse for what he did, but how she can put money before her safety/life is beyond me

    and of course there will be a case against him, he physically assaulted her, but whats the point if she is gonna stay? it`ll achieve nothing
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote:
    dont get me wrong, there is no exuse foe what he did, but how she can put money before her safety/life is beyond me

    Sorry I didn't quite put that right I think. My mum and I were talking about what happened a few days ago when I told her how much I wanted/wished my aunt would make a police report. We both don't know why she hasn't made one, and as we haven't really been able to talk her with her being in Spain and not bringing her mobile, the only reason we can think of as to why she may not want to make a report is because of the money she's spent.
  • +Kirsten++Kirsten+ Deactivated Posts: 49 Boards Initiate
    It's difficult to know why your aunt hasn't made a report about this particular incident and the history of violence by her husband, and what might be sexual assaults against her daugher. And her financial security may only be a part of the picture. But, it is quite a typical response among people who suffer abuse in an intimate relationship.

    The BBC link provided before had some great resources. TheSite also has some information about domestic violence. Refuge has some information for family and friends of abused women. And, you can also ring their hotline on 0808 2000 247 for more advice to support your aunt.

    Best wishes.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    just report him, if you tell the police about his daughter then they'll probably do more about it - as it's abuse/incest as well as serious domestic violence.

    You better do it quick while theres still evidence (her injuries).
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