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Am I over reacting?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been going out with this lovely bloke called Chris for a month now, and he's just spent the week in Norfolk and I've missed him a lot. All week we'e had this plan to go out tonight to a party held by an old schoolmate of mine. A lot of the people who bullied me will be there, and I wanted Chris to come with me to basically stop me feeling like shit. Petty, but it was important to me. He knows how important it is to me, and he also knows that i'm going to say happy birthday to the girl in question, say hi to a few people and get out of there asap to go to the pub which is more his (and my) thing.
I was really looking forwards to seeing him and then i get a text today saying "hey, really not feeling the party, will see you tomorrow instead honey. C xx". I now feel really down cos i don't get to see my boyfriend cos i'm working tomorrow, and a bit pissed off. I sent back a text saying "why should i rearrange my weekend around you, exactly?" Maybe i was over reacting, but he knew how important this is to me, and i feel really let down. Am i being utterly ridiculous?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think he should have called you rather than sending a lame text. but i can see both sides of the argument here. and you've only been going out a month. also you shouldnt have sent him an arsey text, hes gona think you're one of them weirdo girls now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah you shouldn't have sent that text back...
    But personally I think what he did was kinda out of order, espescially just by sending some text without really giving a reason...
    Ring him and say you're sorry about what you just sent but explain how important it was for him to come with you
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think he is being selfish, i do not think you are overacting in the slightest

    why didnt he tell u he "wasnt feeling it" when u 1st mentioned it? instead of lettin u down at the last minute?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote:
    i think he is being selfish, i do not think you are overacting in the slightest

    why didnt he tell u he "wasnt feeling it" when u 1st mentioned it? instead of lettin u down at the last minute?
    I don't know, and people letting me down at the last minute really pisses me off. I probably was a bit out of line sending the text, but he knew all this stuff and he knew how much i was looking forwards to seeing him and he still bailed! :banghead:
    I sent him an apology text about sending a snappy text, and got one back saying "it's fine, i'll see you tomorrow, have fun tonight C xx" but it hasn't made me feel any better. Now i don't know where i stand or anything. Grrr, feeling a bit mental.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    xsazx wrote:
    petty excuse
    exactly, he doesnt even give a good excuse for letting you down! and from what you`ve posted, he aint even said sorry!

    i`d be fuming honey x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    was you in a lot of contact with him whilst he was away? do you mostly speak using texts or the phone?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    was you in a lot of contact with him whilst he was away? do you mostly speak using texts or the phone?
    We were in contact a lot over the week, but it's mainly texts, although he always called as he was getting into bed to say goodnight.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think you did over react a bit 'cause he might have something come up that he couldnt come to the party (even though it dosnt sound like it).

    But he shouldnt sent it over a text message (bit childish).

    But to answer your question; yeah i do.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, you are over-reacting.

    And I don't mean to sound awful, but why are you going to this do if you don't like the people there? I have to say that it seems you just want to show off your new bloke to piss your old bullies off. I would be annoyed if I was just being treated as some arm candy to spite old bullies, and I wouldn't really want to go either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    can people who think she is over reacting give a reason why?

    not havin a go

    i`m just curious as to why you think lettin some1 down at the last minute, via text, without a good reason is ok.....and that she shouldnt get mad/sad/annoyed
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    Yeah, you are over-reacting.

    And I don't mean to sound awful, but why are you going to this do if you don't like the people there? I have to say that it seems you just want to show off your new bloke to piss your old bullies off. I would be annoyed if I was just being treated as some arm candy to spite old bullies, and I wouldn't really want to go either.
    I'm going cos the person who's birthday it is is a fairly close mate. I see why you think i was taking him as "arm candy" but it was mainly cos i had to go to the party and wanted to see him as well. He was all for it until i got the text this morning,which is why i'm confused. And he wasnt coming to spite old bullies, he was coming cos he knew i didn't want to walk in and have them have a go at me again, that's all. But yeah, i see your point but that's what i meant, i'm just feeling a bit inarticulate at the mo.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote:
    i`m just curious as to why you think lettin some1 down at the last minute, via text, without a good reason is ok.....and that she shouldnt get mad/sad/annoyed

    The fact that he doesn't want to go is a perfectly valid reason, especially if it looks like he's being taken as either a bodyguard or a bit of arm candy to spite bullies.

    I'm not saying those are the reasons, but it would be very easy to feel that they are.

    I wouldn't want to go somewhere where it was made clear that bullies would have a go at my girlfriend, I would rather go and do something else.

    I can understand why the OP might be narked, but I do think its an over-reaction to feel betrayed.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think shes overreacting because of the text she sent him back. but i do think he was wrong to let her down by text, he should have called.
    they have only been together a month! its hardly any time at all to be expecting that much from him. he might not be ready to meet all her mates yet, especially when there would be bad vibes in the air and shes going to see poeple who dont even like her (or used to). he might just not want to bother with all that coz it does sound a bit ridiculous. i wouldnt go to a party for someone who had bullied me. it just all sounds too much!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    The fact that he doesn't want to go is a perfectly valid reason, especially if it looks like he's being taken as either a bodyguard or a bit of arm candy to spite bullies.
    even though he said he would go, right up till the last minute?

    thats the bit thats gettin me, sure, if as soon as she mentioned it he said "no, i`m not going" but he left it a bit late to tell her IMO

    plus i dont think she was takin him as eye candy, i think it was more for support than anything
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote:
    thats the bit thats gettin me, sure, if as soon as she mentioned it he said "no, i`m not going" but he left it a bit late to tell her IMO
    he probably didnt really want to go in the first place and i dont blame him
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    he probably didnt really want to go in the first place and i dont blame him
    if he didnt wanna go, he should have said shouldnt he? :confused:

    i get pissed off enough if my mates let me down at the last minute, never mind my fella! haha
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Littleali wrote:
    if he didnt wanna go, he should have said shouldnt he? :confused:

    i get pissed off enough if my mates let me down at the last minute, never mind my fella! haha
    yeh but they haven't been going out long so he probably felt pressured and as though he couldn't say he didnt want to go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    yeh but they haven't been going out long so he probably felt pressured and as though he couldn't say he didnt want to go.
    then thats his problem, not hers

    i can see where ur coming from, i just think he`s a bit out of order :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It was the text sent in response that is a bit off; men are often still pretty skittish one month into a relationship and I'm surprised he didn't wet his knickers to be honest!

    But since he didn't then I think you'll just have to accept that he doesn't feel up to going - maybe he's tired from being away and just wants to chill. The only alternative is keeping on about it, which will only make you both feel a lot worse. If you really don't feel confident and comfortable going to the party alone then don't go, it won't be worth it. He isn't avoiding you completely, he's suggested an alternative plan... and while it's shitty to tell you last minute and via text he probably felt bad about his change of heart.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    briggi wrote:
    and while it's shitty to tell you last minute and via text he probably felt bad about his change of heart.
    maybe, but he didnt even apologise, or say why he wasnt feelin the party...

    i think the least he could have done was phone, explain why he didnt wanna go, and apologise for lettin her down last minute

    men eh? lol

    i do agree with the whole move on thing though, if he asks, let him know WHY u sent they reply u did, otherwise, just leave it
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can understand his situation.

    He's going out with a girl for a month, the party seems like an alright idea but as it comes closer he realises what he's doing, he's going to a party with I assume a load of strangers there and he's only there so the bullies don't annoy you, well seems like a pretty shite party to me so he texted you and said he wasn't feeling it. Yeh he should have called you but that's fellas for ya!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not the meeting the mates bit, hes met most of them. Nah, i actually think you're all probably right, having read all the replies. I guess i just felt let down and dealt with it in the wrong way. But thanks for everyone's help. And just to show how bloody much i was overreacting, he just called and apologised to me, and he's taking me out after work tomorrow, so he's not a complete shit :p.
    Thanks for everyone's help and replies.
    A xxx
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