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I suck at sex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Not really. But sometimes I almost get that feeling. I have never made my girlfriend orgasm. The only thing keeping me from feeling completely useless is knowing that she's never had one from anyone.

I like to say I know what I'm doing, because I get all good signals for a very long time. I know plain sex isnt gonna cut it so I do take the time to give her head and its great. She starts grinding herself into my face after 5 or 10minutes, and she really really looks like she's enjoying it, but soon after that she'll make me stop completely and push me away. I also get it when we have sex for a while, and when I finger her. Eventually she says its too much and it feels too strong or something. So I tried going really slowly or softly or whatever, but it doesnt seem to work; it's like she wants no contact at all as soon as she gets to that point.

I've talked to other guys about this and no one has really given me any advice on it at all. I've spent hours and hours trying different things and thinking about it biologically and looking at it from every angle and I just dont know whats going on from my male stance. I know her cumming is entirely possible and it's a matter of me doing something but I'm completely out of ideas and I've lost so much confidence over this and it just seems like its getting worse and worse...

I know this is probably one of the most common questions asked but I've read them all and I'm still lost. If any girls out there know what I'm talking about, or have any suggestions, please help me out :\

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds to me like you are stimulating her too close to the sensitive areas esp when going down on her. Some women can't hack direct contact as the feeling is too much to relax enough to orgasm.
    I think instead of pushing you away she should tell you what she would prefer you did.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    has she ever had an orgasm by herself? because if not that could be the reason why the feelings get too strong and she just pushes you away rather than relaxing. a large majority of a female's orgasm is psychological so if shes thinking its not gona happen, or its too much then it wont happen! she should communicate to you what to do. i bet shes never had an orgasm ever though.
    it took me aaaaages for my first boyfriend to make me cum and he eventually did it through oral but there was a lot of communication needed and for me to be in a good place psychologically and think it was gona happen so it would.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    most girls never get an orgasm from being with a guy, i dono why but i read that somewhere...
    i think you'll just have to ask her what she likes etc. so you know or get her to masturbate infront of you so you sorta know how shes turned on if that makes sense?!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she's never had one from a guy then it seems she finds it difficult to orgasm by penatration alone. I've heard thats common, but thankfully it's never been an issue for me. Try giving her lots of clitoral stimulation before penetration, use either your fingers, tongue or a vibrator to gently stimulate her. It might also be worth trying "cock rings", with the added nub for the lady, studded or ribbed condoms or changing your position. Some women swear by deep penetration positions such as the doggy style or backwards cow boy. Personally i prefrer woman on top as i can control the speed and the friction. Check out a kama sutra and see if you have any luck with any of those positions.

    If she finds it easier to orgasm through masturbation why not ask her to show you how she likes it? Orgasms don't always have to come from penetration you know. Never be afraid to experiment in bed, does she have a vibe you could explore with? If you pay more attention to her clit it will not only improve sex but could even end up with the ultimate goal!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    he hasn't been trying to make her cum through penetration! but through oral sex.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Oops read it wrong, points still stand. Personally i've never come from oral.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just out of interest, is she relatively young/not been doing this for long?

    I found that when I first embarked on all this stuff, it was a year or so before I stopped getting the "too much" feeling and had my first orgasm.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She's been having sex for atleast 3yrs. She's never orgasmed at all. Not by herself, and not with anyone. I've tried pretty much everything you guys have said. It looks like the biggest problem is that she thinks she wont come or whatever. I guess its a good thing that you guys recognize the feeling I was talking about, but I've tried so many things and none of it seems to work. How can i work on her psychologically?

    There's pretty good communication. But whenever she talks to me during it or whatever (or gives me tips beforehand or afterward) it just means she'll get to that too much feeling faster.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I need distraction. So if clit stimuation is getting me off, before I can orgasm I generally need something else going on as distraction when I get near, examples are being bitten or fingered etc.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it took me about 3 years before i had my first orgasm when ever i felt close the feeling was just too strong and intense even now it is sometimes.
    it can be really hard for some girls to relax enough to enjoy an orgasm.
    mayb you should forget about the pressure of making her orgasm shes obviously enjoying it so dont worry itll happen when shes ready.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks sopycookie, I guess I just want to hear some other girls say they know what I'm talking about and that I'm atleast on the right track.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, just carry on how you are. If she is enjoying herself, it doesn't really matter. If it is a big issue for you both, then she will find it more difficult. A watched orgasm never comes :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Right. I think I know how to do it, I'll just stop talking about it and stop fussing. Hopefully it'll come. :)

    Thanks guys.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    um, you are stimulating everything you can right? Like you're using your finger as well? I need two types of stimulation at the same time, otherwise it just doesn't work/feels too much like your girlfriend seems to feel.

    la la la
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It sounds like you could be putting too much pressure on the wrong area. I know when my boyfriend is using his tongue or fingers he can sometimes stray away from the main point and the sensation can be quite painful. I just guide him back to where he needs to be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Without giving away too much detail, most girls can orgasm with not too much difficulty, but there are a fair few who dont as easily as you described. In my experience people will try to classify these as 'not doing it right' but I think it's more to due with the way different people's bodies are wired up....

    ...so anyway, my point is that if you're both enjoying it then there's no problem! I got close with my only girlfriend before, and she wanted to and was really close, but the closer we got the more sensitive she got. She even tried touching herself with me caressing / kissing her gently but it didn't work.

    After that we realised that we were focussing far too much on trying to attain an orgasm when we had a great sex life anyway!

    Good luck matey
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Coccinelle wrote:
    um, you are stimulating everything you can right? Like you're using your finger as well? I need two types of stimulation at the same time, otherwise it just doesn't work/feels too much like your girlfriend seems to feel.

    la la la


    i think maybe you should try this. i know that when my bf is goin down on me and it starts to feel "too much", i ask him to play with my boobs or ask him to do something else as well. it normally feels better then and the feelin of it being too much goes away.
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