Treat Them Mean Keep Them Keen?

Former Member

What does this statement mean whilse going out with someone?

What does it mean?

littlemissy

It just means that you shouldn't shower your partner in attention etc and they will keep coming back to you.

It's a load of bollocks IMHO and don't abide by it at all.

Former Member

Mhhhhmm. If someone tried that with me, they'd soon be getting the boot.

Former Member

Yeah but it apparantly works, dont know how

Former Member

i don't think its something you practice in a relationship. i think its when you first meet someone and you're going out on a date or seeing them.
i think its just when you don't text them first, you don't reply straight away or not at all, you act busy etc. its all game playing.
it kinda works because if i meet a guy and he acts really keen and texts me loads i do find it a bit off-putting. wheras if i have to do some of the chasing i will be more interested. i don't actually want a guy to be mean to me though!

however, if things get more serious and you're actually in a relationship then things should be equal and honest. if i felt like a guy was still playing games then i wouldn't put up with it.

Former Member

lipsy wrote:

i don't think its something you practice in a relationship. i think its when you first meet someone and you're going out on a date or seeing them.
i think its just when you don't text them first, you don't reply straight away or not at all, you act busy etc. its all game playing.
it kinda works because if i meet a guy and he acts really keen and texts me loads i do find it a bit off-putting. wheras if i have to do some of the chasing i will be more interested. i don't actually want a guy to be mean to me though!

however, if things get more serious and you're actually in a relationship then things should be equal and honest. if i felt like a guy was still playing games then i wouldn't put up with it.

Agree completely. It's not a tactic to use in a developed relationship, that'll just cause huge problems and more than likely get you dumped... but it can be used to good effect in the first days and weeks of meeting someone. I'm with lipsy in that a really keen, pandering behaviour in a bloke is a huge turn-off, but then so would being rude and ignoring me. I think there's a fine line between the two that you have to tread.

Also it's worth bearing in mind that treat "them" mean, keep "them" keen isn't a blanket rule to live by, even when you first meet a girl. Generally speaking in terms of relationships there is no "us" and "them". Everyone's different, and the behaviour that would make one girl fall at your feet would possibly make another want to connect her fist with your jaw

Former Member

The main reason behind it, is people only are attracted to other people if they dont understand them, if they become predictable you will lose interest. Think about it, if someone you were going out with called you everyday and told you they missed you at exactly the same time, then when you asked them what they did all day they said, went to work came home and came out to you, every single day, youd very quickly lose interest. If however, your partner remained busy, sometimes didnt talk to you at all in a day, went out with their friends and then hung out with you some other times in a week, you are much more likely to crave their attention. Its pure psychology

Former Member

brad18 wrote:

What does this statement mean whilse going out with someone?

What does it mean?

It means that if you treat women like dirt they'll stick to you like mud.

Former Member

lipsy wrote:

i don't think its something you practice in a relationship. i think its when you first meet someone and you're going out on a date or seeing them.
i think its just when you don't text them first, you don't reply straight away or not at all, you act busy etc. its all game playing.
it kinda works because if i meet a guy and he acts really keen and texts me loads i do find it a bit off-putting. wheras if i have to do some of the chasing i will be more interested. i don't actually want a guy to be mean to me though!

however, if things get more serious and you're actually in a relationship then things should be equal and honest. if i felt like a guy was still playing games then i wouldn't put up with it.

My friend just got married and she reckons the secret behind their marriage is to still keep an air of treat them mean.....obviously not as much as the first stages but still keep each other guessing that tiny bit keeps it alive.
I reckon it's true....if a guy starts doing anything I want, always calls on time, always available etc I get bored, start to take the piss and lose interest and respect.

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

I reckon it's true....if a guy starts doing anything I want, always calls on time, always available etc I get bored, start to take the piss and lose interest and respect.

well yeh you don't want a doormat do you? you want man with his own mind. i'd still want him to call me when he says he wll though and show his real feelings.

Former Member

lipsy wrote:

i don't think its something you practice in a relationship. i think its when you first meet someone and you're going out on a date or seeing them.
i think its just when you don't text them first, you don't reply straight away or not at all, you act busy etc. its all game playing.
it kinda works because if i meet a guy and he acts really keen and texts me loads i do find it a bit off-putting. wheras if i have to do some of the chasing i will be more interested. i don't actually want a guy to be mean to me though!

however, if things get more serious and you're actually in a relationship then things should be equal and honest. if i felt like a guy was still playing games then i wouldn't put up with it.

spot on

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

My friend just got married and she reckons the secret behind their marriage is to still keep an air of treat them mean.....obviously not as much as the first stages but still keep each other guessing that tiny bit keeps it alive.
I reckon it's true....if a guy starts doing anything I want, always calls on time, always available etc I get bored, start to take the piss and lose interest and respect.

Yeah, but surely it's the height of sadness, to pretend to be busy, and deliberately not text back straight away? As always, it's important to actually be too busy to text back straight away, because otherwise it'll come out eventually that you don't have a life. Similarly, in a club, just don't stick to her arm all night. If you see someone you know, start talking to them. If she see's a friend on the way to the bar, don't wait for her to finish talking so you can go together, just go yourself. In other word's, act normally. You go to a club with a friend, you don't hang off their arm like a puppy, so why should a girlfriend be any different?

As for specifically the 'treat them mean' thing, i think it just means don't be afraid to take the piss out of her, or tell her you think her taste in music is shit, or her opinion on something is wrong. It's called being yourself, not being the person you think she want's you to be. It's more treating her normally, than treating her mean.

Former Member

It’s not about pretending so – it’s about still having your own life, not keeping every night free in case that person rings/wants to do something, not jumping to their every whim. Actually being busy and not able to take a call or return at always the time you say etc. Do you see what I mean?
There’s nothing more appealing than someone who is the description of the above. Yes it’s nice to be treated like a princess!! But not all the time!

Former Member

VinylVicky wrote:

It’s not about pretending so – it’s about still having your own life, not keeping every night free in case that person rings/wants to do something, not jumping to their every whim. Actually being busy and not able to take a call or return at always the time you say etc. Do you see what I mean?

Yeah, that's what I said. I'm just thinking though, do you think that the blokes who do act like this around girls they like, or any girlfriend that they actually have, do so because that's how they would like the girl to feel about them, if you get what I mean?

Former Member

brad18 wrote:

What does this statement mean whilse going out with someone?

What does it mean?

It means your girlfriend will love you if you perform a dirty sanchez on her.

Former Member

I'm With Stupid wrote:

Yeah, that's what I said. I'm just thinking though, do you think that the blokes who do act like this around girls they like, or any girlfriend that they actually have, do so because that's how they would like the girl to feel about them, if you get what I mean?

Difficult question, I reckon they would say they wouldn't say it they wanted it but the relationship would be better for it.

Former Member

I'm much more likely to show interest if the guy appears to have a life. Any guy who is showing far too much interest or plays the 'nice guy' card normally puts me off. If somebody agrees with everything I say, that raises all sorts of red flags. I think I'd start abusing a guy like that if he acted like a doormat. It shows a huge lack of confidence.

Of course, mean isn't the same as deliberately hurting me or being spiteful. There has to be respect. Just don't always drop all plans to be with me! I won't repay the favor in kind no matter how well its intended.

Another darker side is the guys who start out nice and still are to family and friends, but end up becoming total bastards towards their gfs and have managed to convince them that it's all their fault. Sadly, my close friend is in a relationship like that which is truly heartbreaking. I don't know who I want to smack harder, her or the bloke.

Former Member

brad18 wrote:

What does this statement mean whilse going out with someone?

"Treat them mean, keep them keen" in this context is the idea that you should keep your new partner a certain distance away when you're getting to know each other. At least that's how I interpret it. Personally, I think it's a nonsensical idea.

Former Member

I do find that people in relationships who spoil their partners often get taken advantage off. Think it should be 50/50. My 2p...

smitherz

TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:

I do find that people in relationships who spoil their partners often get taken advantage off. Think it should be 50/50. My 2p...

I always say that, too many people are materialistic these days

Former Member

TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:

I do find that people in relationships who spoil their partners often get taken advantage off. Think it should be 50/50. My 2p...

Exactly. Don't get me wrong. I'm all in favour of giving a girlfriend a treat every now and then, and looking after her well. But if I felt that I was giving everything out and getting nothing at all in return, I'd be pretty pissed-off.

Former Member

Some people become obsessed with their partner though, and these relationships usually don't work out. I'm thinking love struck boys and girls who buy their partners roses every day and tell them they love them at every possible opportunity. Of course, if it's two way that's sweet, but most often it's normally one way. My theory is that the one doing the excessive giving is scared oflosing the other so feels that if they ply them with enough loving things the other person will stay with them.

Former Member

TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:

Some people become obsessed with their partner though, and these relationships usually don't work out. I'm thinking love struck boys and girls who buy their partners roses every day and tell them they love them at every possible opportunity. Of course, if it's two way that's sweet, but most often it's normally one way. My theory is that the one doing the excessive giving is scared oflosing the other so feels that if they ply them with enough loving things the other person will stay with them.

In that situation, you've got one person giving out loads and loads, which probably indicates they're secretly terrified that other person is going to leave them for someone else. That's no way to go in a relationship. Even I know that.

Former Member

TheShyBoyInTheCorner wrote:

I do find that people in relationships who spoil their partners often get taken advantage off. Think it should be 50/50. My 2p...

Not necessarily. My friend goes out with a bloke. And when they first started going out, he bought her loads of things (he's quite rich). Six months in, he said, "Right, the World Cup's on. I won't be spending much time with you for the next four weeks." I laughed my head off. The definition of treat them mean for me.