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I Don't Know What To Feel

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I experienced that with girls before. I don't want to blame you, I don't know the circumstances, but I had that before that I did not even notice that everything went downhill and when they start to bring it up, it's already too late.

    feels like that here. You said he was caring and affecionate and tried everything to keep you and you just couldn't be bothered anymore.

    There has to be a solution where he changes his attitude/notice there's something wrong when YOU still need/want the rlship.

    sorry for talking out of my ass, but that's on my chest.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote:
    I experienced that with girls before. I don't want to blame you, I don't know the circumstances, but I had that before that I did not even notice that everything went downhill and when they start to bring it up, it's already too late.

    feels like that here. You said he was caring and affecionate and tried everything to keep you and you just couldn't be bothered anymore.

    There has to be a solution where he changes his attitude/notice there's something wrong when YOU still need/want the rlship.

    sorry for talking out of my ass, but that's on my chest.

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote:
    Many times before i had told him how he made me feel and he always tried for a week then went back to his normal ways, it was only when i said i didn't want to be with him a couple of weeks ago that he started to realise what he was losing, and by then i just didn't feel the same anymore.

    I'm missing him like hell, but i couldn't stay with him if i didn't feel the same way anymore.

    yeah, sometimes they need the mallet to the head instead a gently poke. "ok, ok... i will change..." ("jesus, at last she's calm again... let's go back to before."). It's difficult, but I'd done a lot more measures, like split for a week, stay with my rents/friend whatever to let him realize "oh damn, shit's gonna hit the fan."

    If the first time he realizes it's much more serious than expected, is when you break-up FOR GOOD, then it's obviously too late.

    But what do I know... Don't sweat it, of course you are in distress about it now, but maybe in a week or two you feel like a new start or something.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aw its hard isnt it. You know youve done the right thing. You gave it another chance, but you cant fake love. Sometimes the train does just come to the end of the tracks and good relationships end, and it doesnt mean it wasnt good while it was, but that it stopped being that way, and if its not working for both of you, then its not working for either.
    I dont have much advice apart from that, but just wanted to answer because I know its not an easy place to be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aw its hard isnt it. You know youve done the right thing. You gave it another chance, but you cant fake love. Sometimes the train does just come to the end of the tracks and good relationships end, and it doesnt mean it wasnt good while it was, but that it stopped being that way, and if its not working for both of you, then its not working for either.
    I dont have much advice apart from that, but just wanted to answer because I know its not an easy place to be.

    Thank you :) that helped, just need cheering up and to know iv'e made the right choice.
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    squeal wrote:

    I feel i have done the right thing, but i can't stand the fact i have him SO much :crying: is it best to go out and keep busy or what? Iv'e never had to deal with anything like this before.

    Thanks x

    Hey *hugs* Can I just say I think you're really brave. I know this situation has caused you a lot of pain and worry. But things can only get better.

    ... I'm sure I've said this before, but breaking up with someone after you've invested so much is a real shock to the system. I don't think anyone can predict how they'll react until the reality hits you. However, that's not to say the shock doesn't subside and your life starts to take on a new direction. Keeping busy is generally a good idea, as is surrounding yourself with friends and family/people who make you happy.

    I'm sure you've seen/even read these before - but looking at articles when they directly relate to you can lead you to see them in a new light:

    Getting over it

    Overall, it's really important that you be kind to yourself, and try to avoid placing blame. Everyone deals with these things at different rates and there's no set time when you SHOULD/MUST be over it. It's perfectly normal to want to grieve and time will help.

    Take good care ;)

    P.S You may decide that you'd like to speak to someone in confidence about how you're feeling. Supportline: 020 8554 9004.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    **Helen** wrote:
    Hey *hugs* Can I just say I think you're really brave. I know this situation has caused you a lot of pain and worry. But things can only get better.

    ... I'm sure I've said this before, but breaking up with someone after you've invested so much is a real shock to the system. I don't think anyone can predict how they'll react until the reality hits you. However, that's not to say the shock doesn't subside and your life starts to take on a new direction. Keeping busy is generally a good idea, as is surrounding yourself with friends and family/people who make you happy.

    I'm sure you've seen/even read these before - but looking at articles when they directly relate to you can lead you to see them in a new light:

    Getting over it

    Overall, it's really important that you be kind to yourself, and try to avoid placing blame. Everyone deals with these things at different rates and there's no set time when you SHOULD/MUST be over it. It's perfectly normal to want to grieve and time will help.

    Take good care ;)

    P.S You may decide that you'd like to speak to someone in confidence about how you're feeling. Supportline: 020 8554 9004.
    "
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's good that you've got a guy to support you, and it's awesome that he's willing to wait for you. Remember to take your time and not to rush into this... don't want him as a rebound.

    *hugs* Congrats on being so brave :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you astound me

    hours after you and your ex split,you potentially see a new bf and have invited him on holiday with you.

    maybe the reason your relationship failed wasnt just down to your ex.you dont potentially see a guy as a new bf, and invite him on holiday hours after splitting with your ex unless you have thought about it before hand.You must have discussed it with this new guy before hand, otherwise how do you know he will be there for you etc??

    I think you need to take a look at yourself in all this also.Your bf may have acted like a twat at times, but well look whos acting like a twat now..
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    the_one wrote:
    .

    maybe the reason your relationship failed wasnt just down to your ex.you dont potentially see a guy as a new bf, and invite him on holiday hours after splitting with your ex unless you have thought about it before hand.You must have discussed it with this new guy before hand, otherwise how do you know he will be there for you etc??

    I think you need to take a look at yourself in all this also.Your bf may have acted like a twat at times, but well look whos acting like a twat now..

    Oh dear. I'm not sure if you realise how judgemental these statements are. Squeal is not acting like a twat at all and it's very insulting for you to suggest she is.

    When someone is feeling vulnerable because they've bravely decided to end a long term relationship - for the benefit of themselves and their former partner - the last thing needed/or beneficial is for someone to come along and make out they're the bad guy - no one is the bad guy - not all relationships work out for any number of reasons.

    Squeal has not been arrogant in her accounts of what's happened, she's plainly said in other threads that she loved her ex - they just couldn't be together anymore. She also admitted that seeing how well she got on with other guys allowed her to see that she didn't have to stay in an unhappy relationship - again this is something that happens. I'm sure Squeal will tread carefully with this new friend, but at the end of the day, life goes on and we all learn from new experiences.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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