boyfriends and strip clubs

Former Member

I can understand how the OP feels. It is easy to accept that your boyfriend will look at other women; I look at other men but it doesn't mean I love/fancy my boyfriend any less. However the problem with strip clubs is the idea of your boyfriend actually going out of his way to go somewhere and pay someone to rub their bits and pieces in close proximity to him and attempt to turn him on, which is quite different to having a perv over a girl on the street IMO.

I wouldn't care what the stripper was thinking/feeling as I know they don't give a damn and it is just a job, it would be the fact that my boyfriend was actively seeking to have a naked woman with a reasonably nice body (probably nicer than mine) gyrating in his face that would bother me.

It does depend largely on the circumstances though, for eg. if your boyfriend went with a big group of mates as part of a stag night or birthday and didn't pay for any private dances, then it would kind of be more like he had just gone to a bar with his friends where there happens to be strippers, rather than going out with the sole intention of getting his jollies by watching a naked girl dance around. I would just have a chat with him about it and explain how you feel and why you feel that way, and point out that perhaps you wouldn't feel so upset about it if he had actually told you rather than going behind your back and making it look like he has something to hide.

Former Member

swerhs wrote:

y would a man need 2 go to a strip joint to glare at other ladies if he had his own? i dont understand.

why does a man maturbate when having a woman?

It's just like that. It's not a substitute. There have been no feeling involved. I don't see the big fuss

Former Member

I dont have an issue with stripper/pole dancers as I know a couple through friends/work. But I dont like the idea of my boyfriend going to one without me knowing, as long as I knew I would be fine with it, if I found out at a later date I would proabably be quite pissed off. And I have seen male strippers but I just laugh at them, there entertainment there not a turn on for me at all.

Former Member

thanx for everyone's replies. ive calmed down abit, and feel i may be over reacting, but i still feel shit! I found out as we were just chatting+on of his mates went "oh yeah, remember that strip club we went to a while back?".
i know its silly, but im insecure. recently ive been feeling very fat, ugly+stressed+so as a results havnt really felt like doing alot of stuff with him, so the 1st thing that came to mind was that he did it cos i wasnt giving him what he wanted.
its the fact that he lied to me+had a showing thats hurt the most. i mean, it wasnt for a stag do, just one of his mates (who i hate!!) suggested it.

Former Member

Well, some men are arrogant jackasses. And it just so happens that they are the ones getting laid.

The question is, why would one venture to a strip club when one has a girlfriend? It seems to defeat the purpose. Strip clubs are for divorcees and men who have broke up with their lady and are not used to a sexless environment.

Former Member

junker wrote:

Well, some men are arrogant jackasses. And it just so happens that they are the ones getting laid.

The question is, why would one venture to a strip club when one has a girlfriend? It seems to defeat the purpose. Strip clubs are for divorcees and men who have broke up with their lady and are not used to a sexless environment.

a load of bollocks.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote:

a load of bollocks.

How? So if you were a woman, you'd be happy for your boyfriend to go to a strip club? I certainly wouldn't.

Former Member

Sofie wrote:

How? So if you were a woman, you'd be happy for your boyfriend to go to a strip club? I certainly wouldn't.

I would. I'd give mine singles too and tell him to stick them in the girl with the cutest panties he sees for me. Well... I have done that. He better not have chose an ugly one.

I agree with Strubble. Junkers post made me flat out laugh. Lucky him I didn't just take a drink.

Former Member

sugar_mouse wrote:

im insecure. recently ive been feeling very fat, ugly+stressed+so as a results havnt really felt like doing alot of stuff with him, so the 1st thing that came to mind was that he did it cos i wasnt giving him what he wanted.

Which is why I mentioned you own hang-ups earlier. It seemed to me that this was more about you than anything he'd done.

Voyeurism usually has little to do with the relationship you are in - certainly for many men that is the case. It's just a cheap thrill, he knows he's not going to have sex and TBH, if he brings a raging hard-on home and you get the benefit, why worry?

its the fact that he lied to me+had a showing thats hurt the most. i mean, it wasnt for a stag do, just one of his mates (who i hate!!) suggested it.

Ever considered that he lied to you because he didn't want you to feel insecure about it? From his perspective it meant nothing to him, so why should it to you?

Former Member

junker wrote:

Well, some men are arrogant jackasses. And it just so happens that they are the ones getting laid.

The question is, why would one venture to a strip club when one has a girlfriend? It seems to defeat the purpose. Strip clubs are for divorcees and men who have broke up with their lady and are not used to a sexless environment.

We have a vote on here for post of the week. Shame we don't have one for stupid post of the week - this would be a dead cert.

Men go to srtip clubs/watch porn/oggle at FHM/Page 3 etc because they like the pictures/images. It has little to do with their feelings.

Former Member

Suit yourself, but don't go bashing my opinion. I'd rather save my money and not pay to get teased. Perhaps use the time I would waste there to further my progress in something more productive.

Former Member

So do you drink? Wasting money there. Movies. Now thats a waste of money and time. You best not even own a tv. What are you doing on here even? Why aren't you out doing something more productive? I doubt your furthering your mind on here.

Going to a strip club is just another form of entertainment. It costs money, it wastes time, like nearly anything else entertaining.

Former Member

junker wrote:

Perhaps use the time I would waste there to further my progress in something more productive.

Like posting on here?

Former Member

At least it's communication.

I just don't see how paying earned money to sit and get teased is desirable. I'd rather do something beneficial. That's probably just me though.

Former Member

I love how the title of this thread is

"Why don't men care about your feelings?"

I mean, what is that about? Did every single man in the world go to a strip club whilst the OP was on holiday, blatently disregarding how she feels about it?

Argh I hate generalisations. People are stupid

Indrid Cold

I like how when a guy makes a generalisation about women all hell breaks loose, but when the opposite happens it's just a few comments. Of course the only generalisation here is in the title, but still.

Former Member

mist - i have tried to change the title, since i was angry+confused when i posted it. if you look on the subtitle of my very first post ive changed that, but dont know how to change the title! sorry

Indrid Cold

sugar_mouse wrote:

mist - i have tried to change the title, since i was angry+confused when i posted it. if you look on the subtitle of my very first post ive changed that, but dont know how to change the title! sorry

You can't actually do that, sadly. Only the mods can.

Former Member

Who gives a shit about the title really? It's not as if she went on to post a load of crap about how all men are like this or anything, which is what usually get's everyone pissed off.

Former Member

i think the obvious answer to this problem is a poll, as there are SO many opinions on whether it's right or wrong and it seems pretty even each side. id set one up myself except i dont know how( im computer-retarded) and it's not my issue really. but it would be good to see what the outcome is.

**helen**

Indrid Cold wrote:

You can't actually do that, sadly. Only the mods can.

I'll change it to something I think is more appropriate, but just PM me if you're not happy with it Sugar

Former Member

personaly, if the other half went to one i really wouldn't have a problem. It's when people start touching and it becomes more than just a sexual thing that i would have a problem. Men need to have more than one girl giving them attention. it boosts their ego (and before i get lynched, this is in my experiance of some men, not all)

Former Member

sugar_mouse wrote:

:crying: ive just discovered that while i was away on holiday a few months ago my b.f went to a strip club+perved on topless women
im gutted, he knows how shit my confidence is+how i feel about strip clubs. Why do i feel like he's cheated on me? :crying:

Let's approach this from a slightly different angle. OK, your boyfriend's been to see some girls taking off their clothes. Not exactly the best of thing to do in the circumstances. But ask yourself. Imagine if you saw him going to the newsagent, buying a tabloid newspaper and taking a quick peek at the topless woman on Page 3 that day. Would you be upset by that as well?

Former Member

sugar_mouse wrote:

:crying: ive just discovered that while i was away on holiday a few months ago my b.f went to a strip club+perved on topless women
im gutted, he knows how shit my confidence is+how i feel about strip clubs. Why do i feel like he's cheated on me? :crying:

Hey look on the bright side, atleast you wasn't pregnant like I was, when my (ex) boyfriend did that to me!
They tend to have a lack of respect, and obviously don't care about your feelings... :mad:

Former Member

what's with the eyes?

Indrid Cold

xXxXxSarahxXxXx wrote:

what's with the eyes?

Generalisation.

Former Member

ok then... :banghead:

Former Member

girlinthecurl wrote:

Id think that would be even MORE understandable! If youre pregnant youre probably not going around scantily clad.. so he needed a quick visual stimulation. but maybe im insensitive.

I was thinking the same thing actually.

Former Member

yeah maybe he did need some "visual stimulation", doesn't mean he should go out and get some, It's not like you're gonna be pregnant forever! :shocking:

Former Member

I think its a misunderstanding. In some couples its ok. In others its not. But when it comes to the feelings of the woman you love, you should always err on the side of caution.