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young women - it's your world

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it's true that I have healthy relationships

    See this is where opinions (NB not facts, they are opinions, just like yours) come into play, because when you said earlier "it's my way or the highway", you will find that many people here would argue that means that you don't have healthy relationships.
    It seems to me a lot fo the members here are people who have had bad bad relationships and get fucked over by a player(male or female) so they are VERY touchy and still remain in a subservient state which means they act like a wussy because they think it is giving "respect" or it's the "decent thing to do".

    Are you arguing that compromise is subservience? Is it "wussy"? Are you arguing that the male partner should be dominant then?

    When you say "hunter gather" do you really mean that she should stay at home and raise kids whilst he works?
    It's my opinon people need re-educating in the reality of life

    :confused: from you? :lol:
    judging by the amount of people moaning their own are not going to plan it goes to show not all what I preach is "wrong"?

    How long have you been in a relationship the Matt? Weeks? Months?

    After 14 years of marriage (and 20 years of a relationship) I can, with experience, tell you that much of what you preach suggests that you want "control" and your latest comment about feeling insecure just fits the textbook. That isn't a criticism, just an obsevation.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol @ kermit's textbook answers.

    lol @ TS's ignorance as to why those answers would be in a textbook in the first place...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just get the feeling that Matt uses the hunter-gatherer dynamic only when it suits him.

    Using the traditional view, women are not players- they find the strongest man they can, and stick with him. How they make the strongest man like them is where the games are played. The traditional view is that women have one strong partner, as a baby has such a long gestation period, but that men have as many partners as possible in order to ensure their genes go the furthest.

    It is completely and totally illogical to use the traditional view to argue one point, and then in the very next sentence say that the whole traditional view is utter bollocks.
    You are admitting to be a wussy? :O is that your strategy for your marriage?

    :confused:

    I think the fact that you consider having your partner as an equal to be "wussy" says a lot about the type of person you are.

    I also find it quite sad that you think a relationship needs a "strategy", as if your partner is an opponent you need to defeat.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    .
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :eek2: Women are not products.
    Lol. You get what you pay for you know?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You make good points, but you still don't understand the fuller picture of what I say.

    If you're going to pick lots of little points out and put questions marks to them you can't expect me to make a good reply.

    Oh dear.

    The reason that there are lots of questions in my post is because I am trying to get a better understand. perhaps if you answered them, instead of ignoring them, I would understand the "fuller picture".
    I know a lot of people who have been married 20 years+ some men will stay subservient in a marriage for years

    ... and there it is again. What do you mean by subservient?

    Is it subservient to compromise - ie.e I let her opinion take sway on one issue knowing that she will do the same for me on another? It compromise "wussy" in your opinion? Should, as I aksed before, the male partner be the dominant one?
    Divorce rate is terrible you know.

    Not in my house it isn't.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :eek2: Women are not products.

    Shame really. I could at least "trade in" the old, high milage, model I'm using now for a younger one with better "bumpers" :p
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    A realtionship does not need a strategy at all, I never said it did. I find it hard to think you can't comprahend any of this, or are you refusing to aknowladge the obvious.

    I am simply responding to what you say.

    I said I am in a strong and stable relationship with a woman who is my equal, and you start wanking on about being "wussy" and that being my "strategy". And now you start going on about "subservient men" in response to MoK saying pretty much the same thing as I. You also state that in order to "keep the spark" you need to have "more dominance".

    Do you believe that for a relationship to work a man needs to be dominant? If so, why do you believe this?
    If someone said people in England speak English, that does not mean there are no non-english speaking people. See what i'm saying?

    Yoda says nonsensical completely that is.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Very well cut and pasted, but what do you mean by it?

    I know what subservient means, but what do you mean by it? How do you define subservient behaviour? Is compromise and not always being the one who gets their only way subservient in your eyes?

    It's not a criticism, I'm genuinely interested. Why do you mention words like "wussy" when I say my wife is my equal?
    It's in the best interests of the man to be dominant, when a woman has more dominance in a relationship I believe there to be less sexual attraction, hence relationships where men enter the subservient state and lose the "spark".

    So my wife fancies me less because I don't tell her what to do?

    So MoK's wife fancies him less because he doesn't tell her what to do?

    What do you mean by dominance? What do you mean by subservience?
    If you take a half serious look at any love story, you don't see any relationships where the woman is dominant, it is the man who whisks her off her feet.

    But since when have fairytales been real?

    If I started telling my wife where she could and could not go or wear, or who she could or could not be friends with, I'd be getting a decree nisi in the post before you could say "control freak". It doesn't make me a "wussy" or a pushover, much as you seem to think the opposite, and to be quite honest I worry about relationships where one person's feelings take precedence over the other's.

    A marriage is a partnership, its not about playing games and its not about being in control. Sometimes she compromises for me, sometimes I compromise for her, why do you think that's a bad thing?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just explained to you how I define it.

    No, you didn't.

    You said what subservience means, which is something I already know.

    What behaviour does a man show if he is subservient? What behaviour does a man show if he is dominant?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sorry, but that says nothing. Regurgitating some vague nonsense from a website says nothing about what YOU think.

    How does a man put himself in a "position of submission"? How does a man give the woman the option of "humiliating" him? How do you show that you "can't live" without someone? Do my marriage vows count, after all, I did vow to be with her till death do us part.

    Examples of being subservient and, to contrast, examples of being dominant please.

    "Any action, word or omission" is so glib as to be utterly meaningless.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    So are you actually going to answer my questions, or are you going to sit there and try (and fail) to be smart?

    I'm not the one claiming that compromise makes a man sexually unattractive, so obviously my idea of being a doormat is somewhat different to yours. I'd like to know what you consider being "subservient" to mean.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Matt please answer his questions.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ithe reason I am not currently answering such questions is because you have such a limited view

    :lol:
    You're asking me how does a man not enter the subservient state, which is a huge thing, i'm not going to try and explain something I have never explained on such a scale.

    I'm asking a really simple question, what behaviour does a "subservient" man display? How much compromise is there before he is "subservient". Which "actions, words or omissions" mean that he's "subservient", and which ones mean he's dominant.

    Are marriage vows showing subservience- you vow to be with them until death, so obviously you "can't live without them". Is compromising with her showing subservience? Is backing down and sometimes doing what she wants showing subservience? Will all that stop me getting laid?

    Similarly, does being "dominant" mean that what you say goes? Does being dominant mean that you are the big boss man in the family? That dinner's on the table at six o'clock, without fail? Does that mean I'd have to beat women off with sticks?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I still don't understand what you mean.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Basically - don't let yourself get walked all over, make sure you are never become like a belonging of hers.
    or his - it works both ways
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    or his - it works both ways

    Certainly at first, but the masculine/feminine dymanic is such that women naturally are inclined to become submissive when they find (or at least they think they find) the 'right' person. That's undeniable and that heterosexual dymanic can be easily observed being mimiced in homosexual couples as well.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    So my wife fancies me less because I don't tell her what to do?

    So MoK's wife fancies him less because he doesn't tell her what to do?

    I`d fancy you both MORE if you didn`t tell me what to do.:love: :flirt: :heart::love: :flirt: :heart:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Kermit wrote:
    to be quite honest I worry about relationships where one person's feelings take precedence over the other's.

    Do you apply that to ALL relationships ?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I view fidelity as a gift you give to your partner, not something to abide by.

    I disagree with you.


    You say that you do not want to become a posession of "hers", but from what I'm inferring from your posts you seem to want her to be a posession of yours.

    Yes/no?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I view fidelity as a gift you give to your partner, not something to abide by.

    So, marriage vows, which make that promise, are "wussy" then?
    You have a very limited view, dominance can mean leading a situation, taking control of a situation, unafraid to not sacrafice your own views just to appease you partner.

    It scares me that your view of dominace is to be a cave man, make demands and generally be abusive to your partner.

    No, dominance is when you always take control, lead or refuse to sacrifice your views. It is abusive (IMHO) for you not to take someone else's view into consideration and it certainly doesn't lead to a happy or successful relationship - and I'm not just talking about romance here but that would apply in any walk of life.

    When you talk about dominance, we talk about compromise. That is when you forsake your own opinion and let someone else's take sway. From your earlier posts you seem to argue that taking such a stance is in someway "subservient" or "wussy".

    Now the other point I raised, which you avoided, was to ask if you (that is MattLiverpool) believed that it is the man's role to be dominant?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No, I don't believe it is, you obviously have a different view of dominance than I do

    Oh I don't know, I think that the dictionary link to gave is pretty much my take on the word too.
    I also agree it is unhealthy not to take other people's views into consideration.

    ....
    I do take into consideration my partners opinion and how she asked me but in most cases I proceed to do what I want to do as long as there is no harm or danger from it.

    Which pretty much supports what you said earlier about "my way or the highway" - that isn't taking views or compromise it's almost like saying fuck you I do what I want. In my expereince that does not lend itself to a happy relationship.
    It's in my own interest to be dominant

    No it isn't. It's in your interests to make sure that you are both happy. Not that you only really suit yourself.
    I also think it is the mans role to be dominant.

    Why is that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think we've covered the other apsects now, so i'll go past them but...
    It's much harder to question why men are not the dominant role.

    Why? What is so hard about it? Or are you suggesting that it "goes against nature" or something?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You question mans dominant role, are you saying men are a weaker sex?

    It's easy to twist a comment, isn't it.

    No, I made no distinction, I made no statement of which sex I believe should have a dominant role, because I don't think that it works like that.

    I certainly didn't suggest that either sex should be dominant.

    I feel it's in the relationships best interest for the man to take a dominant role

    Why, in what way does it help the relationship?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Do not make suggestions for me then.

    I didn't, I asked a question.

    For women they seem to love the visualization of a strong honourable man on a horse, her knight in shinning armour come to protect her, whisk her away and marry her.

    As in some love storys the wild man who sets her heart on fire, untamed and interesting dominant in his surroundings, attracts the woman who nurses the wounded soldier back to health, and everntually tames him.

    It's no secret, men who fight for what they believe, who are strong and can protect her, aristocratic romantics, all dominant roles in life and also set a girls heart on fire.

    A question to girls - a man, who is really "sweet" comes up to you, you didn't even notice him at first, shy to look you in the eye, calls you beautiful and asks would it be much to ask if he could please have your number, then runs off to his friends to tell them how he got your number, is he anything more than "cute" or "sweet"?

    How much of that is bollocks, how much is about first impressions and how much is about making a relationship work?
    A lot of girls have told me, they love the thought of a real man with strong arms grabbing hold of them in a semi sexually agressive and dominant manner.

    Even in sex, women prefer to be dominated, including my own girlfriend who admitted this directly to me.


    So, in some sense women may want to be dominated. how does that equate to the relationship?

    I'm not getting into specifics on that last point either, I don't think you would get it.
    Also, if you want we can go back to hunter gatherer times where the dominant males ensured the survival of the females and their children so it is in the best interest of the survival of our race at the time for women to be attracted to the most dominant males. We still have those instincts inside us.

    So are you saying that it goes against nature then?
    Tell me a logical situation of female dominance that is attractive to the female.

    Why? I have never claimed anything like that and it's not a view that I agree with. I used the word "compromise". You seem to think that one gender should[i/] be dominant.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even in sex, women prefer to be dominated, including my own girlfriend who admitted this directly to me.
    your girlfriend doesn't speak for the whole female population
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    For women they seem to love the visualization of a strong honourable man on a horse, her knight in shinning armour come to protect her, whisk her away and marry her.

    As in some love storys the wild man who sets her heart on fire, untamed and interesting dominant in his surroundings, attracts the woman who nurses the wounded soldier back to health, and everntually tames him.

    It's no secret, men who fight for what they believe, who are strong and can protect her, aristocratic romantics, all dominant roles in life and also set a girls heart on fire.

    A question to girls - a man, who is really "sweet" comes up to you, you didn't even notice him at first, shy to look you in the eye, calls you beautiful and asks would it be much to ask if he could please have your number, then runs off to his friends to tell them how he got your number, is he anything more than "cute" or "sweet"?

    A lot of girls have told me, they love the thought of a real man with strong arms grabbing hold of them in a semi sexually agressive and dominant manner.

    Even in sex, women prefer to be dominated, including my own girlfriend who admitted this directly to me.

    Also, if you want we can go back to hunter gatherer times where the dominant males ensured the survival of the females and their children so it is in the best interest of the survival of our race at the time for women to be attracted to the most dominant males. We still have those instincts inside us.
    well for me at least thats very true - im attracted to strong confident men. HOWEVER i have my own mind and i do not want to be dominated all the time. i think you're missing an important point that although a lot of women will find the above attractive, they also want to be treated as an equal and sometimes shock horror want to be the dominant one. its all about finding a balance. if a man was always dominant and wanted me to be all sweet and not heard i'd get well pissed off. but then if he was a bit soft and i became the dominant one i would get all bossy and then eventually bored.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote:
    your girlfriend doesn't speak for the whole female population

    Exactly.
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