The one that got away

Former Member

I only went out with her for about 3 months and that was 4 years ago - so why can't I get over her?

I was 28, she was 20. She was the only girl I've been with who you could truly call 'good-looking' - she looked like Myleene Klass. I'd never had a woman like that before and I was absolutely nuts for her - but she also made me feel inadequate because she was really intelligent (Mensa IQ of something like 145) and hung out with similar types. I had no idea what she saw in me but she seemed happy enough.

The relationship ended through my own fault - because I felt inadequate I kept lying about stuff, such as saying I also had a university background just so I could feel I was 'keeping up' with her. She found out about all my BS and rightly chucked me.

Anyway we argued and she doesn't really want anything to do with me any more, not even as friends but I can't keep her out of my mind. I keep asking mutual friends how she is, checking her blog for updates, that sort of thing. I really don't want to be doing that - I feel pathetic. I want her out of my mind forever but little things bring back all the memories, such as certain songs we used to listen to coming on the radio and MTV etc.

I found out a year ago she's getting married which hurt me and now I hear she's pregnant and I feel totally crap again. I've had relationships since her which have been distractions more than anything else, which isn't fair on the women involved.

How do I move on from 'the one that got away'?

Former Member

Well first things first, you should stop asking after her. It's all well and good if you actually care how she's doing and hope things are going well for her, because you're over her. But this clearly isn't the case, because you're sounding disappointed that she's doing well for herself and she's happy. I know it sounds hard, but I think you're going to have to cut her out of your life completely if you're gonna get over her.

Former Member

I really don't think I have the discipline to do that. And in any case, as soon as I hear any songs from the summer of 2002, the memories come back. That's not something I can change.

Former Member

Dude, don't keep beating yourself up over this girl. You have to realise her negative aspects instead of all the postives ones (intelligence, beauty, etc).

For instance, you obviously explained your lies about being University educated (and feelings of inadequacy) when you split up yet she was unwilling or unable to understand why you lied. I don't agree that lying was good idea but everyone makes "white" lies or "stretches" the truth to make themselves appear more desirable. Just speculating but perhaps she wasn't happy and simply used this as an easy excuse to dump you... That wouldn't be the actions of someone loving or caring, more devious and self centered.

Former Member

Boo Meragne wrote:

I really don't think I have the discipline to do that. And in any case, as soon as I hear any songs from the summer of 2002, the memories come back. That's not something I can change.

I used to be like that with 2001 and 2003.

But now it's like that's in the past and I do think about stuff when I listen to certain tunes, but things change and people change and move on. They arem't sad memories, they're nice ones.

You need to accept that it's finished, totally. It's a shame that she doesn't want you in her life at all, but that's the way stuff goes sometimes.

It's nice you care, but you really, really have to just cut her out of your life like she's done to you.

It's getting to the point when it's going to fuck up your life if you don't sort it out.

Former Member

I was thinking the same thing. My last girlfriend was truly the first girl I've ever been with where it was major 'wow'. She was the most gorgeous girl I'd ever met, and her sense of humour / intelligence / way of thinking matched perfectly with mine.

But then I found out she'd been cheating on me.

I feel sometimes like I'll never find anyone as good as her. But in the meantime, I just want to get on with my life. Its tough that she doesn't even want to remain in contact, but think that one day you'll find someone who you'll be so happy with you won't look back. Its just trying to convince yourself that that person won't be this woman. And trust me - I know it's tough. I tend to try not to think abot it and just enjoy spending time with my friends, but I know you can't block it out completely.

Former Member

The thing is I *do* get on with my life. I can go months without thinking of her then 'bang' she'll be back on my mind if I hear a song which reminds of those days, or I bump in to a mutual friend.

Thanks for all your replies btw.

Former Member

Boo Meragne wrote:

The thing is I *do* get on with my life. I can go months without thinking of her then 'bang' she'll be back on my mind if I hear a song which reminds of those days, or I bump in to a mutual friend.

That's inevitable, but you've got to make sure that that little reminder doesn't prompt you to do anything else that'll make you think about her more, like look at her blogs, or text her, or anything like that. If you find yourself thinking about her, try and do something else or think about something else. It could be anything, like watching a film, or comedy programme, or playing a computer game. Something that's gonna distract your attention completely.

Former Member

I remember listening to this show on the radio and this female relationship expert said alot of time the people who miss someone somuch is because they dont have that person madly in love with them anymore...and they miss the attention...

Former Member

Snerd wrote:

I remember listening to this show on the radio and this female relationship expert said alot of time the people who miss someone somuch is because they dont have that person madly in love with them anymore...and they miss the attention...

Hmm i dont know about that, like he's said he's already had some relationships and some attention from other girls but that hasnt stopped the feeling of missing the hell out of her or stop thinking about her. I know the feeling.

Former Member

what's to say it would have worked out without the problems you had?

Former Member

Boo Merang wrote:

I really don't think I have the discipline to do that.

Well, work on that discipline then. You won't get over her any other way. Do what you have to do, start with small things, like setting little goals for yourself, like not checking her blog, etc. Ask your friends to help you keep up. They can also help not talking to you about her (the mutual friends), and help you keep your life full of other things.

But most of all, convince yourself that she's part of your past, and that's it. There's no more to it.

(And of course you'll find someone eventually that you like as much, never doubt that.)

Former Member

Anyway we argued and she doesn't really want anything to do with me any more, not even as friends but I can't keep her out of my mind. I keep asking mutual friends how she is, checking her blog for updates, that sort of thing. I really don't want to be doing that - I feel pathetic. I want her out of my mind forever but little things bring back all the memories, such as certain songs we used to listen to coming on the radio and MTV etc.

Stop asking mutual friends about her
stop checking her blog
stop watching MTV, or wait 2 weeks when the played songs cycle again.

This is the start.