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Divorce grounds

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My soon to be ex wife wants to divorce me on the grounds of adultary. I have not commited adultary but I am with some one. She did originaly intend to divorce me on 2 years seperation. She had an affair 1st (thats what broke our marrage)

What are the implications of letting me do this to me? I am not that botherd becuase I just want an end to it all. However my new partner is not happy at being named. I dont want to give my soon to be ex her address as I am concerned about reprisals.

SDA

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well you don't have to admit that you have committed adultery if you haven't, in fact if you say you did when you haven't technically you'd be perjuring yourself. That's a whole other can of worms. If you don't admit adultery your ex will have to provide proof, or divorce you on different grounds.

    If you had committed adultery then the other person doesn't have to be named, it can just say "unnamed female" on the forms.

    Are there any children from the marriage?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yes there are Children but I am not the father. They are not involved. My soon to be ex wants to name her out of spite. She wants her address. She may not have any intention of naming her but may be planning a surprise visit. I dont want this for obvious reasons. We were supposed to be going for a 2 year seperation.

    Does admiting it cast some kind of slur on my charictor? Not that I am bothered. I just am un easy admiting something I have not done. But at the same time I do want it over. I hate being married to her. SDA.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Then why don't you divorce her on the grounds of her adultery? Don't admit to something you didn't do.

    Irreconciable differences is another option.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no it makes no slur on your character. Noone will know. They dont write it in the paper any more like they used to, so dont worry.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sda wrote:
    Yes there are Children but I am not the father. They are not involved. My soon to be ex wants to name her out of spite. She wants her address. She may not have any intention of naming her but may be planning a surprise visit. I dont want this for obvious reasons. We were supposed to be going for a 2 year seperation.

    Does admiting it cast some kind of slur on my charictor? Not that I am bothered. I just am un easy admiting something I have not done. But at the same time I do want it over. I hate being married to her. SDA.

    Well then my advice is,

    1. Don't give her the address, there's no reason to. She doesn't have to name anyone.

    2. It doesn't cast a slur on your character as far as anything to do with the courts or the divorce is concerned, the only thing is she could potentially hold it over you in the future in two ways,

    a. Telling people you were the one to blame for the divorce and showing them the papers (hence my question about children.)

    b. Like I said, it's perjury, so are there likely to be any further court proceedings in future? (Also hence question about children.)

    Fiend, I'm guessing she will probably refuse to admit adultery. "Irreconcilable differences" isn't actually a grounds for divorce as such, the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage must be proved by evidence of one of five "facts":-

    Adultery

    Unreasonable behaviour

    Desertion

    Two years' separation with consent

    Five years' separation without consent

    Sda, if you want to divorce her and she won't admit adultery you could always do it on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Having an affair is pretty unreasonable after all.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Of course, alternatively, if you don't want to wait two years, she could divorce you for unreasonable behaviour. It doesn't have to be adultery.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yeah, you only have to think of about 5 or 6 things that really pissed you off but tbh, you could just say she had an affair, and do it for adultery.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    tbh, you could just say she had an affair, and do it for adultery.

    As long as she's willing to admit it or he's got proof.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My Mum left my Dad and he divorced her on the grounds of Unreasonable Behaviour, rather than Adultery which is what it was and why she left. It's just that she had done other things so it could all be classed as Unreasonable Behaviour.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    When my Mum and Dad divorced, once my mum had my Dads (now wife's) address she went round and hit her :yes:

    Probably not too relevant to your question anyway. Why is she saying you committed adultery when its not true? Just to be spiteful? Have you spoke to your solicitor about this?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no it makes no slur on your character. Noone will know. They dont write it in the paper any more like they used to, so dont worry.


    but surely its principles. she was happy enough to have the affair so she should be happy enough to own up to it,

    i wouldnt take it personally, id divorce her on inconsolable differences if she couldnt accept that then id do it on adultery.

    nb i dont think it can even be classed as adultery if the marriage parties have already seperated anyway so shes fighting a losing battle

    dont put up with it mate, put up with enough shit from her before by the sounds of it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the question is, will she admit adultery or not?

    Oh, and how long ago did you find out about it? Because you only have 6 months from that time to file a petition. The only way round that is if she makes a fresh admission to you about committing adultery on an occasion you didn't previously know about, then you have 6 months from that admission.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replys. She commited the adultery around mid Feb. So its a while ago. He was the coach driver that we went on holiday with. I sort of knew something was wrong and didnt react in the best of ways. I never hit her or anything like that. Now the kids have burned me in favour of the new bloke. I think they call him Dad. My youngest does. To be honest, he has done a better job of getting into this relationship than I have done getting out of it. She is very mad at me. She is mad that I never fought for her (I just didnt want her after what happned) and I upset her plans of keeping me in the wings in case it all went wrong with the driver. Now I have to pay for some reason. I dont care anymore. I am not happy to be named as an adulterer but I just want out. She has done a good job on the kids. I have had a bit to do with it aswell. I am not good at dealing with this. Its all about blame. She now wants to blame me for everything to make herself look good. Aparently the latest thing is that I have been having this affair for 3 years or about a year. I have only known my friend about 6 weeks. I just dont care. Becuase at the end of the day its over with her and the kids. I think this is common when you are married to a superbitch. He is being written in and I am being written out of her life. This is the second re-write as I took over from the sperm bank husband that provided the kids for her. Never mind lifes a bitch and you get stung by one. Cheers, SDA
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sda wrote:
    I just dont care. Becuase at the end of the day its over with her and the kids. I think this is common when you are married to a superbitch. Never mind lifes a bitch and you get stung by one. Cheers, SDA

    It's not just women who behave badly. Plenty of women are married to total bastards.

    You may not care now... but think carefully. You might in the future.

    Don't know if I should admit this, but I was in EXACTLY the same situation as you. I let my ex do the same thing, for exactly the same reason that you're considering it - because I wanted it over and done with quickly and I didn't care, even though it was HIM who had affairs. I just wanted him out of my life.

    If I could go back and do it over I wouldn't do it like that, that's for sure. He's taken every opportunity since to tell people (including our children, who no longer believe it thankfully) how I was an adulterer and he divorced me for it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    can you divorce on grounds of adultery without evidence then?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    By the sounds of it, no.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    well maybe im missing something, but this 'affair' that you didn't have - she won't have any evidence to proove it. So how can she divorce you on that?
    Do you have any evidence on her affair?

    By the sounds of things you're not getting anywhere, you may aswell do it on unreasonable behaviour which is basically the same thing but less specific.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    id just do unreasonable behavior if it was me, and state the affair as one of the unreasonable behaviours.
    At the end of the day it really wont matter whats on the divorce papers as long as you get shot of the woman. Once the divorce papers come through its not like most people will be sitting there showing them to everyone, or tbh, if she did, do you really think anyone will care? It will say more about her than it does about you!
    I divorced my ex for unreasonable behaviour and he just agreed to it because he wanted the divorce as much as me so it was quicker that way, plus i had it written into the agreement that if he didnt accept (and within a certain time) hed be liable for some extra costs.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how can you get evidence for an affair - vaginal swabs? :S
    I think basically she either admits to it or she doesnt. If she doesnt admit to it, then she obviously doesnt want the divorce that much, and thats gonna be nice for her new partner to know shes contesting it! You might have to do it with 2 years seperation and consent or 5 years seperation without consent if shes gonna be funny.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    how can you get evidence for an affair - vaginal swabs? :S

    Photos, letters & phoencalls probably.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You can divorce someone on the grounds of adultery without evidence if they are willing to admit to it.

    Photos, letters, phonecalls, yes, that is the kind of thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont want to admit to it. If I have to I will. I need this over. But what I dont want is if in the future someone can look this up on the internet (public records or such) and see that I was. Say some future partner chooses to check me out. If I chose not to tell someone that I did this that is. The kids are gone for now. One forever the other one I am not sure. For sure my ex will use everything she can to blacken my name. It does not matter as she will go away eventualy. Its what is subject to public record that bothers me. SDA
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    do two years seperation and consent then?
    Itll fly by.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Or do it now for unreasonable behaviour.
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