have i been used?

Former Member

would be great to get some advice about this even though i'm new here, i'm not really sure what's going on in my relationship at the moment and would be great to hear some others' thoughts.

i've been seeing a lad for about two and a half months now, we've been getting up to all the usual stuff but didn't actualy have sex until last night. it was great (bit better for him, but ho hum) and then we went to sleep, got up and had breakfast etc and he went home. he was a bit distant but that#s not all that out of the ordinary. anyway i called him from my landline a couple of hours later as we were planning to meet upin town... i don't think he knew who it was but we had a bit of a chat and then i said i'd call him again after meeting my friends. i did. now i know everyone is going to say stop being such a hypochondriac but he isn't answering his phone. i only tried twice as i'm not playing into the "24 missed calls" trap but now i'm at a bit of a loss. i should make it clear i'm pretty chilled in relationships and i'm pretty sure i'm only feeling thisw ay because we slept together last nigth.

so, truth hurts but i'd like to know what people think. have i been used for sex? what's my next move? my brain is most definitely telling me to hold back, but as he has about three pence to his name i know the only way he'll be able to call me is by using a phone box or similar. somehow doubt he'll be rushing out in the rain to de that!

thanks fr any advice x

Former Member

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Former Member

we did speak earlier but like i said i get a strange feeling he only answered because i called from my land line (of which i don't think he would know the number). not since this morning, which is verrrry unusual for him (he's usually pretty limpet-like hence my doubts).

Former Member

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Indrid Cold

I'm quite the opposite of an expert on such things, but I think that if all he wanted was sex he wouldn't have waited 2 months and more.

Former Member

littlemissfickle wrote:

i'm not playing into the "24 missed calls" trap

yes. that would be a major turn off i'm sure.


just chill :yes:

Former Member

otter wrote:

yes. that would be a major turn off i'm sure.

i totally agree.

as for the waiting two months thing, i did think that indrid but i've known men to wait longer to get what they've wanted. but maybe i'm just being a bit to cynical/paranoid.

it wouldn't usually bother me, it's the fact of the coincidence between having sex last night and suddenly not being in contact when usually i can't get rid of him.

i'll try and chill, just a bit frustrating.

Former Member

Give him the benefit of the doubt. He could have a lot of things on at the moment, and as you know, if you're trying to get in touch etc, can be a big turn off.

If he gets back in touch, great, but perhaps it might be a good idea to discuss where you stand with him i.e. will you continue dating, have a casual sexual relationship etc. If he doesn't, then it's pretty low of him to go about his way ignoring you after 2 or so months, but unfortunately, it happens, and all you can do at that stage is learn from it.

At the moment, all you can do is accept that it'll probably be a case of waiting for a bit - busy yourself, he's doing other things, why shouldn't you? Go to the movies, or catch up with some friends or something, it will make the time go faster and you'll have fun in the process instead of worrying about something you don't have control over.

Former Member

i wouldn't worry. men tend to be very keen until they get sex and then they start to play it more cool. it doesnt mean they've used you. just give him a chance to return your calls.

Former Member

yeah i know in my gut you're both right, just being a daft cow. cheers.

Former Member

still not heard anything, just going to have to leave it now and see if i hear anything. need to keep at least some of my dignity, ha ha.