Home Health & Wellbeing
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

Building your self esteem?

Gawd.

I've just spent the past hour in front of my long length mirror crying my eyes out. I hate everything about myself. I hate my figure, I hate my looks, I hate my scars. I hate everything about myself. I'm just one ugly fat cow.

Its got to the point where I'm rejecting guys because I don't want them to see me naked/touch me. I feel minging. I don't know why any guy would ever want to be near me.

I didn't sleep with my last boyfriend because I didn't want him to see me naked. With the guy before that, I always had to cover myself up or have the lights switched off.

Its doing my head in because I know feeling like this is an unattractive feature too. Being unconfident is unattractive. Its not something guys like.

I've felt like this for as long as I can remember. Its getting worse.

How can I build my self esteem? Its driving me insane.
Beep boop. I'm a bot.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    watch the show ''how to look good naked'' - me and my friends were talking about how much better it makes you feel about yourself. Plus it gives you tons of tips on underwear and stuff.
    I have hang ups about my body - but i feel totally comfortable being naked infront of my boyfriend. I think alot of feeling good naked depends on the person. You have to really trust them and of course - they don't sit there listing your faults and just accept you for who you are.
    and stop comparing yourself to underweight skinny models - they don't look healthy and aren't realistic. There's no point in striving to be something unrealistic.
    I've suggested before - you do some charity work or voulunteering. Knowing that you've made a difference gives you a real boost. And once you get that boost - you can start working on your appearance esteem. You have to feel good about yourself as a person first before you start feeling good about how you look. If that makes sense?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    darling if men are appraoching you then i doubt you are ugly. no-one is ever ugly people are all unique and beatiful in different ways
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If anyone had the solution to this problem then they'd be the richest and most adored person on the planet. My own self-esteem definitely fluctuates but you're right in that people are turned off (and not just in a relationship sense) by constant negativity and self-destruction, you need to fake that confidence and then I think you'll probably find that you gain a little bit of confidence for real by doing that. Try and place more value on the person you are and all your great attributes; rather than focusing so intensely on the way you look and the hang-ups you have about it.

    Though... if you do find an easy answer then share the knowledge ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Next time look in the mirror and just smile.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    This probably isn't going to help, but I doubt it's going to hurt so there's nothing to lose saying it.

    If you can't change your mind about yourself, try to ignore her. Suppose there's something you want to do but can't bring yourself to because of that problem -then just ignore it. Suppose you like someone but can't do anything about it because you think you look bad? Ignore that thought. Pretend it doesn't exist, tell yourself to act in the way you would if the thought didn't exist. This won't make it get away, it won't make you change your mind about yourself, but at least there will be no missed chance.
    This might seem like it makes no sense, but I've done it several times (though about different thoughts).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm not really sure how to say you can build your self-esteem, except to say that I think as you get older you accept yourself more.

    I have more confidence now because I've accepted the fact I will always have huge shoulders, and will never be a svelte toned sort of man. It means I'm happier, and less worried about what people think of how I look, but even then I do wish I was a bit slimmer. I wouldn't dare not wear a shirt in public, for instance.

    Self-esteem is all about how you feel, not how you look. You could be the figure you dreamed of and you would still be unhappy until you accept who you are.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    who cares about what other people think about you? If they don't like the way you look it's their problem! They should look the other way! Try not to worry so much what other people think, their opinion isn't everything. Maybe YOU don't like the way THEY look.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Take a few pictures of yourself on your phone, until you get one where you look really hot. Shouldn't take many attempts for you to get one you look hot on. Delete all the one's where you look like a tit (yes even the most attractive people will look stupid on a picture if they're caught at the wrong moment). Then if you want to see what you look like, just look at that every time. Make sure the last time you look at yourself in a mirror before you leave the house, or the toilets in a club, you're pulling a sexy pose, rather than a "look how fat/ugly I am" pose.

    But the real advice is to just spend your time doing things you enjoy, or putting effort into things you really care about. This will make you forget about how you look, and give you confidence generally, especially when you achieve things in whatever it is you're doing. People who only have their looks will have little real self esteem and confidence. It's the rest of the stuff that makes up a person that will give you real confidence and make you attractive to the opposite sex (for more than a quick fuck anyway).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    \
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    sophia wrote:
    If you derive your entire sense of self-worth from your looks, then you're going to be absolutely buggered on the day you find out your looks have faded, as they do for everyone.
    Equally, if you derive your entire sense of self worth from your looks, then so will everyone else, particularly guys.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    turlough wrote:
    Next time look in the mirror and just smile.


    exactly.

    if you stand in the mirror for an hour you're bound to find a few flaws. everyone has them.

    i doubt the lad would be in bed with you in the first place if they weren't attracted to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    God, you guys are totally right about the age thing.

    At 20, I hated everything about myself. In fact, I was a wee bit of an ungrateful wee bastard in general. Which in retrospect is a shame, cause all my body worked, and I looked the best I'm ever going to, and all I did was piss and moan about how my thighs were disproportionately big and my nose had a weird bend in it and my hair was just a bit wrong.

    The other week I had a bit of an epiphany in the garden, where I realised that I actually quite liked my body, despite it's little failings. And I realised that everything I love is flawed, just a wee bit, and that in everything else I call those little flaws 'personality'.

    I'm still waiting for the face epiphany (rather a lot of 'personality' for my liking) but hey, I'm halfway there.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hiya
    You might find these articles on theSite useful:

    Building self-esteem

    Distorted body image

    Sex with your vest on

    If you do decide to do some voluntary work, you'll find our sister site, do-it useful - you can look up what volunteering opportunities are going on in your area and apply online.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    think everyone has body issues, it's all about how you get over it though..

    girls usually about how fat they are, guys about their package.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gawd.

    I've just spent the past hour in front of my long length mirror crying my eyes out. I hate everything about myself. I hate my figure, I hate my looks, I hate my scars. I hate everything about myself. I'm just one ugly fat cow.

    Its got to the point where I'm rejecting guys because I don't want them to see me naked/touch me. I feel minging. I don't know why any guy would ever want to be near me.

    I didn't sleep with my last boyfriend because I didn't want him to see me naked. With the guy before that, I always had to cover myself up or have the lights switched off.

    Its doing my head in because I know feeling like this is an unattractive feature too. Being unconfident is unattractive. Its not something guys like.

    I've felt like this for as long as I can remember. Its getting worse.

    How can I build my self esteem? Its driving me insane.


    The BBC did a very good documentary on how the human brain develops and at your age your brain's connections are still developing and rerouting themselves.

    As you get older you'll start to see yourself in a more clear and calming light.

    It's like when you're a little kid and scared of the dark thinking there's monsters under your bed, etc you know there isn't but you're still scared. And as you age you're less and less scared of the dark.

    As you age you'll realise there's nothing wrong with you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I hate my figure,

    Ive always felt this way, always been too skinny and not really had much confidence. So you would think that when I put some weight on id be a lot happier...............oh no, thats not the way it is.
    I packed in smoking (yes you probably already know) and the weight has piled on. From being size 8-10 all my life to now even some size 12's dont fit makes me quite depressed. I thought id be happier putting weight on, how wrong could I be. I feel fat, the weight is on my gut and I absolutely hate it, so what im trying to say is even if you could change something about you theres a chance that you wont like it.
Sign In or Register to comment.