meeting dads girlfriend

Former Member

I'm meeting my dads girlfriend this weekend. It's going to be awkward for me because they don't know that i know they're trying to buy a house together when dad told us he wouldn't leave for another 2 years. So it'll be awkward for me and i won't know what to do or say. I know people just say oh be yourself but has anyone got any advice on how to make things less weird? I tend to be quiet new people and it makes me come across as bitchy sometimes.
I'm also meeting mums boyfriend the weekend after but i'm not too fussed about him because my mums open with me about him. Unlike dad who kept his girlfriend a secret from us for months and now is keeping the moving part secret. And knowing dad it'll be till a few weeks before he moves out. I'm just quite bitter about it. Any words of wisdom to try and ease the awkwardness of the whole thing? It's difficult for me to be fake happy and nice when i'm not too pleased about a situation. And talking to my dad isn't a possibility cause he'll give my mum grief for telling me.

Former Member

well to be honest she's probably as nervous as you.

one thing though, you can't have expected your dad to have stayed in the marital home with his ex (or nearly?) wife for 2 years. he may well have said he would but the circumstances have obviously changed for your dad.

why are you bitter about it? your dad wasn't really obliged to tell you he had a new girlfriend .

Former Member

Hey Ballerina,
Kind of an uncomfortable situation to be in but really if I were you I'd try and imagine what it's like for her and your dad. Like lucifer devil said, she's probably as nervous as you, surely it can't be easy for her to be "the other woman" (kind of) and I bet she feels guilty for taking your dad away if they're going to buy a house together. Try not to judge her before you know her or build up an image of how you expect her to be. I'm sorry I can't say much more than that as I don't know the exact situation, just try to relax and don't stress out about it.

Former Member

i know when i first met my now step-dad when i was around 6-7 i was a bit cold towards him and didn't really like him. but i was young and didn't know how else to behave. you should. :yes:

don't have any misconceptions of her before you meet her, go in openminded otherwise you'll probably not like her even before you've met her. remember she's done nothing wrong (not that anyone else has).

Former Member

lucifer devil wrote:

well to be honest she's probably as nervous as you.

one thing though, you can't have expected your dad to have stayed in the marital home with his ex (or nearly?) wife for 2 years. he may well have said he would but the circumstances have obviously changed for your dad.

why are you bitter about it? your dad wasn't really obliged to tell you he had a new girlfriend .

well it does feel like you're living a lie....i don't know why it took him so long to tell us. I just felt like i had a right to know - it was pretty obvious anyway.
Well it does get awkward in the house sometimes. We think she used dads phone to send a sarcastic text pretending to be him to mum while he was with her (because it wasnt how he writes his texts). I'm trying to go in open minded but i can't help but be a bit bitter knowing that they think they're going behind my back in a way.

Former Member

how are they going behind your back?! you know they're going out.

your dad maybe kept it quiet for a while as he wanted to wait to see how things went.

Former Member

lucifer devil wrote:

how are they going behind your back?! you know they're going out.

your dad maybe kept it quiet for a while as he wanted to wait to see how things went.

the 'secret' househunting and that - my dad already told me shes moved jobs closer to here so its quite obvious, i don't see why i can't be told the rest.

Former Member

Ask them- that way it's not your Mum's fault for telling you. They either lie or tell you the truth- but could you handle your Dad flat out lying to you? Without being aggressive you could ask- "Now, that 'girlfriend' is moving her job closer- does that mean you'll be looking at a house and moving out sooner than we expected?"

Which do you mind the most- the secrets or that he's going to move out? I know I would rather just be kept in the picture myself. So, when he answers, smile and say "thank you for telling me. It really helps that I know where I stand and what's going on" (without having a fit about whatever his answer is of course).

just my tuppence...

Former Member

katralla wrote:

Ask them- that way it's not your Mum's fault for telling you. They either lie or tell you the truth- but could you handle your Dad flat out lying to you? Without being aggressive you could ask- "Now, that 'girlfriend' is moving her job closer- does that mean you'll be looking at a house and moving out sooner than we expected?"

Which do you mind the most- the secrets or that he's going to move out? I know I would rather just be kept in the picture myself. So, when he answers, smile and say "thank you for telling me. It really helps that I know where I stand and what's going on" (without having a fit about whatever his answer is of course).

just my tuppence...

thats really unlike me to be like that - he'd probably suss it and i don't want to get my mum in the shit
i don't mind him moving out - its the lying i don't like. I would be nice if he actually finished the dining room first mind....

Indrid Cold

Maybe the lying is his attempt to bring out the "surprises" one at a time so you won't be too shaken? A lame attempt, and I'd be as angry about being lied to as you, but it could be good-willed.

As for the meeting itself, others have said it: Don't judge anyone before you meet them.

Former Member

Hun, she could be really nice. Yes, it's all involved alot of complication, and worrying, but at the end of the day, she's going to be around. You should just be as nice as you can, you might really hit it off.